


Suicide Hotline

by HomicideAndGlitter (orphan_account)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Abuse, And Kankri is also Karkat's uncle, Angst, Bullied!Karkat, Bullies, Child Abuse, Cutting, Death, Dirk is a dick, Emo, F/F, F/M, Feels, Fluff, Gay, Hate Speech, Homophobia, Human AU-homestuck, Humanstuck, Implied Relationships, Implied Sexual Content, Jade is a Furry, John is an amazing friend, Kankri is a biology teacher, Lol Eridan gets laid, M/M, Mituna is a school security guard, Multi, Music, On a fucking urinal like what, Polyamorous Relationship between tav gam and calliope, Rape, Sadstuck, Self Harm, She just runs around in dog eared head bands and tails, Skype, Suicide, The condesce is the school principal, bro is a dick, cross dressing, dave crossdresses sometimes, dirk is bro bro is dirk, equius is red for nepeta, gay crushes, good John best friend, karkat is emo, physical/mental abuse, rave parties, sorpor slime turned punch, suicide hot line, the makaras are drug dealers lmao, they/them pronouns for some
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-10
Updated: 2015-11-06
Packaged: 2018-03-22 05:38:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 19
Words: 78,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3717157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/HomicideAndGlitter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>God, Dave needs to tell someone. He needs to tell someone before it is too late. When he tries to tell John, he gives up and decides to call for help.<br/>-<br/>Rose Lalonde and Karkat Vantas decided to work together to make a special Suicide Hot Line for people in their community. With the help of their friend Sollux, They build up a website, get together a small group of people, and rig up some phones. They are ready to help people. With Karkat as the leader, and John the voice of the group, the hot line is a success. One day while on the phone, John gets a call from someone very important to him, and it changes his perspective on things.<br/>-<br/>Dave is done, God, he is so done. Who needs him anyways? He isn't truly wanted. Who cares if he is gone?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

  * For [stridercestandapplejuice](https://archiveofourown.org/users/stridercestandapplejuice/gifts).



> //Hello, Homicide here with another new story!! <3 I hope you like it~

 --  turntechGodhead   [TG]   began   pestering   ectoBiologist   [EB] --

 

**TG:  yo**

**TG: yo egnerd**

**TG: egg**

**TG: hey egg**

**TG: talk to me**

**TG: Egbert**

**TG: eggggggbert**

**EB: daaaaaaaave**

**EB: i’m sleeping!**

**TG: if you were sleeping then why did you answer**

**EB: you know that pesterchum pings every time you get a new message.**

**TG: shouldn’t have had your computer on then**

**EB: >:B**

**EB: what do you want?**

**TG: skype me**

**EB: no!**

**TG: wtf why**

**EB: it’s like three in the morning!**

**EB: we have school tomorrow!**

**TG: oh you pussy**

**TG: just skype me**

**EB: >:B dave!**

**TG: you will have time to scream my name later**

**EB: :O**

**TG: just skype now**

**TG: what don’t make that face**

**TG: you knew it was coming**

**EB: much like you’ll be?**

**TG: what happened to no homo**

**TG: are you hiding something**

**EB: shut up, it’s like three in the morning**

**TG: I think you’ve already mentioned that**

**EB: stfu I’m calling now**

**TG: atta boy egnerd**

 

Be TG==>

 

   You are TG. You don’t need an introduction because you already know who you are. But in case you have forgotten, your name is Dave Strider, and at this moment, you are going to Skype your best friend, John Egbert. You log into your Skype, your user name the same as your chumhandle. As soon as you are connected, Egbert sends you a call request. You answer excitedly, bouncing in your seat.

  “Yo,” You greet to a black screen.

  “Hold on,” A groggy voice complains, and John appears on the screen with his hair sticking up at odd angles, and he isn’t wearing his glasses. The picture is broken and fuzzy, but you can see that you truly had wakened him up…oops. You open your mouth to say something but you are quickly cut off by John.

  “What was so important that you had to wake me?” John mutters grumpily, rubbing his eyes. You adjust the settings on your computer until his picture is as clear as his apparent irritation. You bite your lip, wondering how to start off.

  “Dunno. Just wanted to hang,” You mentally slap yourself, and John physically does the same.  John growls, but does not remove his palm from his forehead.

  “Fucking hell, Dave! We can ‘hang’ at school!”

  “John, we need to talk. I’m serious-“

  “And so am I! I have a huge exam tomorrow, and so do you!” You pout, your feelings wounded. You didn’t think he would blow you off like this.

  “But I need you right now,” You whimper pathetically. John blinks at you for a moment and furrows his brow.

  “What?”

  “I…I need to tell you something really important…I need your help.” You murmur, trying to keep quiet. You really don’t want to wake up Bro. John becomes visibly irritated again.

  “If it’s so important, then we need to do this face-to-face! Tell me at school tomorrow, fucking God. Good night Dave.” John snaps, and he ends the call. Tears stream in your eyes as you stare at the computer screen, the monitor telling you your conversation lasted two minutes. With a sniffle, you turn the computer off and stand up. You stumble across your dark room until your knees slap the side of the bed. You fall onto the mess of blankets and curl your aching body in on its self. Your fingers work through the kinks in your hair, trails over your neck and across your chest where there are multiple scars. You sob, wishing you would have been quicker to tell him. You are so fucking scared, and you just want someone to know already.

  You cry yourself to sleep, telling yourself that you are a pathetic pussy for doing so. And that makes you cry harder. You leave your shades on, and they dig into your nose and the tears are making your flesh feel raw. But you do not care; instead you drift off into an uneasy sleep, one that is riddled with nightmares and cold sweats.

\--

Dave: Wake the fuck up==>

  You are awoken to icy water being dumped onto your head. You screech and begin to flail, running your hands all over your face and shades, gasping as you inhale some of the icy liquid.

  “You missed the fucking bus!” An angry voice sounds, and you look up to see Bro holding an empty boiling pot that you assume once held water in it moments before.

  “W-what?” you gasp, your teeth chattering. Bro sneers down at you and you shrink under his hidden gaze.

  “You. Missed. The bus. Get your ass up and start walking!” He shouts. You flinch and begin to mutter a string of pitiful apologies.

  “O-okay. I-I’m sorry-sorry. S –sorry-“You are cut off when bro grabs you by the back of your head, tugging until you fall off of your bed and onto the floor. He drags you to your closet.

  “I don’t want to hear you apologies, I want to hear your damn feat stomping out the door! Get your ass up!” Bro snaps and you lean into the hand that has your hair in an iron grip. You are half dragged, half crawling as he pulls you over wires and discarded clothes to the closet. He swings the door open and shoves you roughly inside. Your scalp tingles and your fingers hurt from falling onto the floor, but before you could stand or do anything about your pain, Bro chucks the pot at you. You squeal in pain as the metal boiling pot slams into your knee.

  “Stop complaining and get fucking dressed, Fag,” Bro hisses. You nod quickly. He turns around without another glance, and as he begins to shut your door, He calls a “Bring the pot back downstairs” over his shoulder. When you are sure he is gone, you begin to cry again and stand up to look through your clothes. It is hard to fight back a loud sob, but you manage anyways. You pull random jeans and a t-shirt from their hangers and trudge over to the stand up mirror beside your door. You undress from your PJs down to your boxers (they were a cute gift from john. They have little music notes on them) and stare at your half naked reflection in the looking glass. Bruises and scars litter the flesh of your stomach and chest. A particularly long, thin scar travels from your hip to your neck-a souvenir from Bro when he decided to swing a shitty sword your way. You remember exactly why he had done that, and you remember how shocked and pissed off he was. You told him you were gay for your best friend, and he flipped out. That’s when the abuse got worse.

  You had been kicked, pushed down stairs, starved, and now, as you stare at a scar on your shoulder, you have been burned by Bro’s cigarettes many times. You run your fingers across the old, circular marks that corrupt your flesh. You hate it when he uses cigarettes to hurt you. You hate it when he hurts you…you hate him.

  You abandon your thoughts of abuse and instead return to getting dressed. You wiggle into black skinny jeans and pull a white t-shirt over your head, nearly knocking your shades over your nose. You check yourself out, and boy do you look like a mess. Scars and bruises cover the tops of your arms and you frown. This is why you prefer long sleeve shirts. You dig around your room and find an old hoodie with a cog on the chest. You slip it on, grab the pot, and swing your bag over your shoulder before you walk to the bathroom.

  You step into the bathroom and brush your hair and teeth, spray yourself with a perfume that Bro would be angry with if he found it (you rather like the scent of candies, thank you), and do a final once over. Your hair is still a bit damp but is otherwise soft and fair and styled to hide the bruise on your left cheek bone. The dark circles under your eyes are hidden by dark aviator shades, and your lips quirk up into an open mouthed smirk. You could pass for normal. You go through the same preparation routine everyday, and no one even suspects a thing. You chuckle to try and get into the mood. You are a cool guy with a cool life. You have a loving family and top notch grades, and you have great friends. Yes, you have the perfect life. You frown when the weight of the pot in your hand brings you from your fantasy. You are a fake with a horrible life on the inside, and your only flesh and blood hates you. You have like, three real friends, and you have been failing many classes here of late because lack of sleep causes you to dose while the teacher drone on and on.  You are Dave Strider, and you are a failure.


	2. Dave: Go to school or something==>

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave goes to school after an annoying wake up call. We follow him through his shitty day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //HAPPY 413 EVERYONE!!!! UHG I AM SO HAPPY RN, AND I WASNT EVEN GONNA UPDATE TODAY BUT THEN I THOUGHT THAT FOR ANY OF YOU WHO GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THIS STORY-YALL SHOULD GET AN UPDATE!!!---okay, as confusing as that was...Anyways, I did NOT review any of this...so a lot of it may be OOC or stupid or something, idk....sorry>->

**Dave: Finish getting ready== > **

    You sigh and blow a loose strand of hair to the side. Tired of looking at your reflection in the mirror, you turn away and step out of the bathroom, Close the door behind you, Pick your bag up off the floor and Trample down stairs. You only think about what you are going to do next, one step at a time.

  Thankful you don’t meet Bro in the kitchen when you drop the pot into the sink, you finally let your guard down. Everything is okay. You are okay. You take a deep breath and tip toe out of the kitchen, nudging your way around abandoned weaponry that litters the floor and stick out of things. There. That is the front door, and you are almost there. Stay quiet; keep your eyes on the door, not a sound. You let out a breath of relief when you are two steps from the door. Thank Gog, maybe you will get away from Bro this morning-You step on something plush, and it lets out a squeak. Well, fuck.  
 

  You scream and stumble backwards, scuttling away from the object you had stepped on. A pink Smuppet gives you a menacing look, its nasty nose vibrating and its large rump taunting you. Well, there went your smooth exit. Good job, Dave.  
 

  “Dave?” Bro calls. You gasp and scramble towards the door.  You unlock the many locks and jiggle the handle until the door releases from the frame. You stumble hurriedly out of the door and slam it behind you. You run down the hallway-nearly knocking an elderly woman aside-and you leap into the elevator before the doors shut. You huff slightly and ignore the stares you get from a business man and a mom and her two little boys.  
 

   “S-sorry,” You wheeze to them.  
  “No problem,” The mother replies quietly, and watches with concern as you slide down the wall. “What floor?” The business man ignores you completely.  
 

  “First,” you reply, your heart rate slowing to a normal pace. The woman pokes the button and you wait for the elevator to make its decent.

  When the thick metal doors slide apart, you bolt through them and navigate through men and women in the crowded lobby. You make it safely outside, where the sweet autumn air embraces you. The breeze's soft tendrils reach for your hair; playing with it and making it swirl around your face and tickle your nose. It is really nice out today and the smells of crunched leaves and spice pastries fill your nostrils. It’s easy to almost forget about your life when days like this are so beautiful.

You begin to head in the direction of your school, enjoying the company of early birds chirping and hopping from poles to tree limbs. Looking up, you appreciate the rising sun that sets the sky on fire and taints the lazily floating clouds purple. You relax fully when you are further away from your apartment building.

**Dave: stop dawdling and get to school already!== >**

You reach the front doors just as the first bell rings. Shitshitshitshit-you speed down the halls to make it to your first period class. You fling the door open as soon as see it, panting as it slams against the wall. The teacher and students stare at you with wide, alarmed eyes before a giggle breaks out.

"Glad to see you made it, Cool Kid," Terezi Pyrope giggles from the front row, her unfocused eyes meeting yours. You grin and shrug nonchalantly.

"See? What do you mean by that?" you tease, and she scowls.

"Don’t make fun of a blind kid, Dave. Its rather rude," she sneers, but you know she is just joking around. The teacher-Mr. Soloman-gives you an unappreciative glare and you make a face in return before walking sluggishly to your seat in the back. You plop grumpily beside of the king of Grumpiness himself, Karkat.

"So, what did I miss?" you whisper as the teacher turns to the white board to write shitty equations with a marker. God, you hate Geometry.

"Dave, we just started this damn class. There is no way you could have missed any-fucking-thing. “ Karkat hisses and you smirk.

  “Well, sor~ry! I meant ‘What the fuck does that math equation mean’ You douche.”

  “Seriously? I thought we were friends, and here you are bullying the emo kid,” Karkat whines mockingly, pouting his diamond studded lower lip. You grin and reach out to boop one of the lip rings. He bares his teeth at you.

  “We are friends! That’s why you are going to do my math homework?” You grin and He shakes his head.

  “As if, FuckHole. Surely you know how to do these simple problems-“

  “Err, no, I don’t. That’s why you will do them for me,” You interrupt.

  “Oh my fucking god. You are so thick,” Karkat insults, and you give him a perverted smile.

"Thanks, so I’ve heard," you reply, batting your eyelashes like a two dollar whore.. He looks at you for a moment before rolling his eyes.

"Oh, please. I sincerely doubt that. You dick is smaller than the answer to this math equation," He grouchily replies. You stare dumbly at him and he rolls his eyes once more.

"The answer is three square inches."

"Wait, the math problem or your schlong?" You ask, wiggling your eyebrows.

"YOUR 'schlong', Strider. Not mine." He emphasizes in return.

"Oh, shit, that hurts. Right here. In my pride,” You whimper, fluttering a hand over your heart, “but it’s not like yours is any bigger than mine."

"What? My dick is so big that I rip them girls open." Karkat whisper yells. A few girls turn in his direction and blush, each giggling at him. He gives them a snarky wave then the middle finger before turning back to you.

  “I wonder how Jade feels about that,”

  “Man, she is a wiggling mess beneath me!” You begin to laugh at what he said. Your dear friend has spent _way_ too much time with you.

  “I’ll just ask her about that.”

  “You fucking better not, asswhipe, or I’ll cut your crotch to shreds!”

"Like you could even lift it! My dick is so big I have to lift it over my shoulder to walk."

"What- that is the biggest fucking lie I have ever heard. I am so much bigger than you!"

"You wanna compare now? Or are you too scared you’ll see how big I am and start crying in shame?"

"No I won’t!" tears begin to well up in his eyes as he fights off the sudden giggle fit welling up in is stomach. You are pleased with yourself, and you continue with that joke.

"Or are you scared that when you see my penis you will fall in love and begin bowing at my feet as you beg to worship my manly meat-"

"Oh my fucking god that’s so gay!" Karkat laughs, holding onto his sides while trying to choke the giggles down. You begin to make faces at him and wiggle your hips in your seat, and Karkat cracks up. He falls from his chair and you shout a cheerful, “Bow to my glorious lady pleaser!”

  Your smug grin falls when you hear someone clear their throat. You and your friend sober up and look to the front of the room where the teacher  stands with his arms crossed. He looks pissed.

"Strider, you will see me after class," Solomon snarls, his chunky face red and bloated from either anger or embarrassment-you would like to think both. You blush and sink in your seat, groaning. Karkat quickly gets situated in his seat once more, gives you a glare, and begins to finish his math notes.

"Alright," you grumble somberly. He turns back to the board and you lay your head on the desk, facing Karkat. The math whiz ignores you. You sigh and wrap your arms around your face, nuzzling your nose into the crook of your elbow. Today seriously didn’t start well, did it?

**Dave: see Solomon after class== >**

You wait at your seat when the bell rings, and when every student is out the door, you walk to the teacher's cluttered desk and shuffle hesitantly until he looks up at you through his tiny half-moon spectacles. He sighs and leans his pudgy body back in his chair, looking you over.

"Dave, this is the last time I will stand for this. You never do your work and instead you sleep, or even worse, you disrupt the class or mouth off to me. I talked to my supervisor about this and he suggests I call your parents," You stare at him with an open mouth before shaking your head furiously.

"No, please don’t, I swear I won’t do it anymore!" you plead. The teacher-unknowing to your home situation-just sighs.

"I’m sorry mister Strider. We tried detention, it didn’t work. The only thing I know to do is have your parents deal with the punishment. May this be the final warning to you."

"God, please don’t, please, Bro can’t know, I’m sorry!" You beg pathetically.  The teacher sneers.

"You should have thought about that before bragging about your gentiles to the whole class," Solomon sneers. You hang your head when He picks up the phone, presumably to call Dirk. Oh, fucking God, you’re gonna die.

You walk out of his class room with a scowl as you squirm between chatting students to reach your locker. You perk up a bit when you think about your locker. Well, not your locker, but who you share it with. And there he is, His black hair spiked skillfully around his head, and his sky blue eyes searching for you in the crowd. You wave as you nudge a girl aside so you could get to him.

"Dave!" John cheers. Rose stands beside of him, holding her Girlfriend's hand. You try to keep your face neutral when an onslaught of emotions attacks you.

"Hey," you greet when you stand in front of him. Your voice breaks a bit and you suck in a quick breath. Did your friends notice? The girls seem unaware-too busy talking about girly things-but John squints suspiciously.

"Are you okay?" He asks and the emotions stab at your heart again. Damn, in your rush to get out of the Apartment this morning, you forgot to take all your meds. Anxiety and Blood pressure are no things to take lightly. Just the thought of not taking your medication makes you panic a little, and what with how bad things are here of late, you feel like you are about to break.

"What? Dude, I’m the master of 'okay'. They named that after me, you know. 'We here by name Okay after Dave Okay Strider, for being the most okayiest okay to okay.' Bet you didn’t know that, did you?" You ramble, your words end up clipped and a little hesitant but John laughs anyways and shuts the locker. You both know you don’t give a shit about class and that you won’t be using your text books anytime soon.

"Hey, I'm going to walk Kanaya to class, see you guys at lunch?" Rose asks, raising a brow at the two of you. You stare at the girls' connected hands. Kanaya's is a smooth chocolate color, and Rose is a pretty white. She never gets much sun, but the colors are fitting. You wonder why the school is so okay with the two of them together, but always bash of Gamzee and Tavros? Why are lesbian rights different from gay rights here? It is so unfair, and you are honestly afraid to come out to anyone because of how much hate you get at home for it. God only knows how much hate you’ll get here.

"Daaa-aaave. Are you listening to me?" John whines, and by the time you are torn from your thoughts, Rose and Kanaya are gone, and the hallways are mostly empty aside from a few stragglers.

"Huh?" You ask stupidly, and turn to your friend.

"I was talking about the new business I am helping out with!" John cheers, bouncing on his toes. You raise a brow above your shades, and he sighs.

"You never listen," He complains, and you pout.

"Neither do you," you grumble, thinking of last night.

"Oh, c'mon! It was super late!" John points out, and you just nod as if you cared about his sleep. Well sorry for needing help, you think. You keep that to yourself, though.

"Okay fine, fine. Tell me about the thing you were excited about," You insist. John beings to walk and talk, a bounce in his step as you follow him to his class.

"So Rose had this crazy therapist idea-"

"Oh dear God," You chuckle.

"Shut up! Anyways, she asked for Karkat to be the co leader for the idea. She had Sollux get some phones and websites pulled up, Jade gathered some really caring people, Kanaya is preparing for meetings, and I am the voice!" John cheers as you round the corner. You stare at him with confusion.

"Voice for what?" You inquire, confused.

John gives you a sheepish smile. "Oh, sorry. I guess I didn’t tell you what for."

"...."  
"...."  
"You gonna tell me or not, Egbert?"

"oh! Yeah, sorry ha-ha," John lowers his voice for dramatization and leans close to you," Rose started a suicide Hotline for those who are depressed, suicidal, need a friend, need help, etcetera, etcetera. And I am the one who spreads the word!" John cheers. You stare at him stunned for a second and almost begin to cry. Dear God, now you can tell someone, and you won’t have to worry about it being face to face.

"What's the number?" You breathe without thinking. John stares at you with wide eyes.

"What for?" He asks incredulously. You see your mistake. You both are now in front of the door to his class room, and neither of you care to split ways and go on to class.

"I-I have a friend that needs help, but I, uh, can’t help him. Maybe you guys can," You gush, biting your lip afterwards. John believes you.

"Oh, okay! Poor thing. Here, I will give you one of the flyers I was supposed to put up. I hope he will okay...I hope we can help him!" John exclaims. Always brightly optimistic and loud. Not in the way Karkat it, always grumpy and has to get his point across by screaming. Rather like an excited puppy. A cute puppy with big blue eyes and a warm heart, and such a loyal friend...John would probably be offended if he learned you compared him to a dog.

"Here ya go!" John says pridefully after he shuffled through his messy bag. He holds the flyer out to you, and in nice little boxes at the bottom is the same number printed every time.

"If you don’t mind, take one of the slips and then hang this up somewhere for me, okay? Like I said, I am the voice of this group, and I have yet to hang up some of them," Your friend shrugs.

"Thanks man. See you after class," You murmur. John nods and claps you on the back before slipping through his class room door. You stand there until the door shuts, and when it does, the tardy bell rings.

"God dammit!" You bark, and zip through the halls to get to English.

**Dave: Wake up when the bell rings== >**

Yes, you did sleep all through English. No, you don’t give a fuck. Maybe you should...Nah.

You gather your things and are the first to get out the door. You go at a steadier pace when you are in the halls, your heart pounding. Even running a short distance has your heart stuttering. God, you idiot. Take your fucking medicine next time! You mentally bash yourself when you reach your locker. John stands there peering through the crowd for you, and a couple stands next to him. But rather that the two most lesbian girls in all of Washington, Karkat and Jade stand embracing each other.

"Oh look, Karkat is getting his snog on. Prepared to size up and see who is bigger?" You ask, and Karkat looks away from his girlfriend to glare at you.

"Oh, shove it, you gay fuck," Karkat snaps, and you grin despite how much the insult hurt you.

"Hey, just trying to lighten the mood, ya know?" You ask, then turn away from him without waiting for his response. John raises a brow.

"Just some normal guy talk. You and Jade wouldn’t understand," you tease, poking John's skinny arm. You have no right to judge his weight though. You are much smaller than him, Hitting an unhealthy 106 pounds. At your height and age, you don’t need to be told that you are under weight.

"Are you calling me a girl?" John asks with mock offense. He gives you a silly grin to let you know its okay.

"Yep. But there is nothing wrong with being a girl," You reply, and then stupidly add, "I wish I was a girl." Your three friends look at you and you grow uncomfortable.

"Why do you say that?" Jade chirps, worming herself out of Karkat's arms to grab her bag off the ground.

"uh, uh...because I would have boobs," you blurt, then decide to go along with what you said," Yeah, because I would have boobs.  Would look at them all day."

"Pig," Jade grumbles. You shrug.

"I’m a guy, I know what I like," You answer smoothly. She rolls her eyes and takes Karkat's hand.

"Okay...Well, I'll see you guys in fifth! Bye," Jade announce cheerfully, and drags her boyfriend down the hallway. You sigh in relief and look to John.

"Ready to go to class?" You ask, and he nods. You both walk to Biology together, both silent and kind of awkward.

Dave: Attempt to listen to your teacher for once==>

Sitting in Biology is boring as usual. Your teacher just goes on and on and on. Some students are lucky enough to get the cool teacher, but you got stuck with Karkat's uncle, Kankri Vantas. And it fucking sucks, too. Like, you will be chillin' with Karkles one day when Kankri walks in and has to ask if you are ready for tomorrow's quiz or some shit. It's annoying and kind of weird to have Karkat's uncle as a teacher.

"-And thus completes Mitosis. Now that we have covered that, find a partner and start on 

Your work! I have construction paper up at my desk, wait, please don't rush up here all at once!...oh god, whatever," He grumbles as students swarm his desk to grab their supplies. It’s like Vantas knows how boring he is, so he makes up for it with arts and crafts that help no one. You and your partner-obviously John-sit it out until the sweaty freshman settle down. Why didn’t you and John take this class when you  _weren’t_  juniors? Being the oldest guys in the classroom makes it awkward, and the arts and crafts are even more stupid at this age than it would have been when you were shitty ninth graders.

John gets the things you guys need before he sits on the blue lab stool beside you. You both work vigorously for a few minutes, cutting, gluing, and labeling the stages of mitosis. The black sheet of paper is colorful with little circles of construction paper that are supposed to represent the cell and cell organelles in each stage.

"So," John starts, and you glance at him.

"So...?"

"Do you really wish you were a girl?" He finally asks, and you suddenly find the pink circle you were cutting out to be very interesting.

"Well, sometimes," You admit without looking at him. Will he think you're weird?

"Oh, wow. Why?" You become uncomfortable and you feel as if you have been cornered. It is just a harmless question, but sometimes a harmless intention has a dangerous out come.

"Err. Well, I sorta think, uh,"You swallow the lump that formed in your throat. It's hard to do, your mouth is too dry.

"Well?"

  "It's just...things would be easier for me if I was a girl," you murmur sadly. It's not that you nessicarily want to be transgender, not that you have a problem with that either, because you think being a guy is awesome!...but you wouldn’t be beat senseless at home if you were a girl.

"Why would that be easier?" John prods, gluing a circle to the page.

"Because I'm gay," You blurt. Your eyes get wide and you probably give yourself whiplash when you snap your head towards John to see his reaction. John's eyebrows disappear behind his bangs when he gives you a surprised look. Fuck, there is no fixing this. You are a real dumbass, you know that, right? Yes, you do know that, no reason for the author to tell you so.

"Really?!" John asks in a hushed voice, looking around the room before meeting your hidden eyes again. Well, there is no reason to lie, so you frown instead and nod. John's eyes brighten a bit and he gives you an excited smile.

"That's great!" He cheers, obviously enthused. You shush him when a few heads turn your way, and you begin to panic.

"No, no its not! Quiet down, meat head!"

"What? How is this not good?" He asks with a confused pout.

"Because..." You trail off. You wanted to tell him last night why you needed help, but now you aren’t so sure of it...It’s not great because of Dirk. He absolutely hates you and your gayness...if that’s even a word. But now you are scrambling for something to say to John, a reason that is still honest. You come up with one easily enough.

"Because the person I like isn’t into guys," You reply, and fix your composer. Time to block everyone out and build up your walls. You have lost too much of your cool today, and soon someone will find out how pathetic you really are. You ignore John the rest of the class.

"Dave, come one, talk to me! Tell me who you like!"

-silence-

  "Dave! This is soo uncool! I promise I won’t tell anyone. Please tell me!" You doodle a new comic rather than listen to him. After awhile, John gives up and helps finish the phases of Mitosis.

The class, lunch, and soon, the day is over with. You didn’t talk to anyone the rest of the day, which is sort of unfair to all your friends, but it’s not like this is the first time. If you have had a particularly bad day at home or if something happened and you nearly lost your cool, you shut everyone out. You don’t talk to anyone, or even acknowledge them when they speak, because if you do, you will completely break and bawl like a pathetic bitch and spill your guts to everyone. So instead of doing that, you stay silent and gain your composer and wait the panic attacks out.

**Dave: Get on the bus and go home== >**

You get on the bus with Rose, someone who won’t mind how quiet you are and would rather work on her fanfictions and stories instead of talking with you. You are grateful for the silence, even if it doesn’t last long. You are both the first two to get dropped off. You guys live in the same apartment, but unfortunately for you, she lives on the second floor, where as you live on the seventh.

You get off the bus together, and she leaves you behind on the elevator. It chugs its way up the many levels, and each floor you top scares the shit out of you. Was Solomon serious about calling Bro? Did he already call him? Is Bro waiting for you so he can beat the living snot out of you? You whimper when the elevator dings and the doors slide open to reveal the hallway. No one will hear you scream or cry. The walls are too thick and only one other person lives on this floor with you. And since no one will hear you or Bro yelling, that means he can go as far as he wants to go. He could kill you and no one would know-no! You’ll be fine! Stop thinking so negatively! He will be waiting for you to walk in, and he is going to ask you how you’re day was, and he will hug you and smile. He will even make your favorite dinner and tuck you in before bed.

It’s fun to pretend.

You open the front door and peek inside. You hurriedly shut the door behind you when you realize the coast is clear.

"Dave," a voice hisses, sickeningly cold and sickeningly close. You whip around to see Bro with a katana in his hand. Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck

"Y-yes?" You ask, wrapping your arms around yourself for security. God knows that won’t help you at all.

"I got a phone call today," Bro states calmly, and your blood runs cold while your heart thunders in your ears. Can he hear how scared you are? He can most certainly see it. You are shaking all over and you are weary and weak in the knees.

"Oh?" you ask, playing dumb.

"Oh indeed. You know, it was about you, the phone call," You do not risk speaking," And I am not happy with the information I received."

You both stare at each other for a few minutes before he walks up to you. When he is barely a foot away from you, his face contorts in anger.

"I'M TIRED OF YOURE SHIT, DAVE!" Bro screams, and you flinch and cower under his gaze. He strikes you across the face with his free hand. Stunned, you fall to the floor and touch your cheek. You begin to cry, already knowing he won’t have mercy for you.

"You stupid piece of shit," Bro snarls, aiming a kick at your ribs. You yelp and curl yourself into a ball.

"Please don’t-" He kicks you in the mouth, and you cry out again.

"Shut the fuck up! God, I hate you. You fucked up my life," Bro growls with another kick to your skinny body. Thankfully, he drops the katana to the side and bends over your shivering frame.

"You little bitch, why are you crying? STRIDERS DONT CRY!" Bro shouts, and you sob when he grabs you by your hair. He yanks you into a standing position, then punches your gut. You attempt to kneel over to hold on to your stomach, but his hold on your hair prevents that. He proceeds to vent his anger out on you by kicking and hitting your stomach until you thow up in the carpet. You cough and retch and sob when you are done.

"You gross faggot," Bro snarls, glaring at the puddle of yuck on the floor. He lets go off your hair and clocks you in the jaw. You stumble to the floor once again, and once more, he grabs you by your hair. He pulls you to the vomit and shoves you face first into it.

"God, it’s like I raised a dog, just throwing up wherever it pleases. Fucking disgusting," Bro comments, and you begining to struggle as he bangs your head into the floor, the vomit slopping around your face, you choke and gag and cry. Your glasses were lost sometime when he was hitting you, and you seriously with you had the lenses to protect your eyes from the sickening mess smeared on your face.

Your hands flop about, trying to find something to grab to help you out while Bro laughs in amusement. Your left hand touches the handle of the Katana, and you almost shout with relief. You wrap your leg around one of Bro's, having some trouble what with facing away from him and all, but when you have a grip on the sword and your legs around Bro, You yank your leg forward as best as you can.

Dumbfounded and caught off guard, gravity forces your brother to his ass while you flip around. He lets out a roar of anger as you scoot away from him with the sword pointed at his face. You wipe furiously at your face.

"You little Cunt!" Bro screams, and you being the week fuck that you are, let him knock the offending object out of his face. He is suddenly on you like white on rice, grabbing you by your shirt collar and pulling you up. You slide against the wall, and he keeps sliding you up until your sneakers are dangling above the ground. Bro pulls you then tosses you back, and you hit your head. He does this again and again, until you see stars and black spots.

"You are a fucking mistake," Bro snarls, and you cry out. This is just the beginning of his punishment. You scream when his brutality only gets worse.

**Dave: Possibly die or something== >**

**…**

**Be Bro== >**

  Fuck, you think you killed your kid in the rage you went though…fuuuuuuuuuuuck. Well, you decide to just clean the blood up and throw him on his bed…He might make it. You shrug and get to work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //Lmao, so while writing this, My friend Stridercest was sitting beside me, writing a fanfic too. Well she laughs and asks me to look at something and what catches my attention? "Frp"...I then proceed to whisper-scream "FEEEERP" And we started cracking up. We then proceeded to talk about how I, H&G, will become a super hero and my name will be the 'cheeto bandit'. My power is to go to all the chip companies and prosecute them for selling mostly air-cheetos included. Yep, then we talked about blackrom and smut*shrug* Today has been pretty damn productive, huh? This is how my class goes, giggling about cheetos while writing fanfictions....Anyways, I hope you guy enjoyed, And I hope you had/have and amazing 413!!!!! <3 I love you all, my perfect purple bumblebees. Until next time-HOMICIDE OUT!//


	3. Dave: Wake up==>

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave has an interesting day i guess. I suck at summaries, sorry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //Lol, finally posted this. Took forever to write. Anyways, for those who don't know, in this fanfic, Dik and bro are the same people. Sort of*shrug* idk and idc. Sorry this is crappy I was in a rush

**Be Dave== >**

   Your head is pounding and every inch of your body is numb or tingling. You had awoken with a fright, seeing your body broken and bruised the way it was. Here and there were bandages wrapped around fingers and arms that poke at odd angles, and there were band aids and patches that had blood seeping through them. Your conclusion? Dirk nearly killed you, and then he cleaned you up and tossed you on your bed.  
  

   Now, you still lay on your bed, even though you woke up an hour ago. You are hungry and you have to piss, but you don’t know if you can get up, and you don’t want to. As far as you know, Bro still thinks you are asleep/unconscious/dead. With a defeated sigh, you struggle to sit up. Your bladder demands relief, and you have no right to deny it.  
 

   You groan quietly, running your unbandged hand across your torso. Under a fresh t-shirt, you feel for wounds or more gauze. Feeling nothing, you slowly raise your shirt and nearly faint. A large purple splotch colors 3/4 of your stomach and chest. The bruise is black and blue with hints if red and purple. It is so dark and impossible to imagine, so you squeeze your eyes shut and open them again. The bruise is still there, and you poke it. Your stomach rolls when the pain does. It isn’t an unbearable pain, but you most certainly aren’t comfortable.  
  You breathe slowly through your nose and decide to check out the rest of your mess. You kick the blanket off of you to view your naked legs, only wearing a pair of boxers. There are a few bruises here and there, but they are small and unworthy of note. The one from earlier that day when the pot was thrown at your leg has made a small bruise on your shin, but is healing considerably well. Some bruises were yellow and green, a sign that they are healing. There’s a small scratch on your left thigh; from what, you don’t know. You let out a tiny sigh of relief as you feel for broken bones or fractions, content when you find none.  


  You work your way up to your arms, where you begin to unravel one of them. You feel light headed as you stare at a thick gash that had been sewn pitifully together. Strangely enough, there is pus and caked blood, and the bandage had stuck to the wound and made a nasty sound when the gruff fabric was freed. You gag when you touch the infected wound, brownish liquid dribbles down your forearm and elbow. You have no idea how the gross cut could be this infected in the short matter of time, but decide that maybe it’s best to not wonder and just clean it. Fighting a wave of nausea, you crawl out of bed and sit down on the floor. Lifting the bed sheets and comforter to reach under the bed, you reach your non gruesomely wounded hand and shuffle around until your fingers touch a cool metal surface. You reach in and wrap your fingers around the object and pull it towards you. It’s an old medical kit you had bought a few years ago, and whenever you get money or something, you fill it with more supplies to bandage wounds and such.  
  

   You unlatch the little lock and the top creaks open. You haven’t even needed to use this in awhile; the abuse has usually just verbal or a punch to the face. You pick out things to clean, stitch, and wrap your arm. You take one of the thick wash cloths that you had stolen and apply pressure to the wound. You bite your tongue and whimper as your nerves sting and your fingers tremble. You push down on the wound until blood and nasty fluids soak the rag, in which you get another one. When you are sure that you wound has been squeezed of liquids, you grab a peroxide pad and gently dab the infected area (which is most of the top of your arm). You then dry it and attempt to remove the shitty sewing that Bro had done. What an asshole.   
 

  You spread antibacterial cream on a cotton pad and then dab that on the wound as well. Maybe you can stop the infection from spreading…You shudder at the thought of having to cut your arm off or something because Dirk had taken a fucking katana to your arm when you fought back. You open a pack of the small medical needles, each one disinfected and sharp. You thread one of the smaller needles, and insert the point into your flesh, and then level the needle to the other wall of flesh. You push it through and tug. You carefully zigzag your needle and thread until your flesh is pulling back together. You wince before cutting the thread and tying the most decent knot you can with only one hand.  
 

  You re-clean your arm and go for some gauze. You wrap your arm and pin it with three safety pins when you are done. You put away your medical kit and throw away the needle and cloths you used. You should probably take a look at the rest of your body.  
Dave: Go to the kitchen and eat something==>

  You have finished your home remedies, hid the bruises with makeup, and went to the bathroom to relieve yourself. You must have been out for a long time, considering how badly you had to piss. You cautiously and quietly walk into the kitchen, and you see Bro. you have no idea how to react with him. Usually, after your seriously bad fights, he will lock you in your room, but you would like to think that since you were unconscious… maybe he felt bad. Or didn’t want the police involved. One reason or the other, you suppose. You shuffle in the kitchen entrance, chewing your lip. You have no idea where your shades are, and you feel super self conscious of yourself. Bro sips his coffee but doesn’t indicate he knows of your presence.  
 

 “Uh, D-Dirk?” You ask, and you watch as your older brother sets his mug on the table and turns to you.   
  

“What?” His voice is soft, and you can help but remember when you were little, and he loved you. You remember loving him, too. Honestly, you are just scared shitless of him, but even so, you can’t find it in your heart to truly hate him. Sure, you think about hating him from time to time, but you just…can’t.  
 

“How long have I been asleep?” You decide that is a safer question, rather than accusing him of knocking you out.  
 

 “Two days,” You choke on your own saliva and stare at him as if he grew three heads and a tail.  
 

 “Two?” You yelp, shaking your head, which only makes you dizzy. For two days, you have been left alone on a bed. You haven’t went to school, ate, or taken your medication.  
 

  “Yep. Thought it was a coma for awhile there…I called the school to tell them you had been in a car crash with your friend,” Bro mutters in reply, and you gape at him. Too tired and hurt to feel angry, you sit down at the table instead, and lay your face on the cool surface. You could do nothing for the split on your lip, and now you run your tongue over it, licking and lapping it the little scab that stings at the edges. It was rather comforting to lick the cut, as if you could heal it faster by doing so. You doubt it, but you like to pretend.  
 

  “Are you okay?” He asks. You shrug in reply. You really don’t get him. He always calls you hurtful names, and beats and hits you until you have lost all strength, and when you fall, for some reason he catches you and dotes on you, as if you are the most important thing in the world. You decide that you hate him, now, when realizing this. You just grunt in reply to his question, and he sighs. You have the weirdest relationship with him.  
 

  “Would you like something to eat?” Before he finishes his question, your stomach makes angry snarling noises that remind you of how hungry you are. You pat your scrawny tummy, momentarily forgetting the bruise that colors it. You wince and shrug.  
 

  “What do you want?” Bro asks his voice still soft and annoyingly caring. You stand up angrily, shaking all over. The chair skids back, and falls to the floor, but neither of you move, neither of you speak while he watches tears hang precariously on your long eyelashes.  
 

   “I’ll tell you what I want. I want my loving brother back. I want him to accept me for me, and I want to not have to cover scars and bruises from my friends. I want to be happy and not be scared to come home at the end of the day. I want to be happy again,” You whimper. Your speech is not nearly as impressive as it sounded in your head, and you rather sound like a child trying to reason with an adult to buy him something he doesn’t deserve.   
 

 “I didn’t know you felt that way,” Dirk murmurs calmly, and picks up his mug of tea and walks over to you. He lays a gentle hand on your shoulder, and you flinch. He does not allow you to shy away from him, but he also doesn’t make you meet his eyes-which you are thankful for. Tears drop onto your flushed cheeks, and roll down to your chin, where they hand and fall onto the table top.  
 

  “I’m sorry,” Dirk murmurs, and you look up at him with wide eyes. He continues, “I’m sorry, Dave. But you deserve this.”  
 

  “What-“You are cut off when he brings the scalding hot mug over your head, the contents inside splashing on your face and burning your skin. You scream in surprise and jerk away from him. You stumble to turn on your heel, and run out of the kitchen to your room. You stomp up the stairs growling angrily and crying even harder. How could have you been so stupid to think that he might have cared for you, even for a moment? You are such a god damned idiot. You run down the hallway and when you get into your room, you slam the door and lock it. You slide down the door and rub away the warm sticky mess. You hate yourself, you decide. You don’t hate Dirk; you hate yourself more than anything. You just have to like guys more than girls. You just have to be an idiot in school, a trouble maker, and a horrible friend. You remember seeing Karkat getting bullied, but you were too scared to help him out. You tried to convince him he should hate you, but he wouldn’t have it. You think that if you were being beat up by someone and need help, and someone was too scared…You think you would hate them.  
 

   You are just a stupid, no good fool, you tell yourself as you crawl across the room. You open a drawer in your night stand and look inside. You do deserve everything that happens to you. You deserve to die. You pull out an old hunting knife that belonged to Bro. He gave it to you after you turned ten. It was a month later when he started to abuse you. It was three years later when you told him you were gay, and he went from verbal to physical abuse. You cry harder as you stare at the knife.  
 

  “I hate myself,” You sniffle. You cry harder and stare pathetically at the stupid shining object.

 You just want to die, to hurt yourself. You don’t want bro to hurt you, though; You want to do it yourself so you can have control on how far to go, how much pain you want to feel, How you want to die. You begin to cry so hard that you hiccup rather than sob, and you fall back onto the bed. The knife is still in your hand and you lift it up to stare at your reflection in the blade's smooth surface. You sigh and tilt the knife's point towards your neck. Goodbye, cruel world.

You raise the knife as far as your arm can stretch. You figure that since the blade is so sharp, thin as paper, and the handle is heavy as hell...and your neck is so soft and sensitive...you may just be able to drop the knife and it will at least slit something important. You sure hope so. You squeeze your eyes shut, and your pulse pounds hard in your ears. Yes, you want to die. It’s better for everyone, Dirk said that you were a mistake, and you are. Okay. You let the blade slip through your fingers.

  Your laptop pings just as your fingers release the object and out of habit you turn your head in that direction. You scream when the knife Knicks the area where your shoulder and neck meet. You rise up and grab your neck with your left hand, and you pull it away to see a bit of blood; just a little bit.

  "Uhg, I can’t even commit suicide right! I am a fucking failure!" You cry, and roll off the bed to your computer where you see you are getting a Skype call from John. You click the answer button without thinking. John's face lights up when he sees you answered, and he attempts to smooth his naturally messy hair.

 "Dave! I didn’t think you lived!" John cheers, and your breath catches.

 "Lived through w-what?" you stutter, wondering if he knew.

 "The car accident, of course!" John says, as if it was the most obvious thing. You balk at him and then rage crosses your face-your coffee stained, bruise coved, shadeless face.

 "I wasn’t in a fucking car accident," you snarl. John gives you a look of surprise and tilts his head.

 "What do you mean?" He asks biting his lip, “You have bruises all over your face..."

"I mean what I said, John. These bruises weren’t from a car accident," you grumble, and begin to rub your face tenderly. John's eyebrows pull together in confusion and leans away from the camera.

"Then what happened?" He inquires. A lump suddenly forms in your throat, and you find your chin quivering.

"I-well, I am," You can’t finish what you were saying. You have been dying to tell someone what was going on, and now that you have the chance, you can’t bring yourself to do it. You are too scared, scared of someone else hurting you, of Bro getting angry or thrown in jail or something.

"I was in a fight when I went to town yesterday," You lie, feeling very crappy for doing so. John raises a disbelieving brow.

"Then why haven't you been in school for two days? Surely the fight wasn’t that bad."

"I just didn’t feel like coming," you answer simply, hoping he wouldn’t call you out on the lie.

"Uh-huh. Sure, that’s why," John voices sarcastically, and you pout.

"I have to take a shower or something, so I'll see you tomorrow at school," you grumble.

"Tomorrow is Saturday, Dave!" John laughs, and you smile a bit.

"Then I guess I'll see you Monday." John shakes his head, his wide blue eyes excited and he bounces in his seat.

"I have an idea! Why don’t you spend the weekend at my house? My dad is on a business trip, but he said as long as I jeep the house clean I could have friends over to keep me company!" John is really optimistic and happy, and you think it’s really cute. You sigh sadly and raise your hand back up to your neck to rub the little bloody scratch. Moat certainly not deep enough to worry about; it will most likely be completely healed Monday.

"I don’t know how Bro will feel about me going-"

"It's okay! I will call Dirk when right now, and convince him to let you stay! Go ahead and take your shower. Bye!" John hangs up the call before you could say anything, and you stare at the computer screen with your eyes bugging out. Good god, John will end up being the death of you.

Hoping Bro won’t kill you, you grab fresh clothes and your shades, and a towel to take to the bathroom.  You creep down the hallway and into the bathroom. You shut and lock the door after you, and set your clothes and towel on the sink. You reach past the thick shower curtain to twist the knob onto a nice hot setting. Steam spills over the shower curtain and begins to fill the room as boiling water jets from the old shower head. You undress, completely avoiding the mirror, and toss you blood and coffee stained clothes into the overflowed hamper. Finally, you carefully throw one leg over the bathtub wall and step inside. You shuffle behind the stream of water, holding a testing finger to check the water.

You deem the water worthy of your presence and slide under the hot water. It feels nice on your aching muscles, but was a bad idea for the little cuts and your stitches. You will need new gauze after this shower, but honestly you could give a shit less right now. You pull the shampoo and condoner from the little rack on the tiled wall on the inside of the shower. Tired and sore, you lazily lean against the wall and slide down to the floor. The water gets in your eyes and mouth, but you pay no mind and instead worry about washing your hair. By the time you finished doing the normal shower routine, you are too tired and lazy to move, so you continue to sit against the wall, and think.

You just tried to attempt suicide in probably the most pathetic way possible. You were fearful and angry, so you reacted without thinking. You shake your head, knowing you don’t actually deserve this. You deserve a loving family and a good life. But just because you deserve it doesn’t mean you’ll get it. Sighing, you pull yourself off the floor of the shower, and your hand lazily twists the knob. You push the curtain violently aside and stand dripping in the middle of the bathroom. You find it stuffy and hard to breathe so you quickly dry yourself off and slip into your boxers. You wiggle into a pair of really short shorts and a pink frilly tank top. It is one of your favorite shirts that you never get to wear.

You step out of the bathroom and the cold air hits your bare skin. You shudder and walk back to your room. When you open the door, you jump in surprise to see Dirk sitting on your bed with a bag in his lap.

"You are going to your friend’s house for the weekend. I packed you some of your shitty girl clothes. Go grab your medicine and tooth brush,” Dirk orders, and you just stare at him for a moment. Holy shit, how did John convince him to let you go? An impossibly big smile breaks across your face and you turn on your heel to run back to the bathroom. You are nearly bouncing when you push the door back open and are met with the steamy room once more. You strut to the sink and grab your toothbrush and then you open the medicine cabinet. You grab your anxiety, depression, blood pressure, and allergy pills, and run back to your room where Bro is gathering a few more things for you.

  “I can’t wait to get your useless ass out of this place. I have people I want to bring over but you are too much of a fuckin’ embarrassment.” Bro grumbles and you frown a little bit. That stings, but when doesn’t his insults sting? You just nod to him while you toss the pill bottles into the bag and zip it up.

  “Am I coming back on Sunday?” You murmur, and Bro shrugs.

  “I said you could stay until his dad comes back. That’s why I am getting all of this shit together for your incompetent ass,” Bro comments, and you exhale slowly. Okay then, looks like you will be staying awhile. Gives you a good chance to let the wounds and bruises heal before you come back and get more of them. You grab your iPod and phone, pack your laptop, and grab your shades while Dirk roams around the room to find things that may be of use to your “scrawny ass”…You suppose you are on the _thin_ side. Rude, none the less.

**Dave: Go to John’s house== >**

 

  You step off the city bus a block from John’s house. Of all the years you two have been friends together, you have never actually been to his house. You live on the back roads with Rose, where the school bus s able to pick you up. John, on the other hand, is within walking distance to the city school you attend, so you have honestly never _seen_ his house either. He said he would stand in the front yard so you could find him, and honestly, you are grateful. Every house on this block looks the same, aside from individual lawn ornaments, flower beds, and whether or not there was a dog chained up or a cat lazing on the front porch. The houses are all two stories, white walls with a grey roof. All have a nice big tree in the front yards, and the same white mailbox. You strut down the side walk with your shades protecting you from the sun; your bare legs are covered with chill bumps from the fall wind. Just when you begin to become irritated with the strange weather patterns and identical houses, you see John sitting in his empty driveway; play an old DS, probably one of the first ones to come out.

  “Yo’, Egbert,” You call, and John looks up. He shields his eyes and squints at you, staring in amazement as you walk over. You stand above him, smiling. You can’t help but smile with this goofball, and since you are the only two around, you suppose it’s okay to not fight the smile.

  “Wow, Dave. You look so cute,” John laughs, standing up. You feel a blush on your face and you turn your head to avoid his eyes.

  “What?”

  “Well, you never wear such girly clothes! The head band is great though,” Yes, you are wearing a fake flower crown of pink daisies. No, you don’t give a shit who sees.

  “Th-thanks, egnerd,” you grumble, and he lets out a laugh.

  “C’mon, I wanna show you my place! After we take the grand tour, do you wanna order a pizza? Oh, I got a new game system and some games last week and I forgot to tell you! We can play on multi player-“ You let him ramble on and on, glad that he is as excited as you are; Though you are sure he is excited to have his _friend_ over, where as you are excited to be at your crush’s house.

**Dave: Finish the grand tour== >**

  You and John sit on the couch in the living room, giggling like a bunch of Japanese school girls. You both had made some very amusing prank calls.

  “Ha-ha, okay, do you want to order the pizza now?” John asks, and you nod happily. He smiles warmly at you and you feel your heart stutter in your chest. Oh god, you want to hug him and kiss him and call him yours-No, stop this. He is your friend and he has made it _very_ clear about the no homo thing. Sometimes, being a gay teenager sucks.

  “Oh, Hi Phil! It’s me, John! Yeah, I would like a large Pepperoni pizza; uh…Sure, we’ll take those. And what drink offers do you have? Uh huh, okay, then I’ll have the first and third option, please. Thanks! Remember, if you aren’t here in fifteen minutes, it’s free! Ha-ha, bye Phil!” You stare at John as he slams the phone down on the receiver, and then turns to you with an excited grin.

  “Guess what I got for you, Dave,” John orders. You scowl.

  “I don’t like guessing games,” You whine.

  “But you like me so guess!” John snickers, and then he wiggles his eyebrows. A blush creeps up your neck and dusts your cheeks.

  “Oh, man. Have I been that apparent?” You ask, but try to make it sound like you are goofing off with him. Of course he doesn’t know, Right? You would never tell him because you are too much of a pansy. John pouts.

  “Just guess, douche bag,” He complains, and you sigh in relief. Content that he didn’t continue on that weird subject, you guess ‘what’.

  “I am buying you apple juice!” He cheers, and you stare at him as if he lost it.

  “Dude, I love apple juice, but you are making it out as if I am obsessed.”

  “Dave…You kinda are.” 

  “No I’m not!”

  “If you are not obsessed with it, then why do you have at least three different shirts with apple juice boxes on them?”

  “ _Irony_ , John. _”_

“Do you even know what the actual definition means?”

  “No…”

**Dave: spend ten minutes pouring over a Webster’s dictionary on the floor with John== >**

 

“Ah-ha! ‘A state of affairs or an event that seems deliberately contrary to what one expects and is often amusing as a result’. See?” John laughs, pointing. You raise your shades and stare at the book, then point to the second definition below it with a triumphant grin.

“But look here. ‘The expression of one's meaning by using language that normally signifies the opposite, typically for humorous or emphatic effect.’ See?” You mimic, and John rolls his eyes.

  “Fine, it’s a tie,” John grumbles, and you grin and bump your shoulder against his.

  “Do I get a prize?” You ask hopefully, and he looks like he is thinking on it.

  “What do you want?” He asks in return, and you tilt your head.

  “Uh…I don’t know. You have anything that can benefit us both?” You ask, looking around the living room. When you turn back to face him, he is dangerously close to your face.

  “I have an idea,” He murmurs, and pushes your shades up. You blush and try to think of something intelligent to say, but the closer and closer he gets, the more scrambled your brain is.

  “W-what?” You ask, and watch as he closes his eyes and tilts his head. You do the same but otherwise stay still. His lips are almost brushing yours. Oh god, he just might kiss you. Ohgodohgodohgod. This is so uncool, but you can’t help but get flustered and excited. The door bell rings and John pulls away quickly with a grin.

  “Pizza’s here!” He cheers, and leaps up. You open your eyes and pout. God dammit. You fall face first onto the floor groaning. Well, fuck. Looks like you are never getting your first kiss, huh?

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //Love youu my perfect purple bumble bees! Stay amazing<3


	4. Hella sweet rave party(Part one)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave goes to a rave party<3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //please ignore any errors, I didn't have a chance to proof read this*le sob*

**Dave: Hang out with John == >**

  It has been two hours since the almost kiss with John. Damn that pizza guy for being on time. Full on pizza, Cheese bread, and apple juice, you both decided to lazily play video games on the couch. He was currently slapping your Little Big Planet character around.

  "So, Dave," John starts, sounding nonchalantly. You don’t look away from the screen, where you are trying to shake John’s character off of yours. You hum in acknowledgement.

  "Okay, so uhm, I want to know about," He interrupts himself to make a nervous noise in the back of his throat. You glance at him.

  "Yeah?" you ask, feeling major empathy as he basically radiates from discomfort. John sighs.

  "I wanted to know about the bruises," John grumbles, and you stiffen in surprise.

  "Bruises? What bruises?" you ask, you voice betraying you. John pauses the game (even though you both were just goofing off on the main screen) and turns his body towards you.

  "I'm talking about these, and the scars....there are so many," He murmurs, brushing his fingers along your arms and then moving your hair to show a few bruises on the side of your face. You suck in a quick breath, and hold it in, unable to exhale.

  "I-I don’t see any bruises. Maybe you should check to make sure your glasses actually work," You stutter, moving away from him. You scoot to the end of the couch and fold your skinny arms across your chest.

  "Dave, don’t lie to me," John chastens, his expression hard. You shake your head and jump off of the couch, too embarrassed to tell him the reason behind all your scars.

  "I told you I was in a fight in town. Man, those guys pounced me when I walked outta the store. The just grabbed me up and pulled me into an alley-"

  "Dave, those scars are too old for them to have happened the other day," John intervenes, and you find that you couldn’t stop quivering. You shuffle where you stand. This is your chance, Idiot. You can finally tell someone, and get help. But for some reason, it isn’t as easy as you always thought it would be. You have planned this chat with your best friend so many times, went over it again and again, telling him that you are abused at home. Yet you still can’t spit it out.

  "I...I can’t tell you," You admit, and turn your gaze to the ground. Push your shades as high on the bridge of your nose that they can go, and continue to shuffle your feet.

  "Dave, I worry about you," John murmurs, and he sets his controller on the couch beside yours. He hoists himself off of the squishy cushions and makes a point to stand in front of you. He is really short compared to your height, and he is also absurdly cute. His black hair stands up in strategically odd points, and he has these huge turquoise eyes surrounded by, like, a million long dark eyelashes. His glasses are almost too big for his face and slip down his nose a little bit, and he has this sweet quirky smile, one that he’s giving you now, and my god, it is tearing your heart up because you aren’t sure how to feel-

  The phone rings. John's smile drops and he puts his hands on his hips.

  "We will talk about this after I get off the phone. We are to have a feelings jam!" John yelps, and you start in surprise. He sounds like he’s trying to be heroic or something as he puffs out his tiny chest before giggling. God, what a fucking dork. John turns on his heel to grab the house phone in the kitchen, and you take that as an okay to sit down once more.

  You curl your knees to your chest and slump over to your side, and stare through your shades at the paused TV screen. You are so exhausted, and you wish you could have just told John. You wish you weren’t abused and you wish that you didn’t have a crush on your best friend. He keeps sending you all these damned mixed signals. Today wasn’t the first time he’s almost kissed you; it’s happened a few times before. But usually the next day, he is shouting nonsense such as "No homo!" and "I'm not a Homosexual" At you and your friends. You really don’t know how he feels about you and it is beginning to make you sad and confused. As if you don’t have enough shit on your plate here lately, you don’t need him to add on to the dump pile.

  "Hold on, I'll check-"Your ears perk as Johns voice suddenly filters into your awareness. John pushes the little swinging doors to the side and looks at you with a raised brow.

  "Wanna go to a Rave Party tonight?" John asks. You sit up and stare at the doofus.

  "A rave party?" you ask incredulously. John smiles and nods.

  "Holy shit, of course I do!" You bark, "When?" john shrugs and asks the person on the other line. Then, he checks his watch.

  "Uh, in two hours," he replies, and you nod your head excitedly. Your crush gives you a tiny smirk and walks back into the kitchen. The parlor doors swing back and forth in his absence and you can’t help but grin like mad. Okay, so will this be like a date? Oh my God, you hope it is. Think of how his hot body dances with yours under flashing lights and loud songs. Maybe you guys will drink some spiked punch and fall into a sloppy make out- John calls your name from in the kitchen and his voice pulls you from your almost fantasy. You excitedly jump off the couch and fall flat on your face. You bound off of the floor, pretending you didn’t fall and die (although you totally did) and rush into the kitchen.

  “Yeah?” You ask, and John smiles and climbs onto the counter.

  “We ought to eat and such before the party, you know? Sometimes people try to sneak fucking poison and drugs and shit into other people’s food and drinks,” John states, and opens up a cabinet. You smile and walk behind him.

  “Do you see pop tarts?” John asks, and your reach up for a box that was facing away from them. In order to grab them, though, you had to lean in close behind John, pressing your chest against his back. Rather than tense like you thought he would do, he uses you for support and just relaxes. Warning signals go off in your head and your heart begins to thunder like mad. Jesus Fucking Christ, He is sending so many mixed signals and it is just fucking you up. You shakily pull the pop tarts down and observe how john gets comfortable and crosses his legs.

  “Will you open the box for me?” John asks. Fuckfuckfuck why can’t he do it himself? But he is too cute and tiny to resist that you just have to do this for him. Being an idiot, you wrap both arms around his ~~huggable~~ small waist and open the box in front of him; rather than just pull back and do it. Your hands tremble and god you are so nervous, and to see the box you have to put your head on his shoulder and basically fUCKING CUDDLE WITH YOUR CRUSH FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK.

  “Hey Dave?” John breathes, and you are aware of how red your face is, and how slender and sweet John’s body is up against yours.

  “Uh, yeah?” You ask, and John puts a hand over yours.

  “Do you like me…you know…more than a friend?” Yep, there’s that scary question. You pull away from him-dropping the box in his lap in the process-and begin to blush.

  “W-what?” You yelp, your voice going up an octave. God, you are so uncool. John twists himself around and stares at you with a slight blush.

  “You heard me,” John tries to convince you, but you are too embarrassed to look at him, even with your shades on. You make a noise of discomfort and hide your face in your hands.

  “I-Well, I’m gonna go get ready!” You basically shout, and turn on your heel. John is left in the kitchen, laughing his ass off. You grab your bag of clothes and rush to the bathroom. When you are sure the door is locked behind you, you can finally breathe normally. Okay, first things first; assess the damage. You find a full body mirror and stand in front of it. You drop your shades onto your baggage, and turn your face this way and that. Nothing a little concealer can’t hide, right? Okay, calm down Strider, he’s a prankster-focus! With a little more convincing, you finally pull your make up kit out of your bag and begin to hide random bruises and little scrapes. You contemplate on rubbing concealer across the freckles that lightly spot your face, but then decide against it. There are no bruises near the freckles across your nose and cheeks, so there is really no need to do that. This stuff is only for bruises-or when you have a nasty zit, but we won’t talk about that. Now, to decide about your shades. You could wear them, but you could also convince that your red irises were contacts added for the occasion. Anyways, you bought new eyeliner and you have wanted to try it for some time now.

  You carefully darken your water line, and then add wings to your eyelid. You let the liquid dry and when you open your eyes, you are almost attracted by what you see in the mirror. Your ruby irises almost look stunning, and you make faces at the mirror, some silly, some plain, and you even convey a rather sexy one that you want to try out on Egbert. You delicately toss your new eyeliner into the small cosmetics bag and dig out an old blue eyeliner pencil. You proceed to draw a tiny blue heart on your cheek. Damn, you are a fuckin’ cutie. Boom. You will be getting’ all the ladies and men tonight…You wonder if you could get Egbert as well? You shake your head and drop the pencil into the bag, zip it up, and then decide to find something to wear.

  You are excited to find that Bro had packed your favorite pair of shorts. They glow lime green under a black light, and they hug your ass perfectly. You shimmy out of the shorts you are already wearing and slip on the soft neon green ones. You then fish out a t-shirt. A cute, simple lacy red tank top that hugs your muscles nicely. You slide on thigh high kitten socks (they are pink and blue) and then a pair of normal red sneakers. You look fine as fuck, and now all you need are some accessories. You can’t wait to see how John reacts to this. You may get your chance now, Dave. You hear a knock on the door.

  “Yeah?” You ask, forgetting your earlier embarrassment.

  “I have some awesome glow-in-the-dark stuff, if you want to wear them! Bracelets and stuff you know?” You could almost hear him shrug, “I have this awesome Nic Cage bracelet that is green and-Holy fucking shit,” John breathes. You decided you didn’t want to hear him prattle on and on about a shitty actor, so you opened the door. You almost shiver as John’s eyes graze every inch of your body, right back up to meet your ruby colored eyes. He licks his lips and blushes.

  “Wow, you look…wow,” His eyes are the size of baseballs, and you feel your ego boost up to the fuckin’ max. You smile and turn to give him a side view.

"Do I really?" you ask, not even bothering to come up with a cool kid response. You are absolutely elated that he is looking at you the way he is and you are pretty sure that he won’t notice.

"Dang," He mutters, and your heart seizes with joy. He reaches down and runs a hand down your calf, and you blush furiously.

"These stalkings are cute," He murmurs and looks up at you. Before you could get another word out, he is straightened back up and suddenly in your face. "Your eyes...so freaking pretty! Is that your real eye color?" You can’t handle how close he is, nor can you handle how he just keeps complimenting you. You flush and despite the fact that he said your eyes are pretty, you shake your head.

"No, contacts," You wheeze. John pulls away, licking his over sized front teeth, and then his tongue traces the curves of his soft pink lips. Somehow, he managed to look sexy while doing that and you suddenly had the urge to jump him right then and there. You shake the thought away.

"So, anyways," John pipes, looking enthusiastic again. He holds up a bunch of glow-in-the-dark bracelets and such, and you are reminded of a kid proudly holding up his finished first copy of sweet bro and hella Jeff comic. You smile and lean against the door way.

"I have some blue ones for myself, and I figured we could split the green. I know red is your favorite color. But the store only had pink ones left," John prattles, and you raise a brow.

"When did you go to the store to get these?" You ask, and watch as your little friend starts to place bracelet after bracelet on his little arm.

"I go to raves all the time. I bought these about two months ago for one in particular," John chirps in response, and you gape at him before smirking.

"Wow, you really aren’t the dork you were in eighth grade, are you?" you ask, and ruffle his hair. He laughs and swats your hand away with a smile.

"I can be pretty cool when I want to be. Oh yeah, look at my Nic Cage button! It also glows!" John spurts, waving the button under your nose. Now it was your turn to swat him away, and he laughs again. You could help but smile back at him. He is always so optimistic, and by hanging out with him, you feel optimistic too (if not a little dorky).

"So, the pink bracelets?" You inquire, and your friend grins.

"Here ya go!" he begins to cover your arms with the neon plastic tubes, and then he has a grand time trying to wrap some around your neck. By the time he is done and you both will be glowing from head to toe, the both of you are a giggling mess.

"Oh, Dave, you’re so pretty," John giggles, fluttering his eyelashes-and doing a pretty damn good job, too. You bat your eyelashes back.

"Why thank you, Jonathan," You reply, “Does my butt look big?"

"You know that’s not my name!" John giggles, and leans against the wall for support. You wonder if he is already drunk somehow, and you give him an amused grin.

"But yes, you have huge buttocks," You give him a look you hope seemed to say you took offence to that remark.

"How rude," You chaste, and John begins to laugh again. You swear up a storm, laugh some more, and by the time you are done, there is a car pulling up in his drive way.

**Dave: Arrive at the hella sweet Rave Party== >**

 You climb out of the back seat of a fucking nice green Ferrari with John. Out of all people, Nepeta Lejion Scampers out of the driver’s seat and Equius Zahhak from the passenger side. You don’t know Lejion or Zahhak all too well, just that they are some acquaintances of Kanaya and Rose’s. You guys had traveled quite the distance to get here, in the middle of town. The building you all stare at looks like an old abandoned apartment complex, and looks like a place where people get murdered, not dance and drink at. Apparently the beefy guy thinks the same as you, because he gives his partner a sharp look.

  “Nepeta, I thought we were going to a rave…this place is so filthy,” He grumbles, and turns a snobby nose away from the building.

  “It’s underground, Equihiss!” The girl purrs, and you raise a brow at her.

  “Why would it be ‘underground’?” You ask, and John lets out a small peal of laughter.

  “So the cops won’t find it. The Makara's run this place, ya know. The usually use it for their clown cults or whatever, but sometimes Gamzee fires up some pretty sick parties,” John explains, waving his hands around. You are thankful he is talking, because now it gives you a chance to admire his choice of outfit; which looks pretty damn good on him. His Capri’s hug the curves of his fine legs and choice ass, and he wears a very thing sky blue hoodie. He-like you and your friends-is decorated to the nines with glow in the dark shit. He wears a flat bill pepsi-cola hat to cover his spiked hair. He is really attractive, and you still have the urge to jump him.

  “Dave, are you listening to me?” John whines, and you jump.

  “What?”

  “I was telling you about all the cool stuff that Gamzee has in store for us,” He pouts at you and you give him an apologetic shrug. John rolls his eyes and pushes your arm. “Whatever, dweeb. Let’s go!” You turn your head to see Nepeta slinking towards the building with Equius hot on her tail. You and John quickly walk behind them, John more or less leading the way for you. When the four of you get to the door, Nepeta gives you an eerily cat like look, and brings a finger to her lips. You glance between Equius and John, but neither of them look at you. You gulp and turn your eyes to Nepeta once more. She knocks on the old glass doors that had been boarded up from the inside. It’s quite for a moment, and then there is the sound of boards being pulled apart. You stand back and watch as the inside boards slips casually away from the glass, seemingly another door. A man with a ghastly spray tan and a smug grin stands before your tiny group.

  “Hello, how may I be of assistance to you?” He asks, but there is a hint of something in his voice, something you couldn’t quite place.

  “Hussie! Just let us in, Jegus!” Nepeta whines, and grabs the rusted door handle. The man named Hussie glares at her.

  “You know there is a password. I can’t just let you in,”  He barks in reply. Nepeta hisses at him and raises a middle finger at him. Equius gives her a disapproving glare that the feline like girl does not see, but he does not say anything.

  “Oh my god,” Nepeta snarls, slamming a palm to her forehead, “Want the pass word? I’ll give it to you and shove it right up your ass-“Equius grabs her from behind and places a hand over her lips. She mumbles more obscene words and you and John stare at each other with disbelief.

  “That is the last time I let you hang out with that Vantas boy,” Equius grumbles, and gives the bouncer a slightly apologetic smile. “My apologies for my friend’s lood behavior. Wolf Head.” Hussie gives Equius a quick grin and slips an angry glare at Nepeta. The strong boy lets the girl go and she darts inside the building as soon as the door is pushed open. John grabs your wrist and drags you inside. Equius follows behind, calling for his best friend, and you crane your neck over your shoulder to watch Hussie shut the door and replace the small wall of boards. He sits at a fold out chair and locks eyes with you. He gives you a knowing look, and presses his finger to his lips. You quickly look away, shaking off a strange feeling. You feel as if you owe this man something…you shudder and do not think about it.

  It feels like your group has walked forever in the dank, dimly lit building. Dust moats float in the filmy light that small lamps provide, and alabaster coats the tiled floors like a fresh blanket of snow. You nudge your way around random boards and loose floor tiles, picking your way around furniture that has cliché white sheets tossed nonchalantly over them. Your group walks through holes in the walls, passing through door ways with doors hanging on their rusted hinges. Yep, they are definitely going to kill you. There is absolutely no way there are any hella sweet rave parties here.

  “Almost there, John murmurs. You find him in the dark beside you, his colorful accessories faintly glowing. You nod, although you aren’t sure if he seen because he walks ahead of you and the other two of your party. There is a thick mahogany door with a large half lit, green exit sign above it. John knocks on the door, and it is pushed open. The man at this door is very pale (especially compared to Hussie) and wears a glowing green suit. He wears what you assume (and hope) are whit contacts, and his pale lips stretch into a thin smile.

“Hello, how may I be of assistance to you?” The man inquires politely. Your stare at him blankly, waiting for someone to say something. While the others sit quietly for a minute, you are faintly aware that someone is playing music somewhere. You specially trained ears prick at the sound, but you can’t say if it was a trick of your imagination or if there is a room somewhere far below you playing some upbeat song.

  “Omniscient Cue Ball,” John says boldly, and the man winks at him and side steps.

  “Very well, I knew you were going to be the one to say it. Good day,” His voice is sickenly sweet, and your stomach churns. Nope, you don’t like him too much.

  “Watch your step,” John murmurs. You do not heed his warning, of course. As you walk past the man, you nearly trip when you find a set of stairs. John snorts at you quietly.

  “I warned you ‘bout those stairs, man,” He snickers, and you send him a glare before slowly descending.

  “You never said anything about stairs,” You hiss. As you all walk down the god forbidden stairs, you and John argue persistently. There are no lights what-so-ever, and you have to hold onto the wall; you flinch when your hand runs in something slimy. You quickly wipe your hands on the back of your jeans and sigh.

  “You alright?” John asks, and you shrug before realizing he can’t see. You twist your head to your left where his glowing Nic Cage button glows stupidly on his chest.

  “I’m fine, just can’t fuckin’ see,” You grumble. He giggles cutely and you feel something warm slip into your hand. You blush intensely when his fingers tangle with yours. Feeling much better, you continue the descent on the everlasting fucking stair case. Finally, you see a small light at the bottom. Anticipation makes you pull on John’s hand. He gets the idea and you both tromp down the stair at a quicker pace. Nepeta calls for you to not go in with out here, but neither of you listen. You reach the bottom of the stairs with a wide grin, one that is quickly replaced when you see just another tiny room, another tiny door, and another tiny fold out chair that can’t be too comfortable to sit on all night. But in that uncomfortable chair is a tall thin figure with his head slumped forward.

  A mess of black and purple streaked hair covers most of the boy’s face, but that isn’t what disturbed you. His T-shirt and polka-dotted pants are painted with a thick red substance that looks strangely like blood. John clears his throat, not looking the least bit as mortified as you are. The boy looks up and you gape when you realize it is the senior, Gamzee Makara. His face is painted up with white and grey smeared clownish makeup, and he has purple glow-in-the-dark paint smeared in three messy streaks on his face. He gives John a cheeky grin and lifts up what seems to be a juggler’s club. It too is painted with a red substance.

  “How may I be of a…MOTHER FUCKING…assistance to you, brother?” He asks, his voice laced with poison, yet his dopey indigo eyes hold strange warmth. You are fucking frightened of him-always have been. Yet, seeing him in a closed space with a blood splattered outfit seemed to unhinge your nerves. You begin to quake slightly and you lean into John’s small frame for comfort. His hand tightens in yours. John keeps his smile but says nothing until Equius and Nepeta arrive.

  “I told you to wait,” Nepeta whines, and John shrugs. Nepeta then walks over to Gamzee with her tongue sticking out.

  “The password is,” Nepeta chirps, leaning forward, “Honk Honk!” She squeals. Gamzee grins and bangs his club against the door twice. You flinch, but watch with excited eyes as the door opens and music and lights flood your senses.

  “Welcome to the dark carnival, my brothers,” Gamzee murmurs, and bows his head once more.

  “Holy shit,” You breathe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //Sorry I took so long for this to be finally put up. I was really sick :/ Hope you enjoyed! The next chapter will actually be the rave party! Sorry for more out of character-ness>-> Stay perfect bumblebees!!


	5. Hella sweet rave party(Part two)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave drinks a drink called Sopor Slime. What a fucking idiot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //sorry this sucks, can't proof read, in class-bye!

> **Dave: Be the Emo Kid== >**
> 
> Your name is KARKAT VANTAS, and you are currently fighting a boner as your cute girlfriend drunkenly grinds against you. The music is loud, the lights pulse to the beat of your heart, and sweaty bodies grind, sway, jump, and surge in masses around you. You must admit, your subjugulator friends throw pretty sick parties.
> 
> The strobe lights make your girlfriend look sexy and mysterious as she rubs against your leather clad pants.
> 
> "Jade," you grumble, knowing she won't be able to hear you over the intense music, “You are drunk."
> 
> "No I'm not, asshat," she giggles, turning around to face you. You both are pretty short teenagers, but she is currently wearing plat form heels that make her at least an inch taller than you. The eyes she was named after are a soft green, her pupils are dilated, and her lids droop slightly. She wears a sneaky grin and a black dress just as mischievous. It looks like something she may have borrowed from Porrim; Black and green, dangerously low cut, and really tight. There is a slit that runs up to her left thigh, and you so badly want to stroke her soft pink flesh. But, being the good guy you are, you resist the urge.
> 
> "Yes you are," You bark, and she pouts a plump red lip at you. She brushes one of her wild black curls behind her ear with a perfectly manicured black nail and sighs. She sways and you grab onto her arm.
> 
> "Here, let’s go get you some water or something," You do not suggest this, though. You order her to take your hand and follow you. She sluggishly weaves through the dancers as you drag her along.
> 
> "You know, I got a text from John ten minutes ago. He said they were here," You shout over the loud music. Kaleidoscope by Knife Party screams through the wicked stereo systems, and flashing green lights swing and flicker along with the beat. You make it to your destination and gently push your girlfriend on a small purple bar stool. You ask the bartender-who happened to be Kurloz Makara-for two glasses of water. He silently retrieves what you asked from him and he hands the glasses to you with a distasteful frown. There were tables of food and drink all over the large room, but there is the possibility that someone laced the edible items with poisons, drugs, and alcohol. The Makara's make their money at this little bar where they sell Edible and non toxic things.      
> 
>  You absent mindedly play with your neon yellow lip ring, your fingers twisting the little stud around and around as your girlfriend squawks for attention. You ignore her and search the crowd for a certain someone who is supposed to DJ tonight.
> 
>   “Kaaaarkaaaat,” Jade whines, and your turn your head to finally look at her. She has her head against the glass counter top, mumbling obscene words under her breath. Her wild hair covers most of her face and the surface of the counter, while the rest is stuck up into a high, tight pony tail. You reach a sympathetic hand out to grab hers, prying it away from her glass of water.
> 
>   “Yeah?” You ask, and she looks pointedly to the seat next to her. You get the hint and sit down, smiling lightly. God, you love her, and sometimes, you hate her. If only there was a word for dating someone and hating them or loving them. Probably not, and you think it would be separated into different categories…and if that were the case, you would be flipping the emotions and that sounds too confusing and stupid. You almost want to write about it, but you quickly decide to leave that up to someone else.
> 
> **Karkat: Stop letting your fucking thoughts stray from your thinkpan!== >**
> 
>  
> 
>  You shake away the silly thoughts, and decide to go back to the reason why you have a love/hate relationship with Jade. You hate her because she is so infuriating and annoying, so fucking childish, and she is always right. It’s like she can predict the future or something, and she always corrects you or yells at you for being “Insufferable”. That would be the title of your older brother; _not you_. Yet you love her because she is so sweet, knows how to make something bad into something light hearted. She is beautiful, and caring, and somehow, her  fiery temper is very attractive, too. You hate her, you love her. You stroke her cheek lovingly and she makes a distressed noise.
> 
>   “Head aaaache-“She begins to whine, and you cringe. God dammit, where is Strider when you need him?
> 
> **Karkat: Be Strider again== >**
> 
>  
> 
>   You walk through the doors that Gamzee had kept safe, your eyes wide with wonder. This place is so amazing! You have never been to a Rave before, but you believe this would be the coolest one had you ever went to another. The ceiling is low and covered with streamers, glowing balloons, and white Christmas lights. The walls are painted black and are splattered gruesomely with every color of the rainbow, and pictures of clowns and carnival tents are strung up like a fucking picture of Queen Elizabeth or something. The floor below you is concrete and has discarded confetti, silly string, beer tabs, and streamers, and all around the room are colorful, mismatched couches and chairs-along with several buffet tables. And, of course, there are flashing lights, loud music, and a fuck load of dancing people. You grin and give John a glance.
> 
>   “We should dance,” You suggest, and he smiles at you. He nods and grabs your hand as the song Shadows by Breathe Carolina, then you both swerve through the sweaty, glowing bodies. A girl bumps into you and gives you a perverse smile, and the same to John.
> 
>   “Hey boys~” She calls over the music, and lifts the hem of her red shirt to flash her plump tits. Your jaw drops and John laughs.
> 
>   “Damara! That is so messed up!” He laughs and you stare at the girl’s creamy face for a minute. Then you realize she is Aradia Medigo’s older cousin.
> 
>   “You know I’d only do this at a rave party,” She giggles, yet for some reason you want to doubt that. There is the sound of a whistle blowing and, once more, your jaw drops even further. Vantas-Karkat’s uncle-rushes up before you and John to blow a silver whistle at Damara once more. He glares and pulls her shirt back down.
> 
>   “Damara! That is quite explicit to show your pare chest in front of young, highly impressionable young boys! I demand an explanation.” Kankri snarls, grabbing her hand. Damara rolls her eyes and stares blankly at her friend.
> 
>   “I was told to do so by The Grand Highblood,” She jokes, and you give John a confused glance. He just shakes his head at you and you frown. Damara turns to John and hands him a necklace made of plastic balls-otherwise known as flash beads. You smile in realization, and accept the necklace Damara the gives to you. You slip them around your neck and nod in thanks. Yay, a new accessory.
> 
> **Dave: Watch Damara flash Kankri== >**
> 
>  
> 
>   You and John slip away from Kankri as he begins to stutter trigger warnings. A new song comes on, and you and John stand in the middle of the ‘dance floor’, grinning. You can’t wait to dance with him…maybe you can somehow sneak in a kiss? No, doubt it; the little sneaky bastard will somehow do a fucking pirouette away from you or something when you try. Gotta go about this subtly, so he doesn’t realize what you are doing.
> 
> **Dave: Get interrupted before you can dance with Egbert== >**
> 
>  
> 
>   You feel a hand fall on your bare shoulder and you squeal in surprise. Your turn around, ready to cuss a bitch out, only to frown in distaste. Karkat stands before you, dressed all in black leather, holding the hand of a seemingly drunk Jade Harley. To further add to the confusion, he is holding a fucking key and wearing a polite ass smile. You sneer down at him but his grin only gets bigger.
> 
>   “Strider! Good to see ya, blah blah blah, anyways, let’s cut the pleasantries and shit, okay? I’m not gonna beat around the bush, I’m just gonna-“
> 
>   “Karkat, if this is about the other day; I was just joking. I don’t want your pierced mouth anywhere near my dong,” You interrupt, and Karkat just gives you a look of confusion, then annoyance.
> 
>   “Strider, never have I ever-nor ever will-want to fuck you. And that includes orally,” Karkat snarls, grimacing. You grin and shrug.
> 
>   “Your loss, Kit Kat. Anyways, what do you want? I’m _trying_ to dance with bae over here. Make it quick,” You snap your fingers and Karkat rolls his eyes.
> 
>   “Uhg, you are such a moron. Anyways, you are DJing tonight. No ifs ands or buts, Got it? Let’s go. John, watch your drunken cousin.” Karkat proceeds to push Jade in John’s direction before grabbing your wrist and dragging you away somewhere. You sigh. Can you not catch a break tonight?
> 
> **Hours in the future, but not many….**
> 
>  
> 
>   The DJ booth was hot, stuffy, and relatively boring. It is currently two in the morning, and you have done nothing but play songs off of your iPod, mix up a few jams, and shout and tell jokes through the Microphone. You miss the comfort of John, you have to take a piss, and you are dying for at least a glass of water. You asked Karkat to find someone else while you took a break and enjoyed your night, but unfortunately for you, Karkat wouldn’t take no for an answer, and has positioned Gamzee outside of the fuckin’ door. He knows how terrified of that fucker you are, but no, he doesn’t give two shits. About five minutes after two-thirty, the door to the booth is pushed open just as you play a sick rap you and Nitram came up with; the crowd fucking loves it.
> 
>   “Yo, Strider. You can come out now and take a break,” A voice calls, and you pull your ear buds from your ears and looks to the door. You raise a brow to see Sollux Captor leaning against the door frame, his puny arms crossed across his bony chest. Behind him, is Aradia Medigo, a girl from your biology class. You don’t know much about her, except that she once released all the frogs you guys were going to dissect.
> 
>   “Thank god,” You moan. You leap from the wooden stool and rush between the two teenagers. First, find a bathroom and relieve yourself.
> 
> **Dave: run from the bathroom== >**
> 
>  
> 
>   You scurry out of the men’s room, your nose scrunched in disgust. Some blond prick was in there fucking a drunken girl…on a urinal. You shudder, trying to get her moans out of your head. Unfortunately, the cries of “Eridan, Eridan, fUCK, ERIDAN YES!” Are _never_ to be erased from your memory. You shudder for the umpteenth time and make your way to a buffet table. A punch bowl of suspicious, thick green liquid foams and bubbles at the top, spilling over onto the shredded black table cloth. The music pounds into your ears and you find yourself irritated by the noise…despite the fact that the “noise” is something you came up with. You dip the silver ladle into the slopping liquid, hoping that the drink is more appetizing than it looks. You pour the drink into a red solo cup, swinging your hips to the music. The area you stand in is free from strobe lights and disco balls, and is lit up by a single spot light; it hurts your eyes, and you are reminded of why you usually wear shades. You blink purple spots from your vision as you take a whiff of your drink. It smells kind of bitter and the cup is already slick with condensation. You take a cautions sip, only to have your upper lip attacked by cold slush. You are relieved to find that this drink is thick because it is like a milkshake, but disappointed when the drink doesn’t taste all too great.
> 
> Bitter, just as it smells, and has a certain kick to it that you don't appreciate. Yet you did get a full glass of the stuff, and it's free and better than nothing-so you decide to finish it off. It leaves a strange putrid smell in your nostrils and a horrible after taste, and when you down the rest of it, you have a brain freeze and a coughing fit at the same time. Tears prick the corner of your eyes as you hack up a lung, and you sniffle really hard. Fuck, this shit is horrible! And yet you can’t hold yourself back and you drain another two servings.
> 
> By the time you have finished, you believe that you had been drugged the fuck up. You are tripping out, seeing fucking things you shouldn’t see. Such as rainbow, unicorns, and everyone had fucking antlers or something on their head. The world wobbles and spins and you hear honking noises, but you couldn’t be fucking bothered by the strange trip. You laugh at the punch table before wiggling through the throng of dancers. You make your way to the bar where you spot Karkat and Jade.
> 
>   “Haha, Yo~ Do you know where John is?” You ask, tapping the tiny heart on your cheek, “His shirt is the same color as this heart~” You squirm onto a stool beside Jade, and fail miserably before falling to the floor. You laugh.
> 
>   “Oh my god, what in the ever loving fuck is wrong with you?” Karkat barks, his raspy voice causing you to laugh again. Why is he so funny today? You use Jade’s skirt to pull yourself off the floor-much to her dismay-and lean into Karkat’s face. He sneers at you and you stick your tongue out.
> 
>   “I asked you a question Karkitty,” You whine. Karkat just stares at you like you’ve gone mad before trying to push on your shoulder. You don’t budge and giggle at his weak attempt. Your tongue pokes out farther from your mouth and you’re quickly lean forward to drag the tip across his lip ring. He squeals and flails.
> 
>   “YOU STUPID FUCKWHORE! DON’T TOUCH ME AGAIN YOU DAMNED FAGGOT JEGUS CHRIST!”He shouts. The word faggot hits home, and you feel your lip quiver. Karkat thinks you’re just being a dick again and ignores your hurt expression. He rubs his mouth and points to your right.
> 
>  “Egbert is over there somewhere,” He grumbles. You give him an apologetic smile and nod in thanks before stumbling off in that direction. Bonfire by Knife Party blares through the hidden speakers and you swerve your hips to the beat. You love this song, your favorite dubstep song, actually. People part the waters as you make your way to where a certain pepsi-cola hat clad head sways to the song with Rose Lalonde and Kanaya Maryam. Thankful you have a clear path to dance your way to the love of your life, you forget your worries and swagger behind the girls.
> 
>   When you reach them, you slip in between the lesbians to wrap an arm around each of their waists. Kanaya, being the classy lady she is, wears a long black dress with a plunging neck line that falls at her naval. Thin green slips of lace hold the slit together, keeping her breasts from popping out everywhere. You turn from her and look Rose over. She wears a short black skirt and a purple tank top with no back. Still, she is equally as pretty as her beautiful girlfriend. You look away from the surprised girls to give John a cheeky grin. He has his brow raised, biting his lip.
> 
>   “Yo’, Egnerd! Would you rather hang out with two classy babes instead of boring ole me?” You ask, swaying on the spot. John steps up to you and puts a hand on your shoulder to steady you.
> 
>   “What? No, you were being a hella awesome DJ, remember? You have great music by the way!” John replies. You smirk and let go of your friends’ hips and grab John’s instead.
> 
>   “Then lets go dance,” You breathe, exhilarated from the toxic mix you chugged earlier. John looks like a fucking angel right now, and your perverse mind keeps undressing him with your half lidded eyes. You lick your lips and decide you don’t need his approval, and take his hand. You drag him to the center of the ‘dance floor’ and start swaying your hips to the music. A few people step back and make cat calls, some whistle. John just looks at you in awe as you violently twirl your hips. Still swiveling those babies, you take steps to the beat over to him.
> 
>   “Dance, dummy!” You call, and hip-check him when the bass drops. You grind beside him, hoping he will get the hint and join you. He blushes furiously and turns away.
> 
>   “C’mon and be the little slut you wish you were!” You persuade, and he looks at you with a raised brow.
> 
>   “Excuse me?”
> 
>   “You heard me! Dance~”
> 
>   “I don’t know how-“
> 
>   “Nonsense, you Have Sensei-Strider here to teach you all the dirty little secrets.”
> 
>  John gives you a skeptical expression, and you move to stand in front of him once more. You twirl your hips slowly, forcing him to look. You motion for him to keep his eyes on your hips, asking him to follow along. At first he is absolutely terrible at it, his movements to jerky, so you give him a piece of advice. “Pretend there are snakes in your pants. You have to move your hips to keep them from biting.” With that said, you switch from hip circles to popping your hip from the left and then the right. John does excellent with that, and you are very pleased.
> 
>   “Now lean forward, and ball up your fists,” You stop dancing to show him that, and he does as you ask. You tell him to stick his ass out a bit more, and he does. You then proceed to put your arms straight down, fists balled, hips popping, and shoulders rolling. You lean to left, then the right; you pop your hips from the right, to the left. When he has that down, you slowly transfer hip pops to swivels, and he follows along unconsciously. As you twist your groin and ass around and around, you slowly raise your arms. John stops and stares at you, and now you just let him watch. More people call at you, enjoying the show. You run your hand down your chest and as the bass drops again, you jokingly slap your ass. Many people cheer and laugh when you do so, and with your self esteem returning despite what Karkat said earlier-what did he say again?-and you dance back over to John.
> 
>   “Hey,” You breathe, and place your hands on his hips. You force him to swivel them, and you make the same motion as a new song comes on. Funnily enough, turn me on by David Guetta and Nicki Minaj leads you into a more risky move. You pull John until his pelvic bone bumps yours, and he blushes.
> 
>   “Dave-“
> 
>   “The answer is yes,” You murmur, suddenly recalling the question he asked you earlier.
> 
>   “Yes what? Dave I’m confused-“You interrupt him by slamming you lips to his. He gasps and you press into his mouth harder, furiously twisting your lips until he kisses back. Maybe it’s the drugged shit you drank earlier, but fireworks explode behind your closed eyes. Your heart beats irregularly, your pulse thundering in your ears. He has your lower lip sandwiched between his lips, and he nibbles the soft flesh before pulling away. He stares at you with wide unbelieving eyes and you grin.
> 
>   “Wh-what?” He breathes, looking as dazed as you feel.
> 
>   “You asked me if I liked you more in a more-than-a-friend-way…and I do,” You murmur, and his eyes get huge behind his glasses, and he blushes. For the longest time, he doesn’t say anything, and the only sound is music blaring above you both. No one looks at either of you, and neither of you dance like the other couples. You just keep your hands on his waist and he rests his balled up fists on your chest. You lose hope and let him go, but before you can step away, he pulls you closer to hug you.
> 
>   “Dave, I’m not-“
> 
>   “I know you aren’t a homosexual,” You grumble sadly, resting your pointy chin on top of his hat. The fabric scratches your flesh. John laughs and pulls away, grinning eagerly at you.
> 
>   “That’s now what I was going to say. I was going to say ‘I’m not exactly boyfriend material, but we can try to make this work if you want,” He replies, giving you a goofy buck tooth grin. You stare at him bewildered, and he goes on talking while you sit in silence. “Will you be my gay boyfriend, Dave?” He asks, and you stare with an even more surprised expression. What other kind of boyfriend could you be to him if not gay? Rather than ponder on that, though, you decide to accept his offer. Before you can, though, your stomach lurches, and you double over. You quickly turn your body as you begin to vomit green slime onto the floor. People squeal and leap out of the way, everyone laughing and screaming as they attempt to avoid the nasty gunk.
> 
>   You are aware of a hand gently papping you as you continue to up chuck the nasty fluids. The taste is even worse coming up then going down, and you believe you have vomit up your nose as well. Tears prick your eyes from the grossness, humiliation, and the fact that it stings your sensitive nostrils.
> 
>   “Oh, Dave. I told you not to eat or drink at a rave party,” John sighs, but you do not answer, just continue to relieve your body of this acidic drink.


	6. The aftermath of a hella sweet rave party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is just a little filler sort of chapter. We see how everyone is doing, a little stupid back story on the Makara's, and very unimportant pepsi-cola fluff<3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //First of all, let me just say that I am so fucking sorry about all these crazy updates. I usually do these at school, and I only have so little time to type, edit, and post. All the while, I have to look over my shoulder so the fucking teacher wont see me. So for every mistake, error, oocness, all of it-I AM SO SORRY!!!! I seriously am having a lot of trouble, here, but I am happy with what I am doing. I love writing, and I love our trashy fandom >;] so, deal with this short, awkward, and dumb chapter, please. Hopefully this will get better...?

**Dave: Enjoy the rest of your night== >**

  You throw up the rest of your organs in a nearby trash can, having plans to sue the Makara's. People were beginning to leave, some lingered to get drinks at the bar and others had to prod their friends awake, some so drunk they had passed out. You find the couple who fucked in the men's room, and the thought makes your stomach flips again.

**Dave: You probably won’t enjoy the rest of your night== >**

 

  You already know that.

**Dave: Be Karkat== >**

  You sigh, rubbing your girlfriend's back. She too is getting sick in a trash can, the same one Strider is using. Jade can't really hold her alcohol well, and frankly, you’re surprised she even last this long. She will probably have a hangover-as she usually does-and you dread it.

  "Come on, let’s get you home," you grumble, and she hurls in answer. You sigh and continue to pat her back.

**Karkat: Be Rose== >**

  You smooth down your skirt as Kanaya chats politely with Feferi. Feferi is drunk as hell, and smells of sex and urine. You try not to cringe when she nears you, but the mere thought of Eridan and Feferi screwing around makes your face contort. A lot.

  "Will you have a ride?" Kanaya asks, and you startle before realizing she is still talking to Feferi. You wait for Feferi to think about what she was asked, and you become a bit impatient. You hate it when people get drunk-you’ve dealt with your mom long enough, so coming to this place really bums you out. All kinds of stupid, drunk bodies getting in your personal space. Bluh.

  "I think Eridan will take me home," She giggles, a bright pink blush covering her freckled cheeks. You roll your eyes and slip your hand into Kanaya's. She gives it a gentle squeeze and continues to talk to Feferi, even when that tramp Eridan walks over to pop into the conversation. This has been, and will continue to be, a long night.

**Rose: Be Nepeta== >**

  You can't be Nepeta, because she is asleep.

**Be Equius instead== >**

    Your name is EQUIUS ZAHHAK and you are e%ceptionally STRONG. As of this moment, you are heating yourself a glass of milk in your microwave, attempting to be quite so you don't wake your best friend who slumbers in the next room. You both had just gotten home, and not even five minutes after you walked through the front door, the little kitten fell asleep on the couch. Being the amazing friend you are, you carried her to her bed, tucked her under the covers, and may or may not have planted a kiss on her forehead. It never occurred to you that you had left Egbert and his friend at the party, not that you would have cared anyways. They can find another person to give them a ride, perhaps Vantas? You do not dwell on this, because as stated previously, you dont care.

  The microwave pings and you pull the glass of steaming dairy out. The cup is hot, and out of surprise, you drop the glass.

   It shatters when it touches the tiled floor, and glass splinters out in every which direction, and milk soaks your clothes, the counter walls, and the floor. You sigh and look for a broom. This is the fourth time this week you have broke a glass full of milk. Nepeta will have your head for this.

**Equius: clean up the mess then be somebody else== >**

 

  You are now someone else. Whom, I cannot say. He would like to keep his identity a secret.

  "Hey, Andrew, have you seen my Club?" Gamzee asks you. God Dammit! Why do people not respect your wishes? You didn’t want anyone to know who you were...even though you are the only one in the room aside from the youngest Makara.

  You shrug. "I dont know. Is it down stairs?" You ask, crossing your legs. You wave to the people who walk out the main entrance. You wink at a certain man named Rufio; He has been one of your favorite people here of late. He winks back and steps out of the building.

  "Dont you think...I’ve already...MOTHER FUCKING CHECKED...downstairs?" Gamzee hisses and you roll your eyes.

  "Gamzee, dont go all batshit crazy on me. It’s been a long night," You grumble, rubbing your forehead. Gamzee scowls at you, and gazes around the room.

  "Sorry, MotherFucker." You nod at his apology. Gamzee isn’t all too bad, really. He has his moments where you just wonder if he is a murderer or something, but you like to blame that on drugs. With all that money he makes, he buys weed and crazy fucking drugs with it. You would like to think his Dad would be disappointed, but he isn’t. He isn’t called The Grand Highblood for no reason.

  He is always buying, selling, and growing the best weed around, and he always has the best drugs that give you the best trips. He is always shooting stuff into his veins, and so far, he isn’t ugly (maybe a bit intimidating), he isn’t unhealthy, and everyone he deals to has never had a bad trip. You would actually think that he is proud of his son for being bat shit crazy and fucking high all the time.

**Andrew: Stop thinking of the Makara's and actually help the one in front of you! == >**

 

  You spend at least an hour helping Gamzee looking for one of his clubs. Turns out, it was under his chair downstairs. He really is quite the idiot, huh?

**Andrew: Be Dave Strider== >**

  You are Dave once more, and you are currently being driven home by a sympathetic Karkat. Well, not home, but John's house. Jade sits in the front seat, passed out. Karkat sits in the driver seat, hunched over the wheel and glaring at the road that slowly gets brighter as the sun rises. John sits beside you in the middle seat, holding your hand, and you lean against the door, eyelids sagging and head nodding. You and he aren’t really dating, considering you chucked up before you could accept his offer, but he still holds your hand. You wonder if you should ask if you guys are dating, but decide that you should do that later. You are way too tired and you are too flustered to do such a thing. Maybe you will ask when you have your shades on, so you can avoid eye contact and look cool and less vulnerable. Where are your shades, anyhow? Nope, you dont care. You will find them later after you sleep or shower or something.

**Dave: Arrive at John's house== >**

 

  When you both arrive, you ate sick to your stomach, have a head ache, and tired as fuck. You grumble something about needing to take a shower, and he lets you go without another word. When you stumble into the bathroom, you shut the door and trip over the bags you left on the floor. Muttering a few swears, you rub your now sore foot and decide to pick through the offending object. You find clothes and your shades, and you happily plop them onto the sink and pull out Shampoo and Conditioner.

  The water is boiling, and pounds violently onto your bare back. The water beats out the knots in your shoulders and scalds your sweaty flesh. You lean your head against the wall in front of you, sighing as the steaming liquid relaxes your tense muscles.

  You slowly reach your arms up to the little white rack that holds your shampoo, just enjoying the stretch. You pull down the shampoo, pop the cap, and instinctively smell it. You always get this brand and scent, but you just can’t help to give it a longing sniff. Apples and Honey your favorite. You pour a decent amount onto the palm of your hand, put the shampoo back up, and face the stream of water. Your flesh tenses and flinches as the heat whaps against the sensitive areas of your chest and between your legs, you squirm away from the heat and reach out to turn the knob to a cooler setting. That shit hurts.

  When the water is at a more comfortable setting, you begin to rub the shampoo into your slightly greasy hair. Uhg, you hate sweating. You work the kinks out of your naturally white waves; the ends begin to curl out a bit. You get soap in your eyes but dont worry about it, just squeeze your eyes tighter and the rinse your hair. Now you wash the stinging product from your poor, already red eyes.

  You follow the same process with the conditioner-this time not getting that great smelling bull shit where it doesn’t belong-before groping around for shaving cream. Yes you shave your legs, as you are pretty sure we went over in this story. No, you still dont give a fuck about what anyone thinks. When your legs are smooth, your hair is silky, and your face relieved from the days ick, you twist the shower knob off and then leap out of the shower like the majestic fuck you are.

  Dry yourself off, put on boxers and a t-shirt comb your hair; pack up your things, put on your shades. You are finished, and now you walk out of the bathroom(not before drawing a smiley face on the foggy mirror, of course), leaving the steam to spill out into the hallway like some sort of supernatural alien shit. You walk down the hall, rubbing your eyes. Then, making your way down stairs, you follow the scent of something sweet. The appealing scent leads you to the kitchen where Egbert stands at the oven. He puts all of his weight on one leg, making his hip pop to the left. He has on a pink and blue apron, and has a blue spatula in one hand, while the other rests on his waist. Looking cute as fuck, you forget you are standing there and staring at him like the fucking creep you are.

  "Want a pancake?" John asks, and you flinch. Then, your mouth practically salivates. Bro never makes breakfast for you at home, so you usually eat a pop tart and hope you catch the city bus for school.

  You walk over to John and stand behind him to peer into the pan. Two pancakes sizzle inside, the batter burbling and popping. He pushes the spatula against the edges of each flat pastry before flipping them. The top is golden brown and you see little red spots mixed in. You are excited when you realize those are strawberry bits.

 "These are made from scratch. Nana left behind a whole bunch of recipes before she died," John explains when he sees you move to the flour covered counter. You pick a strawberry out of a little green basket and pop it in your mouth. Surprisingly sweet considering they aren’t in season yet.

  "Dude, these are so ripe. Where the fuck did you get them?" You wonder, stealing another smaller one. John chuckles and pulls the pan off of the stove.

  "Jade's badass, hi-tech greenhouse thing. Her and Jake are always bringing me fresh fruit and stuff," John laughs, and you watch with amazement as he throws the pancakes in the air, and catches them both on a small white plate.

  "Syrup? Chocolate? Powdered sugar? How about fruit?" He asks, and you just nod. All the choices sound pretty damn good, and he gives you this cute goofy smile.

  John orders you to set the table, and you grab all you need from the fridge. Such as apple Juice, milk, yogurt, and a container of something John asked you to pull out. You pour glasses of juice for your best friend and yourself, and jokingly light the candles on the table, exclaiming you both are at a fancy restaurant. John goes along with your dorky shit and acts like a waiter as he places your pancakes and his at the table.

  "Whipped cream, my lady?" He asks in a posh sort of voice, and smile when he opens the unlabeled container. From the looks of it, it is homemade too, so you accept graciously. Egbert takes yogurt for his unsyruped cakes. Finally, you both sit down.

  You eat three fourths of your dangerously sweet breakfast, unable to eat any more than that. Your head ache is gone, and instead of stomach pains, you are awfully aware of butterflies zooming from one end of your stomach to the other. You can’t think straight and your cranium is seemingly empty. Why? Because Egbert took your hand on his own accord and you are a flustered, socially awkward little fuck and you can’t even like those bimbo white girls.

  "Not so cool now, huh?" John asks, somehow picking up on your little school girl awkwardness. You blush and turn your head. Even though you have your shades on, you feel like he can still find your eyes.

  "Fuck off, Egbert," You grumble, unable to tell if you are irritated at yourself for being flustered or at him for picking up on it. He laughs quietly, and asks for you to look at him. You do and regret it instantly.

  "You have whipped cream on your lip," he murmurs, dangerously close. You aren’t drunk or whatever anymore, so you just feel shy and afraid when he leans closer to you. Your heart speeds up when his lips brush yours. Instead of kissing you, though, he licks the sweet cream off of your lip.

  "Kyahh!" You shout, and flip out of your chair. John laughs his ass off, finding your embarrassment hilarious. You pout and rub at your mouth, so embarrassed you can’t look at him. God, you are fucking lame. 

  "Are you okay?"John asks, whipping tears from his cheeks. He stands up and lends you a hand. You hesitate but finally take it. He helps you up and you help him do dishes. At Seven o'clock, you flop on the couch and he in his bed, and fall quickly asleep. Today wasn’t too bad, you suppose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //And that's all, folks! Ah, I had something to say and can't remember>->Fucking hell, okay. Well, lemme just say this. I have not read the most recent updates-no computer at home, website is blocked at school-So yeah. I know some spoilers and I get the main Idea, but for a lot of things that may have happened, sorry if I don't incorporate them into this fanfic. I'm gonna read up on the updates tonight(if my dad's laptop isn't fucking junk) and hopefully I can fix these shitty errors. Also, thanks for all the kudos, they make me feel warm inside^*^ I am so happy people like my junk<3...uhg, still cant remember the thing>-> It came back to me then I lost it. GFDI. One more thing though, to clear up confusion. Dirk and Bro are the same person in this fic. I'm going to weave that into the story somehow. And for those who are impatient about when the hotline actually comes in, dont worry, I will get to it. One more thing(almost done guys I swear) John and Dave are not yet dating>;]  
> Well, I love you all, my perfect purple bumblebees!!! Stay perfect, drop a kudos, tell your friends, eat mindhoney, slurp some sopor, just stay homestucked!!!(is that a word?->-)


	7. Dave: Spend day with John

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yep this is happening. another party. yay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //sorry this sucks shit. Idek what i was thinking when writing this

**Dave: become the couch== >**

  You are awoken to something sitting on your back, and you whine.

"The fuck...?" You grumble, intense headache jumbling your thoughts. Your voice is thick with unuse, and your eyes are gunked with sleep. You clear your throat and rub your eyes violently.

"Good afternoon, Dave," A chipper voice assaults your eardrums and you whine in protest once more.

"Are-are you sitting on me, Egdork?" You moan, lifting your head to the best of your abilities. Your shades stick to your face and you pry them away with stiff fingers. Uhg, you feel like you are made of lead.

"Yep." You slam your face onto the little white throw pillow, and mutter incoherent swears into the pillow. John rocks back and forth and you groan a snippy "fuck yourself" to him.

"Why is my couch talking to me?" John asks, choosing to ignore you. You sigh and flip onto your side so you face the room, and John squeaks as he falls in between you and the back of the couch. His legs dangle over your waist and he kicks them up and down, and then taps his yellow shoes together.

"Why are you still sitting on me?" you mutter, scratching dried drool off of your cheek. Gross.

"Because couch. That's why," John says, as if that explanation held all the truth in the world. You tell him this, and may or may not have called him a few names; such as turd, stupidhead, and fucker. You tried to keep it pg, ya know?

"Oh, everything I say holds all the truth, Dave. All the truth and all the knowledge."

"Are you god or something?"

"Yes, Dave, get on your knees before your god!" John commands, sounding as authoritative as his I-Reached-Puberty-Late voice would let him. You blush and click your tongue.

"God just asked me to suck him off, shame on him, and shame on me!"

"Wha-Oh crap, that's not what I meant! I meant that you should bow and praise me!"

"And you don’t call a good dick licking a good way to praise someone?"

"Omg what is with you and penises?" John cackles, and kicks you to the floor. You roll onto your back, cracking up.

"Did you just say omg?" you ask, breathless.

"Stop avoiding the question! Do you like manly meat?" John giggles, slapping you with a decorative pillow. You raise up and give him the most serious look you could through your shades.

"It’s not just the penis I like, John. It's you," It took a moment before John understood, and he blushes with a goofy smile on his cheeks. He throws the pillow at you again and does that inane girly giggle.

"You are such a softy!" John snickers, blowing his bangs out of his face. You smile and wiggle your eyebrows.

"I bet you can change that if you know what I mean," You suggest and he groans.

"Dammit Dave you pervert!" John whines, and hops off the sofa. He pushes you back onto the floor and zips down the hall. You pull yourself off the ground and run after him, cussing and saying different things in a different language as you follow him.

"Dave what are you saying?" He shouts with a laugh, stomping up stairs. You follow and let out another stream of words, something along the lines of pancake dogs and chairs. You aren’t sure why you a chasing him or screaming funny words in another language, you just felt like it was the thing to do.

You follow him to his room-where he tries to shut the door on you-Chase him around his cute treasure chest thing, and then pounce on him when he nears the bed. You pin him down and furiously tickle his sides. He screeches, howls, and laughs, wiggling beneath you.

"Do you give?" You shout over his laugh, and he squirms defiantly.

"N-never! Haha!" He squeals, and you don’t relent on the tickling until tears are streaming down his cheeks and his smile is so wide you don’t know how it doesn’t break his face. You then just rest you hands on either side of his head, chuckling quietly until his donkey like laugh slows. He grins up at you and sniffling. You drag your thumbs across his flushed cheeks to wipe away the tears.   
  "Do you give?" You ask, but even if he didn’t give, you wouldn't tickle him again. He nods quietly, his grin still big enough to crack his cheeks. You have the urge to wipe the grin off his lips, so you do.

You lean down and press your lips to his, and he meets you half way. You pull back slowly, and he tries to follow, but just slumps back against the messy bed.

"This means we are dating for sure, right?"He asks, and you are thrilled to hear hope in his voice. You nod excitedly in answer, and John sighs in relief. You really do just love this kid. Or at least a really strong liking for him. After all these years, you ate finally happy, and nothing will change that. You bend to kiss him again, only to be interrupted by a phone ringing downstairs.

"That’s my phone," you grumble, and then bolt up when you realize what ringtone is playing. You scuttle off of the bed and flop onto the floor. Then you scramble to run out of the room and downstairs. You hear the phone somewhere in the kitchen? Nope. As you pass the bathroom, you realize that's where it is. You shove the door open and fall to your knees. John follows in soon after, and watches as you rummage through your bags to find your iPhone. You find it in the makeup bag of all places, and your thumbs swipe like crazy to answer the call. You can finally breathe when you are successful. You raise the stupid rectangle to your face, clipping your earlobe on the corner.

"Hello?" You stutter, breathing heavily. You do not pant because you ran around the house in search of the mobile device, but rather because you almost missed a call from Dirk. Now that is worthy of an asthma attack, considering he would strangle the life out of you if you ignore him.

"Calm down lil' man. I'm not angry," Bro answers, but you do not calm down. He is a bipolar son of a bitch and will attack you when your guard is down.

"Is-Are you-What's up?" You scramble for something to say, and there is a slight waver in your voice. Dirk chuckles into the receiver, and you fumble nervously with the fabric of your boxers. You really hope you aren’t in trouble. Did he find out you went to a rave? Would he be angry over that? Probably, especially if he learned you drank some suspicious shit. You shudder at the memory.

"It's cool, bro. I have a present for you when you get home" You stare suspiciously at the shower curtain, ignoring John when he sits down behind you. Although you can’t help but acknowledge when he places his forehead on your back. Okay, that is pretty comforting, you guess.

"O-oh?"

"Yeah. The Lalonde's two cats had some kittens and were giving some away. Found the flier in the lobby. Thought you might have wanted one," You perk up at those words, and you grin.

"Really?" You chirp, and you hear a quiet laugh.

"Of course I did." You sway slightly from side to side, happy that Dirk had gotten you a tiny companion.

"What does he look like?"

  "She," He corrects, “Is an albino kitten. The runt, too. She reminded me of you, ya know? All weird looking and defenseless," You frown at that and mutter a simple oh, before telling him bye.

"One more thing," Bro calls, and you stop your thumb from clicking the end button.

"Yeah?"

"Don’t drink shit at rave parties. That’s how you get killed, idiot." The phone beeps as the call ends. You chest feeling cold, and your heart a little wounded, you pull the phone from your ear and drop it onto your lap.

"Are you okay?" John asks, and you jump. You had forgotten he was there, even though he now has his arms wrapped around your waist. You nod.

"Yeah, I have a new cat," You mutter.

"Well, you sounded rather happy and then just seemed sorta...put off by something. Are you sure you are okay?" You look down at the ground, feeling your eyes fill with tears. What bro said shouldn’t have hurt you so much. It really shouldn’t have, this is so stupid! But for some reason, everything he says matters. His approval is important to you. When he calls you ugly and defenseless-even if he didn’t say it directly-It really hurts. You hate having feelings and insecurity, because now you are going to dwell on this all day, and mope and not be happy.

"Dave?" John asks. You sniffle and pull away from him. You climb to your feet and furiously rub your eyes.

"Dave? Hey, are you alright?" You keep your back turned, unwilling to let him see you break. You will never be good enough for your brother. Never. You are just the ugly gay brat that he got stuck with when your parents died (or whatever happened to them. You never knew the people who made you).

"Dave, quit ignoring me," John whines, and you pull your arms tightly to your chest, hoping that will help hold yourself together. You will not break, you will not bawl, you will not let him know. Not now, at least. You don’t want him to think you are defenseless, too. Because that's what Dirk said; you are defenseless and weird and ugly...right? Okay, now you are twisting his words around. He didn’t say that about you, it was said about a cat! But...He said the cat reminded him of you, so does that mean...?

You are frustrated. And now, you are thinking beyond what he said, and is instead bashing yourself for all the stupid shit you’ve done, all the stupid shit Bro has said, and for being a weak little fuck who cries at the drop of a hat. You are such a fucking baby-

John stands in front of you, and wraps his short arms around you. It's like the world melts away, and your mind is left blank. He makes you feel better-Well, makes you feel nothing at all, actually. How is he doing this, distracting you?

You return the hug, burying your face in his fluffy hair. It is so soft, and it tickles your nose a little. You take a deep shuddering breath, and cry some more.

"Dave, will you tell me now?" John whispers and you sniffle as tears continue to cloud your vision. You do cry a lot, and this most certainly won’t be the last time. Although, you do believe you deserve to cry, considering you live a pretty shitty life and have fucked up self esteem.

"I-I can’t tell you-you," You whimper pathetically. It’s not that you don't want to, though. You just don’t know how. You always imagine telling someone, but when you actually try to, you realize it isn’t that easy. These are not words you can just spit out casually, slipping them nonchalantly into a conversation. Like, 'Oh, yeah, great hotdogs, I'm abused. So where is the mustard?'-No, it doesn’t work like that.

"Can you tell me why you are crying?"

John asks, and you realize he knows you won’t tell him your big secret. He knows that you can’t tell him that, but he still wants to know why you are upset now. What has your gears grinding and your tear ducts flowing. You are touched that he doesn’t press you on the matter about being abused, thankful he just wants to help with the little things before the big things. That totally made sense and no one can have any other say in the matter. Fuck you.

"Am I-well, it’s just that...I don’t know," You sigh, giving up. He doesn’t prod you to answer any more questions. He just grips your shirt and holds you. You do the same.

After a few minutes, you are calmed down. You pull away, mess through your bags, and when you get what you need, you walk out of the bathroom and sluggishly walk to the kitchen. You find a cup and pour yourself some Pepsi (Does this kid not drink Coke or Apple Juice?). You proceed to take three pills-two which help your blood pressure, the other for anxiety. You are supposed to take them in the mornings, but one glance at the coffee machine's built in clock tells you that it is five in the evening, and it doesn’t matter now. You have a headache, one that never went away and was just made worse when you started crying, but you deal with the pain. You hate taking pills, and all John has is ibuprofen; which you can’t have because it will counter act against your Blood pressure pill.

**Dave: Do something to pass time== >**

John had grabbed your phone for you, and you both sit on the couch, snuggled together. He watches you play Crossy Road, not saying a word. Your tears are dried on your cheeks, and your face feels raw. You feel sick and your head still stings, and you have a cold lump in your throat that you can’t swallow.

Your flea gets squished by a semi, and you hold tour phone out to John to play. You are too tired to try, now. Too depressed. If only you took your medication after your shower early this morning. The anxiety medicine is also an anti depressant, and you really wish it would start working.

John plays on and you watch numbly, slowly riddling yourself a hole in depression. You really work yourself into a bad mood, over the most stupid of things.

"Look, I unlocked a character!" He cheers. You smile lightly and watch as he plays the game with the new character unlocked. He falls in the river not even four hops in. You sigh and he glares at the screen.

"I swear the game glitches," He grumbles, and you snort. Shaking your head, you take the phone back from him and exit out of the game, remembering that you had gotten a message earlier and had just ignored it. You open the messenger app and scan over a message from Karkat.

 **CG: HEY ASSHOLE**  
CG: HELLO?  
CG: DAVE ANSWER THIS GOD DAMNED PHONE RIGHT NOW.  
TG: calm down kitkat im right here  
CG: ABOUT FUCKING TIME  
CG: FOR SOME REASON, THAT TAINT CHAFFING FUCK I CALL MY BEST FRIEND WANTED ME TO ASK YOU AND EGBERT IF YOU WANTED TO COME TO ANOTHER PARTY HE'S HOSTING  
CG: THIS TIME, IT IS JUST A NORMAL FUCKING HOUSE PARTY  
CG: I EXPECT WEED IS INVOLVED. I'M NOT COMPLAINING THOUGH, AND I AM SURE JOHN WONT EITHER.

You turn to John who sits at your right, and raise a brow.

"What?" He asks, and you hold the phone out to him. He lifts his glasses and squints at the bright screen. His eyes get a sparkly look to them.

"Hell yes, Makara personally parties are the best! Wanna go?" John inquires, bouncing in his seat.

"Err, will it be anything like last night?" You ask, feeling nauseas again. John gives you a crooked grin.

"No, it will be very mellow. Only reason I say that, though is because everyone gets high as fuck. There is the occasion when people get really horny and have to find a room upstairs," You crinkle your nose, but not wanting to look like a wuss, you nod. John fist pumps and you flip the phone back towards you. Karkat had texted you a few obscene messages while he waited for your ass to reply.

 **TG: okay we are coming when is it**  
CG: RIGHT NOW BULDGE MUNCHER.  
TG: what  
CG: I AM OUTSIDE SO GET FUCKING READY NOW.  
TG: god damn you  
TG: okay hold on fuck

You relay the message back to John and he nods. He says he will just go in what he is wearing, which happens to be skinny jeans, yellow sneakers and a blue hoodie. Unfortunately, you have lived in your boxers and a t-shirt all day, so you rush to the bathroom.

You emerge from the restroom wearing red skinny jeans and a matching hoodie. You slip on a pair of battered chuck Taylors, not wishing to wear your nice new converse to another fucking party.

"Come on, Karkat has already started to honk that damn horn," John says, glaring irritably at the little fuck outside. Dave snorts and follows John out of the house, locking the door before shutting it. Karkat's car is about as black as the little asshole's soul, and if it wasn't for his headlights and his inane honking, you wouldn’t have known his car was parked in the drive way. You and John slide into the back seat, and you instantly wonder where Jade is. Karkat never goes anywhere without her.

"Where is Jade?" You ask, and Karkat and John both snort.

"She and I both get horny when we get high. Let’s just say it is too early to have mini mes running around," You stare at Karkat, dumbfounded. Okay, so they weren’t pulling your leg; there is actually going to be drugs. Okay, great. Fuckfuckfuck.

You begin to hyperventilate, and thankfully for you, Karkat had turned on really loud music, and he and John both are singing to it. No one can see you flipping the fuck out over something stupid. There is nothing wrong with pot, you don't care. What you do care about is either dying somehow because of one of the crazy Makara boys, or because Dirk will somehow find out and actually kill you this time. Yep, you are freaking out, really bad. You can’t decide which is worse; A Makara killing your or Dirk.

Ten minutes and four shitty love songs later, Karkat is pulling into a long ass drive way with backlights lighting the way. And the path they light for you lead to a huge ass two story house. There are already three cars in the drive way, one you recognize as John's ex girlfriend, Vriska Serket. You deflate a little, knowing this is going to be a horrible night.

**Dave: realize things have went from bad to worse== >**

It is now about twelve at midnight, you would say, and you are the only one who did not take a puff of that horrible shit. Vriska, John, Karkat and Kurloz sit in a small huddle, giggling and rolling more fucking blunts. How the fuck can they just keep doing that? Terezi sits on Gamzee's lap, and Sollux Captor is beside them making out with Aradia.

You? You are fucking alone in a bean bag chair, in a dimly lit basement, getting a second hand high because the air is about 95% marijuana and 5% fucking oxygen. You have never felt so alone, freaked out, or hungry in your entire life, and you just know that Dirk will find you and no one will come to look at your corpse before you are six feet in the fucking dirt. Maybe you should start writing your will?

"Dave!" A voice cheers, and you jump. Turning your head and looking up, you find John in all his glazed, blue eyed glory. You gulp, flipping out on the inside, as you have been doing for the past couple of hours.

"Yeah?" You know, you have to admit. As scary as this all has been, it is really fun, the thrill, I mean, and seeing John like this is incredibly sexy. No, not when he is high. You think that this whole secret bad boy thing (is this what you would call it? You aren’t sure.) Is a really good look on him. You weren’t kidding when you said he is different from when he was in eighth grade. He was such a dork, and even though nearly three years has passed since then, he still is. Yet now with all this dangerous fun (i.e. rave parties, underage drinking, and weed) he looks like a norm teenager. A normal, very attractive teenager.

"Are you okay, bro? You sitting over here, all by yourself," He murmurs, chill as ever. His eye lids droop a little and he gives you another dorky, crooked smile. Your heart speeds up and you shrug.

"Uh, I'm fine, uh, bro. Yeah, it's just a little...different, I guess," You answer, scratching the back of your neck. Its cold as shit in the basement, and you currently have your hood up to attempt to get warm. You fail miserably, and you sit shivering in the oversized bean bag. John keeps the smile on his face as he plops down beside you.

You squirm to make room for him, but he just tangles himself up with you, cuddling into your neck.

"Sorry, man. I just get really tired after laughing so much with my friends," John apologizes, and you hug him back, feeling safer somehow. Now that you think about it, you are getting pretty tired, too.

"Hey, motherfuckers," Gamzee calls, and you squint at him, "Goat Dad won't mind if you wanna spend the night. For some reason, mother fuckin' cops will arrest you for being high!" Gamzee shakes his head in shame, and you glance at John. He looks relaxed and half asleep, yet attentive enough to pay attention to the purple freak.

"So if you guys do wanna stay, let’s go ahead and move upstairs," You believe you like Gamzee better when he is actually high. He isn't as scary when he is, and he is much more chill. John slowly crawls off of you, and you both stand up. You cough as the smoke attacks your lungs, and your stomach churns at the smell. You have always hated this sickly sweet scent. You follow John out of the basement, climbing the stairs with your eyes bleary from hacking up a damn lung and maybe your gallbladder (what does that little green booger have anything to do with this? fuck, Gamzee grows some good stuff for your mind to be so mangled just from sniffing the putrid air!)

You are lead you a bedroom to share with John, and you are too excited and too tired to admire the decorations in the house. Surprisingly enough, this place isn’t nearly as creepy as the Makara's are. You wonder if they keep the house normal for when they have guests over. You plop longingly onto the bed, and John follows in suit after shedding most of his clothes. He lies have naked on his stomach, clutching one of the pillows to his bare chest. You use your toes to nudge off your shoes and kick them onto the floor, then curl up into a ball. You don't bother with any other article of clothing and wiggle under the blankets.

You are too tired to care that you are sleeping in the Makara house, and now your excitement is dwindling into nothingness. What were you excited about anyways? The reason snuggles under the covers next to you, and excitement flares once more in your chest. If you weren’t so tired, you would reach over and cuddle your boyfriend. Yes, boyfriend. Wow, you didn’t realize how satisfying it was to say that. But, as previously stated, you are tired as shit and you make no move what-so-ever. You fall asleep rather quickly, and when John notices, he moves closer to you and kisses your cheek. Not that you would ever know.

**Good night Dave== >**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //plz dont hate your lazy writer cx


	8. >insert chapter name here, lmao cx<

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> //A bit of John/Dave fluff. The truth comes out at last<3 This is mostly just a filler chapter, kinda short, too :/

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //Uhhhg, I promised this to you guys a million years ago, but it never happened! I am so horribly sorry!*bows* Anyways, lemme give you the down low on why this has taken so long to post. First, for a whole fuckin' week we had god damned EOCs and such. Then we had senior graduation, and I had to fucking sing every day for a while because I am in choir and we were going to sing the seniors away or whatever. Then I had massive writer's block and I decided to write bit of my other stories(i.e Letters to Karkat and a choose your own Adventure story with Stridercestandapplejuice) And then we had finals, and finally, last day of school. So here I am at 2 in the morning at my dad's house, writing chapters, getting bugged on omegle(Had writer's block again*lel sob*) And listening to homestuck fan songs and parodies to get my self in the mood. God, guys, I feel awful. I am so, so, SO Sorry. Please forgive me*bows*
> 
> ANYWAYS!~ On with the story<3

**Be John== >**

 

  You wake up with a crick in your neck and a heavy leg slung across both of yours. Light blinds you even with your eyes closed, your stomach growls viciously, and you find yourself a wee bit lightheaded (as you usually do after smoking with Gamzee).

  Well, time to get up, you suppose.

 

  You open your eyes, push Dave off of you, and roll off of the bed. After putting your pants, hoodie, shoes and glasses on, you allow yourself a moment to stretch and relax. Dave still slumbers soundly on the bed, but you don’t want to wake your boyfriend up just yet (wow, that is really nice to say…boyfriend). Instead, you crawl up beside him and lie down on your stomach. He looks like he is sleeping well, and you are relieved. You believe he said something about insomnia, once, and you are grateful that he is fast asleep.

 

  You tentatively brush your finger across his forehead to move his white locks from his pale eyelids. You boop his nose before cupping his cheek and running your thumb over his cheek bone. He is so pale, and you easily discover a half hidden bruise. Curiously, you run your thumb over the bruise again, and wipe away concealer. The bruise is much bigger than you thought, but it is a yellow green color, so it is almost healed anyways. You furrow your brow and your hand falls limp beside his. It is curled in a tight ball, and you watch him twitch and his face contort painfully. He must be having a bad dream…?

 

  Your hand comes up on its own accord and trails over the warm flesh of his neck, over his shoulder and across his arm. Something that isn’t flesh hides in his hoodie sleeve, and you push the fabric up the best of your ability without waking Dave up. You get to about his elbow before deciding you should stop. Under his sleeve, the albino kid had been hiding thick gauze. There are tiny spots of blood coating the outer layer in a few places, and your heart beat speeds up a little. What is this? Is Dave okay? Of course he isn’t okay, dumbshit. He has bloody gauze wrapped around his arm, from his wrist to his elbow!

 

  “John, what are you doing?” You squeal in terror and nearly flip off of the bed in your surprise. You give Dave a fleeting glance and decide that you would rather not stare into his mirrored shades. You can’t find his eyes behind those shades, thankfully (you don’t want to see his anger or disappointment). And you aren’t sure how long he has been awake.

 

  “I was, uh, curious about your arm, “You mutter, and scratch your neck nervously. You mentally curse the waver in your voice. You aren’t sure why, but you feel really wrong and guilty for invading Dave’s privacy like this…but how were you supposed to know his arm would be all bandaged up?

 

  “Yeah,” Dave grumbles. He sits up and you bite your lip. Oh, lord. You can’t tell if he is angry or not, and you stare with sad eyes as he pushes his sleeve back down. You inch closer to him, and lay a hand on his knee. He flinches, and you slowly take your hand away and instead, you stuff it into your hoodie pocket.

  “Will you  _please_  tell me what’s going on?” You beg quietly, stretching the vowels to ‘please’. Dave doesn’t look at you, just yawns and stretches his arms, cracks his knuckles, pops his neck. He runs thin fingers through his hair, combing it down and styling it without a mirror.

 

  It is quiet for a moment before Dave answers with a quiet yes. He shakes his shades off onto his lap, and you are shocked to find your blue eyes meet heated red ones. Either he was lying about ever having contact lenses, or he has the kind that last 24 hours. You don’t think it is the latter option, but you don’t dwell on that for now because those eyes are startling you. And it isn’t the color that surprises you, either. It is the tears that well up in the corners of his eyes and hang precariously on his long dark lashes.  The tears fall slowly onto his flushed cheeks and dribbles down to his chin, and plop onto his discarded Shade’s lenses.

 

  “It was a sword accident,” Dave mutters softly and he squeezes his eyes shut. He doesn’t wipe away the tears, “Bro cut me.”

 

  “Uh, s-strifing again?” Dave shakes his head, and your heart drops. Why Is he crying? This really concerns you….

 

  “No, he was angry and just started swinging a sword.”

 

  “Surely he didn’t-didn’t mean to…” You trail off, unsure. Dave shakes his head again, grabs his sunglasses, and hops onto the floor. Placing his shades on his head, he gives you an intense, tear filled stare.

 

  “Do these look like scars from someone who ‘Didn’t mean to’?” Dave inquires viciously, and lifts his hoodie and tee-shirt to his chin with one hand. Scars and disturbing bruises decorate Dave’s flesh like a gruesome Christmas tree. Some scars are crisscrossed, thick and thin, some deep, old, and new.  The bruises vary in sizes and colors, such as one that takes up most of his lower abdomen. Yellow to almost black, some speckled with blues and browns, others rimmed with the same intense color as his eyes.

 

  Dave turns around and uses both hands this time to raise his clothes over his head. More scars litter his skin like a road map, and tiny bruises are landmarks and ponds. Your eyes follow each pale pink line as if looking alone will take you somewhere, or at least give you answers. Now you have at least a foggy idea to what Dave is getting to, but you don’t want to accept that.

 

  “A-are you…” You trial off, unable to finish the sentence. You can’t imagine the word, much less  _say_ it. Dave gives you a wobbling smile.

 

  “Abused?” Your breath catches. He  _said_  it. He  _said_  the word, so  _casually_. “Yeah, I am.”

 

  “How long?” You whimper, and your heart is tearing to pieces. You have a lump in your throat, and it gets harder and harder to swallow as tears flow nonchalantly down Dave’s cheeks.

 

“I can’t remember. Maybe it started verbally when I was ten I think? I was mostly just neglected and shit. Uh, then it got even worse when I came out to him in eighth grade? And I am seventeen now, so…7 years or so I guess,” Despite the tears, Dave is creepily calm as always, so casual about what he is saying. You feel really numb after hearing this.

 

 “I-“You can’t find anything to say. Your heart aches and you feel like you have been hit in the stomach. Tears well up in your eyes, dripping chaotically down your cheek. You hiccup and rub your eyes. You feel Dave crawl back onto the bed beside you and he lays a hand on your shoulder.

 

 “Why are you crying?” Dave murmurs and you shake your head.

 

 “It’s just not fair! You are one of the most caring people in the world-“You blubber, and Dave grabs your chin, forcing you to look at him. You meet his red eyes with your own, weary blue ones. His eyes are as intense as the color suggests, burning into yours.

 

 “You aren’t allowed to cry,” He hisses, and your tear ducts stop without warning. Your eyebrows shoot up in surprise, and you make a noise in the back of your throat.

 

 “What?”

 

  “You are not allowed to cry,” He growls again, and you feel a little bit afraid. “I don’t want to ever see you sad, and especially not over me. I am not worth it.” You want to disagree, but you are too fearful to do so. Something in his voice holds you back. Maybe it is because of how monotone and serious he is, maybe it is his burning irises that are so hot compared to your water-like orbs. Maybe it is the scars and bruises that you suddenly take notice in. Whatever the reason, you are too scared to disagree with him, so you nod pitifully. Dave sighs and drops you chin.

 

 “Sorry,” Dave grumbles, and hops off of the bed once more. This time, he slips on his shoes, laces them up, and by the time he looks back at you, his face is wiped off and his shades hide his eyes. “I didn’t mean to sound…”

 

 “It’s fine. I have no right to cry anyways,” You mutter, and bounce off of the bed. You throw your arms around Dave’s neck, catching him by surprise. He tips to the side a bit, but rights himself and wraps his arms around your waist. He clutches you tightly and nuzzles his face in your hair. You sigh against his neck and close your eyes.

 

 Your best friend/boyfriend (still unbelievable, yeah?) is abused. He gets hit and cussed and cut all to pieces. And what do you every day? Smile and not realize that any of this actually happens God, you hate yourself for never realizing. You should have noticed, for God’s sake! He was always a little on edge when he talked about bro. Sometimes, he would be really out of it, losing his super cool guy attitude. Some days, he wouldn’t show up for school, and on other days, he would have strange bruises and cuts. You and your friends ask about them, and he would tell you he was in an accident at home or had a good ole strife with his brother. Boom, you guys believed him, laughed it off and changed the subject. You never realized how bad it was for him.

 

  “Please don’t tell anyone,” Dave whispers, and your heart aches. You never planned on it. God, you are a horrible person! You didn’t even think about telling someone! You should have at least thought about it. You sigh, nod your head a bit, and agree with him. You suppose you need to wait for the right chance?

 

 As if Dave read your mind, he whispers, “I just have to wait till I am eighteen and can run somewhere. That will be my chance, then, I will get that fucking bastard right where he needs to be,” Dave hisses, and you wince at the harshness in his tone. This is no longer Dave. This is an angry, broken boy who needs your protection and love. Yes, you are a small 16 year old who is nerdy and absolutely powerless, but you are sure you could help Dave out somehow! Just not in the way you would like to, that is. You decide it is time for a subject change.

 

 “Want to go home and watch Con Air?” You ask hopefully, trying to make the situation lighter. Dave takes the bait. He snorts with laughter, his warm chest rumbling against your cheek. You relax against him and smile lightly.

 

  “Watch that stupid movie with the biggest derp on the planet?” Dave asks, and you are almost offended until, “I would love to, numbnuts.” You give another exhale of relief and let out a tiny spill of laughter. Yes, you can just forget this ever happened. Sounds like a good plan, right?

 

  “Hey, dumb asses, get the fuck up, it’s time to go-Oh, shit. Am I interrupting something?” You push away from Dave in surprise and fall backwards onto the bed. Dave is huffing with laughter and you turn your head to the door to give a certain short asshole a glare. Karkat stands in the doorway, unsure, with Gamzee behind him. Gamzee gives you the chilliest wave where as Karkat gives you and Dave a sour look.

 

 “Yes, you _were_ interrupting,” You growl quietly, but no one heard you over Dave’s obnoxious laugh. He was red in the face and a sweet smile curved his lips as he held his tummy and his shoulders shook. For some reason, he is genuinely happy, and finds it exceedingly hilarious that Karkat interrupted your moment. You have no idea why he is laughing so hard, but you are happy if he is, you guess.

 

  For the umpteenth time today, you wiggle off of this bed and stomp across the elegantly small guest room. You push past the two boys and walk down the hall, march your happy butt down stairs, and out of the front door where you find Vriska leaning against her blue car. She gives you a pitiful look as you climb into the back seat of Karkat’s car and sulk.

 

 You wait ten minutes for Dave and Karkat to say their goodbyes and to come out to the car. You are already half asleep with boredom, Vriska left with Aradia, and Sollux drove Terezi home. You are bored out of your wits and wish to watch Con Air with Dave. The two idiots slump into the car with good spirits, and Dave happily takes your hand in his. You allow it, because you feel warm and squishy inside when he holds your hand.

 

**Be Dave: Hours into the future, but not many== >**

 

  You finish Con Air with John, and the movie is still utter shit in your opinion. But, you were happy to hang out with him and cuddle. You listen to him talk about the cast members, you discuss the movie, and you both throw popcorn at each other. After cleaning up, you stare at the blank TV screen, and John cuddles into your chest, his warmth reminding you of Texas. Oh, how you miss Texas. Yes, his body heat is overwhelming, and you make sure to pull him closer to you, much to his complaint.

 

 “Daaave, I was comfortable,” John whines, and you just snicker and grab your phone. You have a million texts and pms from your friends, but you dismiss them all for now since none are too important. Instead, you open up the Angry Birds app and begin to shoot the little fuckers at the green pigs. You hate those little green bastards.

 

  “*gasp* Can I try?” John asks, and you let him when you fail the level. It is like this for the rest of the day. Lazing around on the couch, eating snacks, playing video games, and renting movies on demand. He makes you watch a super cheesy horror movie from the late eighties, and you make him watch a very gruesome one that came out this year. He trembled against your side while you laughed at the gore on screen (“Dude that is so fucking fake!” “It looks real to me!”).

 Yeah, today has been great. You finally told John your secret, and God, you have never been so happy in your life. It felt like a ton of bricks were lifted from your chest, and John still acts the same as he always has…albeit a bit more cautious, though. Even with that being said, it is okay. You actually thought he would dote on you, or call child services as soon as you told him. So, you are okay that he gives you a sympathetic look every now and then. He still talks to you the same way, still hugs you the same way, and still gives you the shyest of kisses; the exact same way. And you wouldn’t want it any differently.

  Speaking of shy kisses, your mouth gently presses against the back of his exposed neck (You both sat up at some point so he could play on your phone), and he lifts his shoulder up to hide the spot you tried to kiss. You see him smile and blush a little, but his eyes are way too focused on the game. The glare from the screen reflects in his glasses, and you swiftly remove them because the glare bothered you. He makes a whine in complaint but he plays on, breaking the little wooden and glass towers with the classic red angry bird.

  You plant kisses on his ear, his temple, his cheek, and when he tries to push you away with his shoulder, you grab his chin and force him to look at you. The phone falls harmlessly onto the floor, forgotten and thankfully not broken. You ignore it.

   John has a twinkle in his eyes and a tiny, shy smile to grace his pink dusted cheeks. He is cutely flustered by the attention and your heart swells just from looking into those deep crystalline pools he calls his eyes. Seriously, they are such a crystal blue, and they look like little, endless oceans. You smile and lean forward to kiss his nose, which he squeals at and does the most kawaii thing. He covers his nose, squeezes his eyes shut, and makes cute giggles. You like it when he does this. Yesterday during your first official kiss (you call it official cause neither of you were poisoned with gunk from a rave party), he was too caught up in the moment as you were. Now, he is giving you the sweetest little kisses on the cheek when he thinks you aren’t looking, and then gives you these super embarrassed expressions when his lips accidently brush the corner of your mouth.

  You pry his hands away and he lets you, his face all scrunched up and dopey, his eyes now open once more and a light with curiosity. You lean forward and press your lips to his, and he eagerly clenches his hands in yours and pushes into the kiss just a little bit. Then he bashfully pulls away and turns to the side, his full buck-tooth grin splitting his cheeks. Ah, you love his cute reactions, and you love the eager ones, too. 

  “You are so kawaii, Egbean,” You chuckle, and he laughs really hard.

  “ _Egbean_?” He cackles, and tears poke the corners of his eyes as he laughs. His laugh sounds like bells, in your opinion. All high and clear and cliché. Such a nice, heartwarming sound, and you think that you have never heard something so nice in your entire life. You smile and kiss the laugh from his lips, in which he pulls away.

  “Daaave!” He whines, still a giggling mess.

  “Yes, Egbean?” And he begins to laugh again. You love his laugh so much.

  “Why ‘Egbean’?” He giggles after five minutes, and finally calms down. You give him a happy smile and shrug before flopping back into a laying position on the couch.

 “I don’t know. I thought it was cute,” You say in mock offence,” Do you not like it or something?”

  “I do like it,” He replies, and crosses his legs comfortably. “Now you need a nickname, if that is what we are doing here.”

  “How about SuperMegaHotFuckBuddy?” He slaps your chest, and gives you a rueful smile.

  “Shut the fuck up,” He trails off, giving you his thinking face before grinning evilly. “Stridear.” You nearly choke.

  “ _What_?” You balk, and John throws his head back before letting out a peal of evil laughter.

  “Stridear! You know, instead of saying ‘Oh, dear? Will you make me some coffee?’ I will instead say ‘Oh, Stridear? I need a spatula~’” He says this in a really high pitched girly voice, and you stare at him with a raised brow, but you go ahead and accept what he says. Why not? You actually think it is cute in that lame, dorky way he has, so why argue? You shrug and give him a tiny smirk.

   “One kiss and I will let you call me Stridear,” You compromise, and he gladly gives you a quick peck on the lips. He pulls away with a triumphant smile and less red cheeks than he had before. You grin back at him, your heart beating madly. God, you are already head over heels for this kid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //IMPORTANT!  
> Okay, wanted to tell you guys something. Updates will be super irregular! I do not have internet at my house as of this moment, and my parents are divorced. Why does that matter, you ask? Because I go to my Dad's house every other weekend, and he has internet(I swear i have a point to all of this) That will most likely be my update time and such. Along with that note, though, since it is summer time, I will be going to my grandmother's house frequently. That means I can type something up and hopefully write something there? God, I hope so*sigh* Anyways, I swear I love you all, My perfect purple bumblebees. Please be patient and forgive me. Stay awesome-HG out~//


	9. Dave: tell the rest of your secrets==>

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave's little vacation with John is short lived when he recieves a phone call from yours truely, Dirk Strider. New information is spit out(but when isn't there new information?) and now that bastard Caliborn has joined the crew. Will Dave even make it out without another scar? Haha, probably not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //Holy shit, is that-is that an update I see?! 0-0 OMFC. Sorry, bumblebees, I have been in Virginia for awhile, otherwise this chapter would have been up a week ago. God, this was literally something I pulled out of my butt and slapped onto the website. Please forgive me for this...whatever it is. Anyways-enjoy!  
> #Contradicting>->

**Be Dave Strider== >**

 

 Your name is Dave Strider, and it is a warm Sunday afternoon. You have been staying with your best friend/boyfriend, John Egbert, getting into lots of trouble and confessing secrets. After spending a lazy day with John, things begin to slow down and you feel as if something bad is going to happen. You have a great sense when it comes to this sort of thing. Lying on the couch with John, your phone vibrates on your chest. You lift it up to see that you are getting a call from Bro. Instincts are never wrong. John is confused when you sit up really quickly and force the buttons to accept the call.

 

  “Hello?” You yelp into the receiver. You hear a dark laugh and you imagine Bro sneering at the phone.

 

  “Hey, lil' man. How are things with your little boyfriend?” You stiffen and John puts a hand on your shoulder to comfort you. Albeit he senses something bad will happen, too.

 

  “Uh, what?” You ask, playing dumb. Dirk laughs again.

 

  “Oh, please. I’ve done some snooping-that little Serket girl is quite angry you stole her love interest.” It feels like you can’t breathe. He knows, you are doomed, John is doomed, everyone is gonna die, and the world is going to explode and-

 

  “Anyways, I want you to come home tonight. I am tired of looking after this dumb cat, and I need your help around the house,” Dirk continues, interrupting your thoughts of the planet’s impending doom. Your breath catches.

 

  “No,” You breathe, but you instantly regret it.

 

  “No?” Dirk chuckles and you bite your lip,” Bro, I suggest you go somewhere your little boyfriend doesn’t hear the conversation.” You look over at John. He looks confused and a bit sleepy, and his big eyes decide for you that it is time to grow some balls. You look away from John and glare at the blank TV screen.

 

  “Exactly. I said no. And whatever you have to say to me, you can say to the both of us,” You snap, and even though John is pleading with his eyes for you not to, you press the speaker button. The audio crackles and it is silent on the other end before your brother begins to laugh.

 

 “You are a fucking idiot,” Dirk laughs and you hiss in reply, “But if you really want this to be heard by that dweeb, then okay.”

 

  “Okay,” You say indifferently, miffed that he called John a dweeb. It is quiet again.

 

  “Dave, I am sick and tired of you. I want you to get your shit together and for you come home.”

 

  “I said no. You said that I can stay as long as I am welcome-“

 

  “Well, you aren’t welcome anymore-“

 

  “Yes he is!” John butts in, and you stare at him with wide eyes before hushing him.

 

  “Hey, butt out, dip shit. This doesn’t have to involve you.”

 

  “Don’t talk to him that way!” You snarl, and you almost hear Dirk roll his eyes.

 

  “Oh, shut the fuck up, you little fag,” Dirk pauses to make sure you do as he says, then continues,” If you aren’t home by ten then the consequences will be severe. For you _and_ your little boyfriend.”

 

  “Bull Shit. You can’t lay a hand on me,” John snarls, and you elbow him lightly.

 

  “No, you are right. But I can ruin your reputation at school, and tell your father about you hanging with the Makara boys.” John bites his lip and looks at you. You shake your head and lay the phone on your knee; your hands are trembling too much to hold the phone.

 

  “Dirk, I have taken your shit long enough. I am going to pick my things up tomorrow after school, and then I am leaving.” Dirk bursts out into giggles, and you snarl as if he offended your pride-which he has.

 

  “Yeah right. You are seventeen. What are you gonna do? Run away!” Dirk begins to laugh harder and you roll your eyes.

 

  “Hell yeah I am. I don’t need your shit anymore. I turn eighteen soon-”

 

  “That doesn’t mean shit. I will find you, and things will be bad.” Dirk sobers up quickly, and you hear the threat that actually lies beneath his words: He will kill you when he sees your face again. You see John looking at you with fearful eyes and you puff out your chest to look brave for him.

 

 “I am coming home tonight,” You say slowly, and it is quiet on the other end again.

 

  “That’s great, I am glad you see it my way-“

 

  “You didn’t let me finish,” You bark, but your voice wobbles and you wince at the broken sound, “I am coming home to pick up my things. I am gathering everything I will need, money included. And you will never see me again. This can be quiet and simple, Bro.”

 

  “Haha, okay. We are playing a game? Cool. I like games, and so does my friend.” That makes your blood run cold.

 

  “F-friend?” You know who his friend is, and a lump forms in your throat.

 

  “Hello, Dave! Hehehehe,” You groan and shudder at the obnoxious voice on the other end.

 

  “Caliborn,” You reply curtly. There is another inane laugh, and John raises a brow at the girlish laughter.

 

  “Who is Caliborn?” John whispers, but you quickly shake your head, using your hands to imply that you will tell him later.

 

 “I will be by at ten, as you wish bro. And then I gather my shit and you won’t see me again.” You hiss, and end the call. When you do, you screech in frustration and throw your phone.

 

  “God dammit!” You shout, hopping off the couch. John looks wide awake now as he watches you pace angrily.

 

  “What’s wrong?” John asks hysterically, even though he knows that there is a  _lot_  of shit wrong right now.

 

  “Caliborn is there!” You hiss, anxiety hitting you like a ton of bricks. You wrap your arms around you as you walk back and forth in tight circles, your breathing quick and your heart shuddering and collapsing in on its self at times. You are scared now, terrified in fact. You begin to cry. It feels like that is all you have been doing-crying! You make another frustrated noise and John pounces, trying to gather your tall, lanky form in a strange embrace. Caliborn was the reason for most of your scars. You have been pushed down stairs, smacked around...and…other things….

 

 “And?”

 

 “And? And! Caliborn is the  _real_  reason why I have such horrible scars! He is the reason why I am making often visits to the emergency room! Caliborn is the reason why Dirk went from cool big bro to huge dick head in a matter of three months!” Your words are jumbled and don’t make sense, and John is babbling for you to calm the  _fuck_  down, but you can’t! Why didn’t you back down when you heard Caliborn on the other line? Oh, yeah, because you wanted to look tough. Fuck being tough, you are going to run away without  _any_  of your shit. You don’t need anything but your life and the clothes on your back. You’ll be fine-

 

  “DAVE!” John shouts, and you cry out in response. John grabs your little arms and shakes them.

 

  “What?” You whimper, wrenching yourself away from his too-tight grasp. John sighs.

 

 “First, calm down. Tell me why he has you so upset.”

 

 “I  _told_  you-”

 

 “No, you didn’t. You told me he was bad.” John lugs you over to the couch. You shrug and just slump over, unable to even deal right now. John pats your shoulder comfortingly, and you groan long and loud into your arm.

 

  “He..He did things, John,” You whimper, and cover your face in shame. God, you are so vile and nasty.

“What? What did he do?” John asks, sounding alarmed. You shrug and decide to keep it simple.

 

  “I’m not a virgin anymore.”

 

“Oh my _God!_ Does that mean…?”

 

  “Yeah,” You grumble. It is quiet for awhile, and neither of you talk while John basks in this new information. You wonder if he is rethinking the relationship? You can’t blame him, honestly; You are a disgusting, tainted slut.

 

“You know what? I think I will stay here. I don’t need to see those two. I will just run away now,” You mumble, your words being spoken through your arm.

 

  “That’s a good plan. And you can stay here, by the way. I’m sure my dad won’t mind.” You abruptly sit up and stare at him with pursed lips.

 

  “No, you know what? You’re right. I’ll go.” John stares at you, flabbergasted as you stand again.

 

 “ _What_? That is  _not_  what I just said!” John whines, but he stays seated as you pace once again.

 

  “Yeah, I do need to go. Gotta grab important things, save that poor cat. Dear God, that poor thing. Who knows how much torture it received through my bro? Okay, I will go now. If I go now and walk fast enough, I should get back to the apartment complex by ten.”

 

  “Omg, Dave, no! Are you crazy?” John barks, giving you bewildered looks and flailing arms to emphasize. And he acuses _you_ of being crazy?

 

  “Maybe. Hell, maybe this time, I will fight him? And Calliborn too? Hell yeah. Okay, don’t wait up for me, okay? And if I don’t show up for school by Tuesday, expect the worst.” You walk over to the door where you had kicked off your shoes, and bend over, intending to put them on.

  “Dave, you dumb fuck, stop!” John shouts, grabbing your shoulder. You glance at him, but he doesn’t realize you are looking so you tilt your head a bit. Okay, your shades have a tiny drawback, you guess. Wait, what? Stop getting distracted! Focus, stupid, focus! You return to your shoes.

 

  “What?” You snap, and John bites his lip. You immediately apologize but he waves his hand, saying ‘it is fine, you are stressed’. God, you hate yourself sometimes.

 

  “I…if you are really hell bent on going…I’m calling Karkat and Gamzee.” That makes you flinch and your jaw drops.

 

  “What? Why!” You yelp, throwing up your hands. John rolls his eyes.

 

 “First of all, Karkat has a car; second, Gamzee has mad fighting skills just in case you need help.”

 

  “What? No, no one needs to be dragged into this, this is stupid! It’s bad enough you will get in trouble from all of this, I don’t need those two-“

 

  “Too bad.” John deadpans, and you groan as he steps back from you, turns on his heel, and walks into the kitchen to grab the home phone. You quickly tie the knots on your shoes and run into the kitchen after him. He has pulled a chair to the wall but does not sit as he dials. He sees you and motions for you to sit down when he has the phone to his ear. You are so wobbly in the knees that you go ahead and sit. Jesus Christ, someone is trying to help you. You are stunned, not knowing anyone cared that much. Your train of thought derails when John plops himself on your lap, and you ignore the blush creeping onto your cheeks.

 

  “Hey, Karkat? Yeah, it’s me. I’m putting you on speaker.” John leans against you and you instinctively wrap your arms around his little waist.

 

  “Dude, what the fuck are you calling for? We aren’t having any more parties, Jesus’ dick!”

 

  “No, we need help.” It is quiet on the other end, and you nuzzle your face into John’s neck, sobbing. Jesus, you stupid fucking crybaby. Just stop already, will ya? Why do you always cry? Nobody likes a sniffling crybaby. You almost wish John would end your relationship because he doesn’t deserve to deal with your dumb ass.

 

  “With what?” Karkat inquires gruffly, and you hear him cough and you wonder if he is sick. John tells Karkat most of the story, and you let him. John tells him everything that is relevant to the situation, and the emo douche is quiet for once.

 

  “Okay, and why does Gamzee need to come?” Karkat sounds bussiness like, and you feel like you are hanging with the FBI, or some mobsters, or the mafia, even. The thought makes you laugh a chocked giggle, one that pops the lump in you throat and fills your mouth with flem. Gross. John raises a brow.

 

  “Because Dirk is a threat, and so is his friend. We may need some…back up. If you know what I mean.” John knows so much about the Makara’s that you don’t, and from what he is implying, you have every right to still be scared. Partying with the Gamzee kid does nothing to snuff out your fear for him.

 

  “Okay, we will be there in ten. Don’t do anything that is fucking Crazy, okay?”

 

  “Oh! Don’t tell anyone, especially Jade!”

 

 “Whatever,” Karkat snaps before  hanging up. John begins to redial again, and you finally find your voice.

 

  “What are you doing?” You ask, and John smiles.

 

  “Calling Rose.” She answers right away, and is quickly notified that she is on speaker.

 

  “Hello, John. I have some news about the hotline. According to Sollux, we have been making some progress. Mom and I had just busted a celabratory drink when you called.”

 

  “Get away from your mom for a sec, this is personal.”

 

  “Oh? Are you inquiring about more sex tips?” John makes a choking sound and his face turns incredibley red when he gawks at you. You wiggle your eyebrows and he turns his face and clears his throat.

 

  “Rose, I am asking nothing of the kind, nor have I ever. Say hi to _Dave_ ” He emphasises your name and you grin.

 

  “Oh, Hello, David.” You groan at the misuse of your name but say hi anyways. John explains the situation to her, and asks for her to keep a watch out. Unfortuanatly, she says she will invite Kanaya over to help, and you are beginning to feel that too many peope know about the situation. This isn’t right at all. But soon, the call has ended, and you and John sit for a few minutes, sort of enjoying each other’s company. Finally you have him hop off of you because you are planning on taking some anxiety medication, and to change the bandages on your arm. He helps you with that and then not even five minutes later, you are sitting in Karkat’s car, smooshed beside of  Gamzee.

 

  “So, you are abused?” Karlat askes bluntly, and you choke on your saliva while John smacks him upside the head.

 

  “God dammit, John! Don’t hit me while I am fucking driving, you ball sack!” Karkat shouts.

 

  “Don’t ask such triggering questions!” John retorts, and turns around in the front seat to look at you. You shrug and shake your head at him. You are fine, you say.

 

  “Yeah, I get bullied at home,” You reply nonchalanly, and Karkat’s nervous eyes look at you through the rearview mirror.

 

  “Oh…why?”

 

   “Karkat!”

 

 “It’s fine, John.” You clear your throat, “Because I’m gay? Because I am a slut? Because I’m not good enough? Because I am a worthless piece of shit who should just fucking die already? Who knows. My brother changes his reasons with every god damn punch to the face, every time he tells me to go take a fucking blade to my viens.” You are shaking, and now you feel angry rather than depressed like you figured you would be when someone finally asks you this stuff. The atmosphere in the car is thick and eerily silent. Not even the soft purr of the car rumbling gently beneath you can break the strange silence over everyone. It lasts like this for awhile while you stare blankly out of the window. The sun has long since gone, leaving behind countless stars, endless black, and a tyrant of a moon to hang crisply in the sun’s rightful place. You hate the dark so much.

 

  “Uh, I’m sorry,” Karkat finally says. You don’t look at him.

 

  “What for?” You murmur, and Karkat shifts in his seat, his black eyes showing discomfort.

 

  “For being a dick. I shouldn’t have called you all that stuff-”

 

 “Doesn’t matter. I hear it on a daily basis anyways.” You interupt.

 

  “Have you tried to, uh, mother fuckin’ kill yourself off?” Gamzee speaks, and you jump at how startlingly calm his voie is. John turns in his seat again to give you a sharp look, but you begin to laugh.

 

  “Of course I have! I failed miserably, though,” You chuckle darkly. John groans and his eyes water.

 

  “How did you all up and fail, Strider?” Gamzee seems to lear at you under a shit ton of face paint and creepy purple eyes. You shudder but a smile tucks your cheeks back anyways.

 

  “I was stupid, not thinking clearly. I held a knife above my throat and dropped it. Probably would have worked if John didn’t decided to annoy me online,” You sound endearing to your own ears, but everyone gives you an uncomfortable or pitying look. Hell, both, even.

 

  “Is that why you wanted the flyer?” John inquires quietly. Karkat turns on Mainstreet, the road where your apartment complex is.

 

  “Yeah. I was curious to see if you guys could help me.” You chuckle again. You may or may not have a few screws loose. Being near Gamzee is a good excuse to say you are nuts, and right now, you kind of are. You can’t fucking wait to get a hold of Dirk. You are gonna fuck shit up, and you are excited, too.

 

**Ten minutes later== >**

 

 

 You are standing in the lobby, talking to rose, kanaya, and the boys. You all have a plan. Gamzee will follow you up to the top floor, while Karkat and John will be stationed in the elevator. Kanaya and Rose have pressed signs on all the elevator doors(except the one on the top floor) saying that it was out of order, that way you could get to the elevators without worrying that they will be occupied and on the bottom floor or something. The girls are also on the bottom floor in case they need to notify the bell hop if something bad has happened. You? You will probably get your ass kicked and you don’t even care. You just hope someone (preferably not your friends) will fall down with you.

 

  You and Gamzee ride with John and Karkat to the top floor, and you sigh. “I can’t believe I am putting my trust into a juggalo,” You grumble.

 

  “I’m not a mother fuckin’ juggalo! Those guys are fuckin’-”

 

  “Now is not the fucking time to talk about the fake miracles the damn ICP idiots spout, Gam,” Karkat snarls, confidently elbowing the lanky man in the back. The ‘clown’ growls angrily and now you have something to fear. This idiot will more than likely kill you before Dirk gets you.

 

 It is ten o’clock by the time Gamzee stations himself at the door and you are ready to walk inside. Your stomach feels like it is missing and replaced by a cold block of dread. You wipe your sweaty palms on your skinny jeans and push the door open, soon greeted by your grinning brother, and the nasty pointed smile of your brother’s best friend.

 

  “Hey, Kid. Long time no see!” Caliborn cackles, slapping you hard on the back. You hiss in pain and look him up and down. God, he awful, and yet good looking in some horrific way.  He has black hair greased back in some shitty style that is reminiscent of a guy in the fifties, and his pupils are nearly red like yours. He wears a black tee shirt, black jeans, and bright green suspenders. He has bright read circles painted on his high cheekbones, and he has a single gold capped tooth inside his sickeningly sweet smile. His pink lips stretch to reveal the tooth.

 

  “I see you like the new addition to my mouth!” Caliborn observes, and you stand still, unwilling to make any move,“ You see,  I had gotten into a fight with my  _ugly_  sister, and she hit me pretty good, that disgusting bitch. Lets also say that I have no use of my right leg anymore.” Caliborn lifts his slacks to show off a fucking  _gold_  prosthetic leg. Seriously, why gold? Why couldn’t he be a normal, nongreedy little shit? He is also shorter than you, despite being like, twenty four? He continues to flap his perfectly angled jaw.

 

  “So, It has been awhile since we have been in contact, Dave. What do you say I show you the new toys Dirk bought for my amusement?” Caliborn wiggles his eyebrows, and you hiss in disgust.

 

  “You sick asshole.”

 

  “I need your body, Dave!” He taunts and Dirk sits there and watches. Watches his friend harrass you, just like last time…when Caliborn fucking Raped your drug induced body. You shudder and spit on Caliborn’s nice black vans.

 

  “I don’t really give a fuck. Get away, you sick bastard,” You snap at him, and walk further into the house, stupidly turning your back on them. Caliborn taunts and jeers at you from behind, making horrible suggestions that make your skin crawl. Then, they follow you to your room, not doing anything to you and Caliborn has stopped speaking, which is really unsettling. You shut the door on them, panicing. 

 

  _Oh my fucking_   _god_ , you think, scared as shit. They are planning something. You won’t get out alive. You begin packing as quickly as you can, taking things like your laptop, music, you even manage to shove your tiny turntables into a huge ass duffle bag. In the end, you are left with three bags and a surprising mew at our feet. You look down to see the smallest fucking cat in you have ever seen. You fall to the floor and get a good luck at it, picking the tiny meowbeast up to inspect it. It purrs when  you scoop it up, and looks your dead in the eye. It’s eyes are still blue, an effect that will most likely disappear as it grows, and its white fur is very choppy and fuzzy. You can feel it’s bones, feel how frail and broken this poor creature is. It is definetly the runt of the litter, and you feel an awful urge to protect it. You stand and grab your bags, holding the poor creature in your hands. You bet the poor little guy is hungry as fuck!You shake your head.

 

  No time to think of that, you need to get out of here!

 

  You open your door, alone. Strange, they didn’t stay. Are they going to ambush you? You hope not. You walk to the bathroom and bend to the floor to peer inside the cabinet under the sink. The kitten squirms in your grasp so you hold it tighter. Then, you remove a panel at the bottom of the cabinet. Under the panel, is a wad of concealed cash you have been saving for an occasion like this, easily five hundred bucks. You grin and shove the money in your pocket. How could your idiot brother have never seen this shit? You make your way downstairs, undetected it seems. You walk past the kitchen, weary. Then, you are grabbed from behind. _Are you fucking kidding me?_

 

  “Uh, uh-Miracle!” You scream, and the door bursts open. Code word actually fuckin’ worked. You scream as Gamzee’s horrifying form comes at you with his club raised, only to realize he was striking your ‘captor’. You spin on your heel to see Caliborn groaning on the floor, holding his surely broken arm.

 

  “Dave?” A new voice shouts, and you turn to the door to see John. You give him a relieved sigh when he takes the cat and your bags from you to take to the elevator. You and Gamzee are ready to follow when Gamzee lets out an enraged scream. Before he could make it out the door, Dirk had snuck up from behind and sliced his arm with a fucking katana. Gamzee begins to laugh at the sight of his own blood and throws his purple club into the air, and when he catches it? He brings it down on bro. Bro anticipatates this and throws his stupid puppet at Gamzee (whilist getting out of the way), where it’s arms wrap around his face and while Gamzee struggled to pry the stupid doll off of him, Dirk spins on you

.

  You shout in pain when the sword digs into your arm next, and your pull yourself off of the weapon. Blood spews from your wound when the weapon is removed, and then it dribbles down your favorite record-tee. Much to your surprise, and Dirk’s as well, you pounce on him and knock him onto the floor. You make sure to sit on his chest so you have leverage, and you pummel his stupid face with your fists, and he is the most bloody mess you have ever seen. He makes and angry noise in the back of his throat, and rolls on top of you, where he hacks at your arm with a small knife he seemed to have hidden in his strife specibus. You never would have taken him for a knife kind of guy, but you aren’t going to think about that because there is a fucking knife entering your fucking toroso right now. Why, why did he have to move from your arm to a part of your body that could be generally important?

 

 Dirk is flung off of you and you are helped to your feet by Gamzee. You see Lil’ Cal ripped up on the floor, and Caliborn knocked out and slumped against the Tv. Gamzee takes off his shirt and wraps it around your waist to stop the blood. Well, subdue it, at least. He drags you out of the room with you arm over his shoulder, somehow manageing to shut the apartment door. He helps you to the elevator, where a crying John and a shrieking Karkat greet you. John holds on to you as you slump to the floor, groaning and holding your stomach. You choke and cough up a smattering of blood when Gamzee slams his fist against the button for the lobby. Rose and Kanaya are in hysterics when they see you, and the next thing you know, everything is dark and you can’t really remember when you fell asleep.

 

 Did you even fall asleep?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //okay, I am working on the next chapter now...I have no idea when it willl be up, though:/ And it may be a bit short*sigh* anyways, I love you all, my perfect purple bumble bees! Stay awesome, and feel free to comment! Remember, commenting helps keep procrastination and writers block at bay, so even if you just want to tell me what you had for dinner last night, thats okay! I wanna know what you ate! #creeeeepyyyyy  
>  Anwhores, I'll see you around^-^


	10. Dave: Have a nice end to the night==>

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave gets out of the hospital, surprisingly not dead or anything. Yay! In the end, he and John end up staying with Karkat just in case Bro comes to John's. shenanigans ensue.   
> (spoiler alert: Condoms. >:] )

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //this chapter is for sCREEEEEEEEEEECH and Qow, because they seemed to have needed this chapter more than the rest of you ._. and this also goes out to MurderousAlarmclock, who commented a million years ago, and because they are a very loyal reader and that just...it just feels great, okay? I love you all, though, guys! Enjoy this chapter<3

**Dave: Wake the ever loving fuck up== >**

 

  You wake the ever loving fuck up, and solemnly wonder if you are dead. Haha, just kidding. You can’t be dead; your body hurts everywhere and your mind is numb, and you aren’t supposed to hurt in heaven. But we never established you were in heaven, just that you are dead. Does this mean you are in hell? Probably.

 

  “He’s waking up!” Okay, never mind. You are not dead, you are…you are where? You here an erratic beeping noise, the sound of something quietly dripping, and excited but hushed murmurs of other humans. Your fucking stomach, arm, and wrist hurt like a bitch, as if the offending body parts are competing on what can hurt the most. You take a deep, shuddering breath, one that sends your mind reeling , so you squeeze your eyes shut as tight as you can, unwilling to open them as you fight off the waves of nausea that crash against the walls of your stomach and lap against your thought process. Seriously, you can’t think straight! You feel so distorted and dizzy, and your chest is squeezing as if you are on the verge of a panic attack-which you may be.

 

  Where the hell are you? You are sure you aren’t alone, but you certainly feel like you are. It is too hot; your tongue is too wet. Your throat is tight and your lungs are filling with air but it feels like you are breathing fire. Shit, you can’t breathe, this isn’t breathing, this is just the expansion of your vital organs but they do not squeeze back together to release the air. They just keep filling up and not releasing, and you are getting even dizzier and Jesus Christ, it is so hot-

 

  “Dave?” Holy fuck that is the voice of an angel. You feel compelled to open your eyes and see the face of your savior, but you are scared. What if this isn’t an angel, but really Lord Death grinning down at you with his scythe poised and ready to swing at your neck? Oh my fucking god, quit being dramatic and open your God damn eyes.

 

  “John?” You whimper, but your voice is hoarse and the words sort of make a gargled swooshing noise. Your meet eyes with John and you quickly realize that your shades have been misplaced somewhere and your memories resurface. You are now in the hospital. Why? Because you went back home to an angry brother and a dick as his best friend. You were stabbed everywhere and you kind of feel like you are dying. You shake your head, which makes you dizzy. You make a pitiful noise and look away from John’s concerned eyes to see the other guests in the room. Gamzee is in the corner watching TV from his perch on the huge window that takes up half the wall. Karkat sits beside him the single green chair, and he plays with a clear box full of studs and assorted piercings. He slips a peppermint patterned gauge in his ear, and adds a matching Candy Red septum ring.

 

  You see Rose’s knitting basket and a thick book written in another language sitting on the bedside table, so you assume she is here in the building somewhere; probably getting tea, and you bet Kanaya is with her, too. You look back over at John, who is gripping your hand. You can’t feel it though; actually, you can’t feel your arm at all. John sees how panicked you are and he lifts the long sleeve of your generic blue gown to reveal a mess of gauze.

 

  “Your arm was infected, and when you were stabbed, it made your arm worse. Doctors have you cleaned up and such, though! They have you on some kind of numbing stuff-” John continues to chatter, and you just lay your head back and listen. You are feeling very drowsy all of a sudden so you just close your eyes and hope to sleep. Not five minutes later, though, John cheerfully exclaims, “He woke up!” to someone. You assume it was the girls he was speaking to, but an unfamiliar voice responds back to him so you open your eyes to meet a lime green pair. You flinch back, mentally cursing. Who the actual fuck just gets all up into a patient’s face?

  The girl apologizes and leans away. You get a good look at her, watching her fiddle with the IV bag. Okay, so she must be a nurse. She is a very pretty, young woman, maybe in her early twenties. She looks familiar, too. Her cheekbones are high; she has an angled jaw, a huge smile, and curly white hair framing her face. You bet it is dyed, though, because she has the beginnings of black roots at her scalp. She wears green eye shadow to match her eyes and a pair of green scrubs that has a tuxedo print on the front. It took a moment for your stupid think pan to realize who she is, but when you do understand you let out a sharp gasp. She looks over at you with worrisome eyes.

 

  “Are you hurting?” She has a very girly, British accent, one that is reminiscent of the person you know.

 

  “Caliborn,” Is your response, and she gives you a surprised look, her mouth forming a small, bright pink ‘O’ shape. Then, her face darkens.

 

  “My twin,” She sighs, and then she walks around your bed to stare at your heart monitor. She scribbles stuff down on her clip board while you frown deeply.

 

  “How do you know him?” The girl version of your rapist asks, and you mentally hit yourself for thinking of him.

 

  “I just…He is a _friend_ ,” You grumble through gritted teeth, and you feel a hand pat your knee. You flinch and turn to see John getting up and walking angrily out of the room. His hands are shaking and you watch Karkat hop up and follow him. You furrow your brow and look back at the nurse.

 

  “He has friends?” The girl asks innocently, and you laugh hard enough to attract the attention of Gamzee, who creepily walks away from his window seat to stare at you. He gives you a horrific grin that nearly puts cracks in his face paint, and you suddenly wonder if you should thank him for saving your ass.

 

  “No, he all up and has some _mother fuckin_ ,” Gamzee speaks, “ENEMIES!” He just fucking shouted that like the lunatic he is, and you cower like the bitch you are into your bed. The nurse glares and bravely swats him in the face.

 

  “You are disturbing the patient, mister Makara. I must ask you to go sit down and keep your distance!” The nurse exclaims, narrowing her eyes. You stare at her, first wondering how anyone could just swat at that freaky fucker, and then wondering how in god’s name she knew who he was. Apparently you voice the latter question out loud, because Gamzee now smiles at you from across the room and answers.

 

  “She is my mother fuckin’ girlfriend,” Gamzee then turns his head to give her a sweet look. You are bewildered.

 

  “What about Nitram?” You ask, and watch as the girl scribbles on the clipboard again.

    
“Do you know what polyamory is?”  She asks with a slight giggle. She turns to you and smiles softly, and you just sigh and lay back down, turning away from her. You have learned enough today, you think you will just sleep now.

 

  “Okay, so your heart rate seems to be normal…well, normal for you? John told me you take medication for anxiety and blood pressure. Are there any other medications you take? Can you tell me the name of them all?” Without looking at her and your eyes shut tight, you tell her all of the medication you take. It was hard to say some of the names, so she helped you guess at what they could be until she said a name that sounded right. Then she asked about your arm, and then she filled you with some more numbing medication when you complained that it felt like your arm was burning.

 

  “Well, I guess that will be all for now.  If you need me, my name is Calliope, and I should be just down the hall! Cheerio, love,” Calliope says cheerfully, and she kisses the top of your head. Then she turns to peck the creepy bastard of a clown on the lips and then she sashays out of the room. You shake your head, sighing.

 

**Hours in the future, but not many == >**

 

 

 

  You are currently being hauled into the car by John, who is careful of your stitching and all the aches and pains you have been complaining about for the past hour. Doctor said you were fine, that your vital organs had not been punctured-which was really fucking lucky. The only real problem was the infection in your arm from when Dirk nearly killed you last week (not that you told them that) but it wasn’t an infection in the worse degree, so they just cleaned up, re stitched, and gave you some antibiotics. They stitched up the thin stab wounds in your other arm and in your stomach, and then they discussed the matter on your irregular heart patterns. They never spoke of how you had gotten injured, which you are suspicious about, but do not question until you are in the front seat of Karkat’s vehicle, and then your turn on John who is alone in the back seat.

  “Okay, how did I get these injuries?” You ask, and John looks confused for a moment until he realizes that you are inquiring about what the doctors have been told.

  “You got jumped in an alley. We heard the scuffling when we were in town shopping, and came to help you. They asked about some of your other scars and I told them that you and me strife sometimes. They didn’t ask about your infected arm after I told them that, I think they just stupidly assumed that we had strifed and you tried to fix your own arm.” You accept what he said, and nod before turning back around in your seat and buckling up.

  “What day is it?”

  “Just Monday afternoon. You were…‘jumped’ last night, and woke up at six this morning. We all just sort of skipped school for your stupid ass,” Karkat answers, circling the parking lot and swearing profusely when he couldn’t find the exit. You quietly point in the direction of the exiting lane, and he thanks you begrudgingly. You glance at the digital clock on the dash to see that it was ten past nine. You sigh and look out the window.

  “Where are we going?” You finally ask after fifteen minutes of silence and unfamiliar scenery.

  “To my house. You both will be staying with me tonight 'cause we suspect that Strider will come to John’s house,” Karkat replies again, looking distracted. Then, you see his uncle’s little white house at the end of the street, and you fight the urge to groan. That’s right; Karkat lives with his uncle, who is your biology teacher. You haven’t been to school in a good several days so you can probably expect a good, long winded lecture about it. Karkat sees your discomfort and snickers. You flip him off and he begins to laugh.

  “You know I don’t swing that way, lover boy!” Karkat cackles as he pulls into his drive way.

  “It wasn’t an invitation to fuck me,” You snap as you climb out of the car. You hear a throat clear behind you and Karkat and John look amused. You groan and slam your face onto the top of the car.

  “Dave!” Mr. Vantas chastes while John begins to shout that you shouldn’t slam your face into things. “I would appreciate it if you wouldn’t use that language in my presence-”

  “If it is any consolation, Kanny, I didn’t know you were anywhere near me,” You grumble. He then begins to whine and asks you to at least call him _Kankri_ if you won’t call him Mr. Vantas; only specific people can call him Kanny, and you most certainly aren’t the one with that privilege. You roll your eyes and attempt to grab your bags from the back seat, but both Karkat and John tell you to get the fuck back and they pick them up for you. As you follow the three boys into the house, you ask about your cat, which was an unnecessary question because when you step through the door, your feet are being stepped on by the little rascal.

  “I came by the hospital last night to take care of the little guy. He was unwelcomed in the building because some people have cat allergies,” Kankri states lovingly, his light brown eyes staring at the little ball of fur at your feet with genuine care. You swoop down to pick the little guy up, only to groan in pain and stand straight again.

  “You idiot,” Karkat snaps, looking at you with worry. John glares at him and rubs your non injured arm. You give him a broken smile before following Kankri into the guest room. He and the boys set your bags on the bed, which already had a few before yours. You assume they are John’s, since he opens one of the bags and pulls out a note book.

  “Can I borrow your phone, Mr. Vantas?” John asks, and Kankri forks over the loot and asks him to bring it back after John was done. Then He and Karkat leave the room, shutting the white door behind them. John opens the book to a seemingly random page that has a single phone number scribble messily at the top of the paper. He flips the old silver phone open and quickly dials the number before holding the little device to his ear. He sits on the bed, pushes the bags aside, and waves you over to sit beside him.

  “Hey!” John suddenly says, and you jump before realizing he is talking to the person on the other line.

  “Sorry, it’s me, John. Uh, some things came up so I am staying at Karkat’s house. Is that okay?” You quickly gather that the person your boyfriend is talking to is his dad. You flop backwards and lay horizontally on the bed, your feet dangling the slightest bit off the edge.

  “Oh, well, Karkat just need help with a personal thing or two. Also, we are fixing the website tonight and tomorrow. Mhmm, yeah. Yep, the suicide hotline. Hehe, yeah, well, we decided there needed to be an online thing, too, so more people will get involved. No, not at all. Yeah. Yes, Dave is here too. Yeah, he’s fine. Oh my God! _Dad_!” John yelps cryptically, blushing intensely. You pretend to not notice, a feat that is much easier now that you have your shades back. “No! Well, we are, but we aren’t doing _that_! Oh, _hardy har_ _har_! Yeah, whatever. I love you too. Bye.”

  “What was that about?” You ask with a smug grin, and John ignores you with a dignified blush. He stands up and walks out of the room, coming back moments later without the phone in hand. He lies down beside you and kicks off his yellow high tops. He is still blushing.

  “So?” You ask, and he turns a deeper shade of red before he hides his blue eyes with the crease of his elbow.

  “He just asked if we were using protection,” John snaps, and you burst out laughing, which hurt like a mother fucker. You still laughed though, and John eventually opens his eyes to see why you were laughing so hard.

  “It’s hilarious that he thinks we would use protection,” You explain, and John gives you a bewildered look.

  “But why wouldn’t we?!”

  “Because it feels better without it,” You say suggestively, and waggle your eyebrows.

  “Dave!” John whines, covering his face with his hands.

  “You better save your voice, John. No shouting my name like that until it’s time,” You giggle, and John groans before giving you a bleary eyed glare. You laugh at him some more when Karkat knocks on the door before pushing it open. H has a sly smile.

  “I heard the talk of condoms and thought you needed some. Here you go,” Karkat chucks an entire pack of silver wrapped condoms at you. They land on John’s chest and he squeals like a female seventh grader and tosses them at you. You pick them up and examine the little objects. They are all outrageously flavored; some are strawberry while others are cream pie. _That_ flavor name makes you laugh and you try to show John, but he is too flustered to look. You thank Karkat and he leaves the room in good spirits, asking that you ‘dumb fucks keep the baby making noises to a minimum’. Not even an hour later, you and John had unwrapped most of the little packages. And by ‘you and John’, you mean just you.

  Out of 36, you had taken out about ten, and you are working on getting them blown up. They taste great, and you tell John this, and he just begins to screech like a little girl about how perverted you are. You don’t think you are perverted (you totally are), you are just honest. You like the green apple-jolly rancher one the best and you ask John to lick the makeshift balloon to see if he too preferred this flavor. He screeches again.

  “I can’t even begin to tell you how wrong it would be if I licked a bright green condom for you!” John complains, his face a permanent pink.

  “You forgot to mention it is flavored,” You snigger, and John slams a palm to his face, nearly knocking his glasses off, and you make sure he is watching when you slowly lick the balloon again. (You find it much easier to refer to it as a balloon; otherwise it would get really awkward.) John’s face is alight with a blush again and he is more flustered than before as he crosses his legs uncomfortably and bops the condom from your hand, yelping about how dirty that looked. You hop off of the bed and chase after it, knocking a few of the balloons out of the way with your sock clad feet. You pick the balloon up off of the floor and spin on your heel. John is a giggling mess, one that has him wiggling on the bed, his mouth covered by his little hand, his eyes are squinted, and his tiny body is shaking with a bad case of the laughs. You crawl over top of him, and both of you are mindful of your stitches as you lean over him and press your lips to his forehead, and he wraps his arms around your neck in return. When his hand is moved from his mouth, you kiss his slightly chapped lips. He quickly turns away in disgust and you give him a confused head tilt.

  “Your mouth tastes like green apples!” He complains and when you laugh, he begins to complain some more, “That is just wrong, man! Why is the flavor _that strong_? Jesus dick, did you fucking try to _eat_ the flavor off of the condom! Stop laughing!” You can’t stop laughing though. Still straddling him, you rise up and drop the condom balloon and it lands beside of John’s head. He knocks it away with mild irritation and watches you hold your stomach.

  “J-John, please! I’m splitting my sides over here!” You guffaw, and John crosses his arms.

 “More like you are splitting your stupid stomach. Be careful or your stitches will come undone,” John grumbles and looks away from you. You sober up enough to bend back over him and get in his face. You pucker your lips ridiculously, and as expected, he laughs. He understands what you are asking for and he goes ahead and kisses you. Then, he takes surprising initiative and bites your lower lip. Then he casually sucks on it for a second before pulling away a bit.

  “Okay, so they don’t taste that bad,” John admits, and you grin.

  “Whatever. You totally love that flavor.”

  “That is the only flavor I’ve tried!”

  “Shouldn’t have said that,” You grin, taking what he said as a challenge. You both spend the rest of the night trying the flavors and slowly and casually making out. You make perverted jokes and he responds to them with either embarrassment or irritation; some of your jokes he actually laughs at. It was fun, not having to deal with Bro’s shit and just hanging out with John. It is easy to forget your woes when he is a giggling mess beside or beneath you(depending on whether you are having sloppy make outs) and taste testing flavored condoms completely made you forget all about your past and you only think of the present and the future. And your future consists of being with John.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, because it will be awhile before another is uploaded. I am going back to Virginia tonight so...yeah. :/ I love you all! Remember to comment! I don't care what you say, just comment, please! It helps keep the writer's block away and it just makes me feel good to know that people actually care about this weird, OOC fic>-> I love you guys, stay perfect, my purple bumblebees:) bye!~


	11. Karkat: Over think things==>

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat over thinks a LOT of things, Dave is figuring out about himself, Jade doesn't understand when Karkat asks to borrow notes for a class he doesn't have.  
> (SPOIERS!: more condoms, lol)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //hey, guys, it is lovely to see you all again. I just wanted to say a few things. I had done a bit of research about gender queer/non-binary/androgynous stuff, and I also talked to a friend who is androgynous. I had them help me out to understand a few things, but since I am not androgynous myself (and since I am incredibly incompetent when it comes to this sort of thing) I still couldn't grasp a lot of the things they said. As previously stated, I had done a bit of research. The point is, I am not sure if I got most of the concept right*sigh* So feel free to correct me if you know any of what I said was wrong!  
> !!!!!BUT!!!!!! KEEP IN MIND THAT A LOT OF THIS IS IN *spoiler* DAVE'S POV, AND HE DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT THIS SORT OF THING, EITHER.   
> With that said, I can safely say that /some/ information is okay to be confused with since he himself is confused with the whole gender queer thing. But I would still like it if people correct me where I am wrong, please? I want to know if I am using the wrong terms or anything of the sort, that way I can correct them in this chapter or have Dave realize things he had done/said wrong in the next, okay? Thank you!!<3  
> -  
> Last but not least, I just wanted to say this: Karkat is bullied by some people(not in this chapter though) but even so, he always has girls lusting after him for some reason. So don't be surprised when a whole bunch of girls just stare at him or giggle constantly. He just has that Vantas charm, you know? cx  
> -  
> Okay, bye for now(until the next set of notes) I hope you like this chapter, guys! <3  
> -  
> (Cronus and Kankri are one of my OTPs...don't judgeeeeee)

**Be Karkat Vantas== >**

 

  Your name is KARKAT VANTAS, it is five in the morning, and you are tired as fuck, if fucks could be tired. And you are certainly a fuck-or at least a cluster fuck of stupid, and that stupid analogy is in fact a fuck, which you are, and fucks can be tired, which you also are. Are you over thinking this? Probably.

   You rise like a corpse from your bed, rubbing viciously at your eyes to remove the sleep, and you yawn. Jesus Christ, it is too early for this. You toss your heavy bedspread off of you and lurch unsteadily to your feet. After some groping at your bedside table, you discover the twisty knob to switch your lamp on. And, of course, the room brightens a bit when the lamp is on. You stare bleary-eyed at the little nightstand, sighing. In the precise middle lies a package full of piercings, which you scoop into your hands and shove in the pocket of your red plaid pajama pants.

  You then look for a peculiar, eight-shaped case that should just be _right there_ , and when you realize that the little case isn’t where you put it, you flip your shit. That case? Holds your contact lenses. Without them, you have to run around in thick, douchey glasses like Eridan or John (Or without the glasses, which is an unfathomable option because you like to see, Dammit). You moan in aggravation-the one day that you hope to look decent, you can’t find that god damn plastic case. You may be wondering why today is the day you have to look your best. Because today is your five month anniversary with Harley, and you are taking her to dinner tonight. Now, she is going to think you look like an idiot, or a hipster, even, and she is gonna dump your chump ass. Then you are going to wallow in self pity and die alone and-Jesus Christ, stop over thinking things!

  You have wasted ten precious minutes looking for your stupid contacts, so you just give up, open the nightstand drawer and pull out a pair of huge, bright red fucking glasses. You moan in agony as you slip them on. Well, at least you can see. You sluggishly scoot your feet over to your dresser and pull out a pair of plain black skinny jeans (the only black pair you own without chains or studs in the belt loops>_>) and after some rummaging, you find a black button up shirt. You get dressed-depositing your piercings box on the dresser top-and slip into a pair of black high top converse. You are honestly sad to say you don’t own any dress shoes and you hope that Jade doesn’t mind. You grab the box again and make a beeline to the bathroom.

  Once there, you spend another ten minutes on just your hair, and you once nearly knock your glasses off your nose when you bumped them with your hair brush. After realizing that trying to fix your hair is futile this morning (you should have blow dried your hair last night after your shower! Shame on you!), you decide to just…Bobby pin that shit to the side. Unfortunately, you only had obscenely bright colored hair pins, so now everyone will be staring at the bright green and pink pieces of fucking metal. God, you feel like a fag.

  You mentally hit yourself for that thought. Jesus Dick, you need to be more careful and sensitive. Dave has been called a fag all of his life, you bet, and if you aren’t careful, you are going to just jokingly say it to him and the next thing you know? He won't bother with the hotline, he will just put a bullet through his head and that will be that. You wince at the thought and sigh, staring into the sink drain. You need to just…stop. Stop thinking; stop talking, and just stop being you. Dave will fucking pay for it if you don’t. You groan and just pop open your case of little studs and all that shit.

  You switch black snake bites for red ones, flip your septum ring up into your nose (the one god damn piercing your stupid school won't allow) and change your peppermint gauges for some black ones. They are size eight plugs, a size you don’t feel compelled to upgrade on. You happen to like this size very much, and you honestly don’t want to be eighty years old with ears that flop to your balls. You shudder at the mental image and high tail your ass out of the bathroom. You beat on the guest room door, shouting incoherent nonsense about getting ready for school, and you rush into the kitchen to find Kankri leaning against the counter with an unfamiliar friend. You slow to a halt and stare suspiciously at the man who stands _way_ to close to your uncle.

  “Good morning, Karkat,” Kankri greets, his face an unusual shade of red. You see a lingering hand groping Kankri’s butt and you bare your teeth at the man.

  “Holy shit, it’s a bit early to have a quickie before work, isn’t it, Kankri?” You hiss, disgusted. Kankri turns a violent shade of red and he gives you a mortified look.

  “Karkat Vantas! We were doing _nothing_ of the sort, and if we were, I sure as hell wouldn’t do it where you could see me! And watch your fucking language!” Kankri barks and you snigger. Only you are capable of making him snap like that, and you take great pride in it.

  “Watch _yours_ , douche bag.” You dive into the fridge and pull out necessary breakfast items. When your arms are filled to the brim with precious morning loot, you shut the door with your foot and dump everything on the counter.

  "So who are you?" You ask nonchalantly, climbing onto the counter to reach the cabinets. Fuck your shortness. You open the gray cabinet and pull down the box of pancake mix, and then you hop back down.

  "Ampora. _Cronus_ Ampora," The guy replies cheekily. You look at him for a moment and see the resemblance. That is Eridan's older brother, isn't it? Oh my fucking God, Ha! You swing your head back and begin to laugh.

  "What's so funny?" Kankri asks, scrutinizing you. He helps you start the pancakes since you are still laughing.

  "Oh, God. This is great. Kankri, you know this guy is like, what? Twenty-one?"

  "Twenty," Ampora grumbles back. Kankri just throws strawberries into the bowl and mixes them violently with the pancake batter.

  "So?" Kankri barks, pouring the batter into the pan while you butter the toast.

  "You are five years older than him, dude."

  "Love doesn't know age-"

  "Or gender," Someone interrupts. You turn around to see that Dave had spoken, and John just stared at him with crooked glasses and an equally lopsided smile. Dave adjusts his shades and plops at the table, grinning.

  "Whatever," You grumble, and turn to the toaster. Four more squares of toasted bread leap from the machine and you put them on the plate with the others.

  "Good morning, boys. Do you like pancakes?"

  "Yes sir, Vantas sir," Dave says, and you peer sideways at him. He has a weird look about him this morning, and you can't quite put your finger on it. He seems a bit nervous, actually. Maybe he dropped that shitty cool kid façade? He is much quieter than usual, too. Well, whatever it is, you think it would be rude to question him on it. So you shut your trap and begin to set the table. Dave, who has been to your house numerous times, jumps up to grab plates and glasses while John sits there awkwardly. When you lean over him to put a fucking pancake on his plate because you are nice like that, he gasps.

  "You wear glasses?" He asks, and everyone looks at you. Kankri already knew this, and Dave knew you wore contacts, but everyone-even Ampora-seemed surprised.

  "No, asshole, I just like putting stupid fucking squares on my god damn face. Now shut your mouth hole before I shove a banana down your protein shoot," You snap, turning red from embarrassment. Dave claps a hand on your back, smirking.

  "Don't make that face, Egbean. It could be good practice," Dave says and plops in the seat next to John. You would bet that Dave winked and you couldn't help but grin maliciously.

  "Did you guys put good use to those condoms?"

  "You know it, Karkles. Used about ten."

  "I hope none broke, I would hate it if John got pregnant before high school was over."

  "Excuse me?" Kankri intervenes, looking mollified. You just give him a quick smile before sitting down and shoveling food down your throat.

  "We didn't do anything of the sort, Mr. Vantas," John hisses, glaring at you and his boyfriend. Ampora chuckles and retrieves himself a glass of water to keep himself busy, and Kankri is glaring at you. He looked as if he couldn't decide if he wanted to strangle you or pat your head for always thinking of protection. And think of it you did; you have an orange flavored and even a normal condom stuffed in your backpack right now. You admit that you hope that you and Harley go to the next level, but blush at the thought. You are such a fucking virgin, and you aren't sure if she is. You would like to be her first, for more reasons than one. You would like to be the first one she shares such an intimate experience with, yet you also hope she is a virgin that way she doesn't laugh because you are. Of course if she is or isn't won't change how much you love her...but god, what if she has already finished the deed and when she sees how inexperienced you are, she makes fun of you? Oh, shit, what if it isn't pleasurable for her because you totally suck at sex and she has had better? Or what if you just fail completely, whether she is a virgin or not? STOP OVER THINKING THINGS, GOD DAMMIT.

Everyone finishes breakfast, Cronus leaves, and you and Kankri split ways to hop in your own cars. His is a sweet cherry convertible that always has the top down, where as yours is the same black Mercedes you have had for three years. Kankri is always buying a new car, and you wonder where he gets the money considering he has a shitty job as a high school biology teacher. Dave hops into the front seat beside of you, but he is turned to the side so he can talk to John. You are left to your own thoughts again-per usual-and you keep over thinking. Aside from the possible intimate night you and Jade will share, what if something else goes on? What if the dinner reservations get mixed up or something and they don't let you in? What if someone gets food poisoning? What if she doesn't want to be seen with the likes of you? You are a shitty excuse for a boyfriend, and you know it. You bet she does too, but since she is such a caring, wonderful, beautiful person, she doesn't break your heart and that is why she is still with you? Fuckfuckfuck stop thinking about this, _please_.

  "Hey, are you okay?" John asks, and you meet his gaze through the rearview mirror. Instead of lying, you pathetically shake your head.

  "Well, what's wrong?" Dave asks, raising a thin blonde brow. You let out a frustrated sigh and pull over to the shoulder. The tardy bell doesn't ring for another hour, and it takes five minutes to get to school, so you think you can take a breather for a moment without worrying that you will be late.

  "It's mine and Jade's five month anniversary today," You begin, looking at your lap. You feel stupid and pathetic, confessing your feelings to anyone but Jade, "And I just...what if nothing goes as planned?"

   "You really do love her, don't you?" Dave murmurs and you can tell it is just a simple question rather than his usual mockery. You nod and exhale slowly.

  "What do you have planned?" John asks curiously. Your face turns red and you pick at your nails.

  "Well, don't laugh," You warn, and your friends nod in promise," I wanted to walk around the park until the reservation at her favorite restaurant is open-or what-the-fuck-ever. And then we were going to, ah, you know...." You trail off and look out the window, and both John and Dave get what you are implying.

  "Okay, so where are you two going to do that?" Dave asks seriously, and you stare out the window at the haze that blankets the road. The fog is heavy and leaves thick droplets of water all over everything.

  "I don't know, I heard about a really nice hotel from Kanaya and Rose, I just, I'm not, I don't know how-Uhg, God Dammit, fuck this." You snap, and start the car again.

  "Are you a virgin?" Dave asks, still serious.

  "Are you?" You snap quickly, your face bright red.

  "No." You look at Dave with surprise, the color draining from your face. Oh, _God_ , you fucked up _again_ , didn’t you? Oh, you hate yourself so fucking much. He just shakes his head.

  "I think I know what question you are about to ask, and I would appreciate it if you would ask who it was with. To ease your mind, no. It wasn't consensual." That doesn’t ease your mind at _all_ , and frankly, it makes you pissed to think that someone would do that to your best friend.

  "I hate myself for having all of these problems," You murmur, waiting for a car to pass before you get back onto the road.

  "Don't hate yourself, and don't think your problems matter any less than mine. Yeah, bad things have happened to me, but that doesn't mean shit right now. You need help with this, right? Advice?" Dave asks, and you wince at the road. You turn on the blinkers and take a sharp right.

  "I guess. Do you know...could you tell me, you know…about _romantic_ sex?" You ask, pulling into the gas station. Dave nods as you pull up to a free pump. After paying with your debit card, and pumping the gas, you hop back into the car and Dave gives you some tips. Even though John said he is a virgin, he even pops in advice, too. By the time you get parked in the student parking lot, you have a bit of new and helpful information.

  Information that you hope you can use successfully tonight.

**Be Dave== >**

 

You grab your math textbook from your locker and book it to first period with Karkat. You both make it inside and you choose a seat beside the blind kid, Terezi. Karkat sits beside of you and the bell rings, but the teacher is MIA.

  "Hey, TZ," You say to Terezi. She tilts her head, not actually looking at you, but her eyes gazing in your general direction.

  "Hey cool kid, hehehe. Where have you been?" The girl giggles, and you give her a lopsided grin. You have been friends with her since third grade. It was fourth grade when she went blind, and you only have Vriska Serket to blame for that. Yeah, you all were kids, and it was just a silly game of truth or dare. You remember that Vriska dared Terezi to shine a laser pointer in both eyes for the rest of the game. You suspect that Vriska knew that would make her blind, yet Terezi didn't know.

  "Ah, just around and about, you know? What about you? And where's Aradia?" You ask. Aradia is kind of Terezi's helper. Aradia helps Terezi get around (even though everyone knows that Terezi doesn't need much help navigating-the girl is super human or something and knows _everything_ ), helps her do her homework, helps write notes, you know? Terezi is hardly ever without her trusted friend, and that concerns you. Terezi rolls her clouded teal eyes and sighs quietly.

  "She is at the doctors or something. Word is that Sollux had gotten her preggers several weeks ago at a party. Fucked right in the DJ booth when they were both too drunk to even think clearly," Terezi giggles, and you balk at her.

  "What? Is she showing or something? I saw her this weekend but couldn't tell...."

  "How in the hell am I supposed to know, Dave? I'm _blind_ , remember?" Terezi snaps, and now it is your turn to roll your eyes.

  "Oh, shove it. You know that you can see better than anyone in this god damn school."

  "Haha, you may be right about that. Anyways, no, she isn't showing. At least not that anyone could tell. She just missed her period or whatever. But it isn't unusual for a girl's period to have changed its cycle date or whatever. Mine comes on the third, usually, but last month it came on the eighteenth!"

  "Oh, god, that is gross; I don't wanna hear about you bleeding for a fucking week, okay? If you can bleed that long and not die then you are Satan spawn."

   "Oh, please. You would kill to have lady parts. You know that you want a period, even though they are fucking _God awful_ ," Terezi whispers, and you see Karkat smirk from the corner of your eye. You know what Terezi is hinting at, and you wonder how she knows. You have never really expressed to anyone about how much you wish you were a girl, well, not that you wish you were a girl, really, just that you weren’t a boy, maybe? And as said before a long time ago, it isn't that you feel like you were born in the wrong body-you don't necessarily want to be a transgender person...okay, so maybe you have thought about it a little bit. Uhg, okay, that isn't the point though! You mean you like being a boy! But sometimes make up is great, and so are skirts! But that doesn't make you a transsexual, right? Or does it...? You like being a boy, there are many pluses to being a male, but you think it would be kind of cool to be a girl....

  "Why so silent, Dave?" Terezi taunts and you startle. Karkat looks at you with worry, and you just glare at him. You hate the way he looks at you, now. John didn't look at you like that when he found out that you were abused. He talked to you like normal, asking appropriate questions and comforting you when you seemed out of it...but Karkat looks at you like he can't say _anything_ without breaking you. And you don't like that.

  "I was silent because I was confused about something," You admit, and Terezi raises a pretty red brow.

  "What about? Anything I can help you with?" She gives you an excited smile and you shrug before remembering she can't see that shitty noncommittal gesture.

  "I am confused about transsexuality. I like the thought of being a girl, but I also want to be a boy, yet I don’t know if I belong as either…does that make sense?  Any words of wisdom on what I could be?" You ask, and a few heads snap in your way. Karkat's jaw hits the floor and his eyes bug out of his head behind his dorky glasses. Terezi's mouth forms a perfect pink 'O' but she doesn't seem all too surprised.

  "Hmm, do you feel like you are a man?" The question takes you by surprise, but you decide to think on it for her sake.

  "Well, no, I guess not-"

  "Do you feel like you are a woman?" You stare at her if she has lost it, and you see more than a few people listening in curiously.

  "Err, not exactly, no...."

  "Do you feel like you apart of a third gender, then?"

  "What, that doesn't make sense!" You snicker, laughing at her. She musters a glare and pulls off her red spectacles.

  "I am being serious, Dave," Terezi snaps, and you stop laughing at her," What I am asking is, are you okay with being associated with _both_ genders? Neither of them at all?" You think about it for a second and smile a little, liking the idea and how it seems to fit.

  "Yeah, actually. I do," you murmur, feeling a bit warmed in the heart when thinking about it.

  "You do what? Prefer both or none at all?"

  "Well, since I can't seem to be either, then none at all."

  "Well, you are not a he or a she, but a they/them? If you like that one, better, of course."

  "Is that...a thing?" You ask tentatively, embarrassed that you know nothing about this sort of thing. Terezi gives you an encouraging smile.

  "Dave, you silly. Of course it is a thing! Most call it Gender Queer. Here, look it up tonight on the internet and see if anything qualifies to you. If not, come back tomorrow and we will continue to figure it out together, okay?" Terezi asks, and you feel exhilarated. You hear a few people mutter behind you but they give you curious looks rather than malicious glares. You are so excited by this new information and turn to Karkat with a grin. He was still giving you a stunned look, and looked even more flabbergasted when you asked to borrow his phone.

  "Why?" He asks, but he is already fishing it out of his pocket.

  "So I can look it up now! I want to know if it applies to me," You breathe. He mutters something about you using your own god damned phone but he puts the little android in your hand regardless. You swipe the screen to unlock it and quickly go to the browser. After a few minutes of looking at forums and the like, you find the perfect website to help you out.  At that moment, a substitute teacher walks into the room, apologizing for being late, and sticks in a movie. But you don't watch the movie; instead you research the gender queer thing to see if anything applies to you. And boy does it.

It is so much easier to explain it this way. Of course you don't know much about being gender queer or non-binary as some say. There are actually many names for this particular topic, and some forums even say that it is an option to be a transgender person. You gather as much information about this as you can, but you still aren't sure if there are rules to any of this. Are there rules to gender? You hope not, because you feel half and half. Masculine and feminine, but at the same time, you feel like neither. You let out an involuntary sigh and Karkat glances at you. At least you are closer to figuring out about yourself. Okay, for now, you think you will just ask for the they/them/their pronouns, as they are much more natural for you. You will use them until you figure out more about this androgynous thing.

You give the phone back to Karkat and give him a broad smile, which he returns in that grumpy way he has. Soon, the forty-five minutes are up and everyone is speeding out of the class. You try to stay back and help Terezi, but she waved you away and wished you luck, which was really kind of her. So she is accepting you, hell, more than one person does, actually. You see Gamzee at the end of the hallway and when he said "What up, bro?" You blatantly told him about what pronouns to use. He gave you a chill grin and rephrased to "What's up, friend?" Now, not just Karkat and Terezi, but Gamzee too. When you get to your locker, you excitedly tell John the news, even though Kanaya, Jade, Rose, and Eridan Ampora stand beside of him. They all accept what you say.

  "I am so happy that you are finding out who you are," Rose murmurs, smiling sweetly at you. You thank her and look at Jade, who was bouncing on her toes. When you make eye contact she launches herself at you and wraps her arm around your neck.

  "Oh, as long as you are happy, so am I! I support you!" She giggles, and then quickly let's go to hug onto Karkat. Eridan just congratulates you, which is a surprise considering you never talk to him.

  "Thanks, man," You reply, and he gives you a soft smile that almost seems out of character for the hipster douche.

  "They/them, pronouns, please," He orders politely, and you smirk and high-five. Maybe you were wrong to judge him-ahem-them so quickly. Maybe they aren't such a bad person after all. You suddenly feel like you have made a new friend, and as strange as that is, your heart swells. You are accepted by people who matter to you, and you aren't alone in this, either. John laces his fingers with yours and kisses your cheek. A few people that you don't know stare at you guys but keep walking. Nothing to see here, guys. Just the gay couples, the straight couple, and a hipster. Oh look, the clown and a cheerleader are walking over here too. See, just a bunch of friends, keep walking, dudes.

  "Hey, Eridan!" The cheerleader greets, and you recognize her as Feferi Peixes. A beautiful girl with light brown hair, freckles, and a tall stature even without the heels on. She mimics you and John by folding her and Eridan's hands together, and gives John a smile.

  "Thanks for the English notes you let me borrow last week, John. After some studying, I actually aced the test! Yay!" She cheers, and you smile. You have never felt so elated in your life. John scratches the back of his neck and laughs.

  "You're welcome, Feferi. Now, since I lent you English notes...Do you think I could borrow your French notes? I can't seem to get the hang of that dumb language! None of it makes sense and it looks like a bunch of gobbledygook, and we have a test on it on Wednesday!" John complains, and Feferi just smiles. Then she fishes around in her bag and pulls out a notebook and hands it to him. As soon as that happened, that was like a domino effect. Everyone then began complaining about tests and classes they were failing, and notes and wise words were passed around like a blunt at one of Gamzee's parties.

  "Hey, Rose? You take Sex ED, right?" Karkat asks, and Rose nods at him. You smirk and everyone turns to stare as he goes red in the face.

  "I am not doing so hot in that class and I was wondering if I could borrow your notes?" He asks a little too loudly, and a gaggle of girls at the locker beside of yours begin to giggle.

  "Sure, Karkat," Rose says suspiciously, but pulls her bag out none the less.

  "Uh, Karkat?" Jade asks, pulling away from him and raising a brow in confusion. Karkat freezes and glances at her.

 "Yes, Jade?" He asks, and tugs at the collar of his shirt.

  "You don't take Sex ED." Everyone chuckles and stares him down, and his face heats up.

  "Uh-Uh, sure I do! Haha, it is in between first block and third block," Karkat says quickly, and you roll your eyes.

  "No, you have Chemistry with me, remember?" Jade amends with confusion. You throw your head back and begin to laugh, and Karkat glares at you.

  "Shut the fuck up, Strider," He snaps at your, but you are too busy splitting your stitches to listen to him.

  "Karkat, if you don't have Sex ED, then why do you need my notes?" Rose asks curiously, and Karkat pouts.

  "Why not?" He asks weakly, trying to glare but failing miserably.

  "I suppose that you have a point there. You may borrow my notes, but I can't promise there will be something helpful in there that Dave or Kankri hasn't already told you," Rose says, handing Karkat a bunch of papers stapled neatly together. Karkat's face is blood red, his cheeks filled with air, and an intense look in his eyes but says nothing to defend himself as he grabs them and swings his bag off of his shoulders. In doing so, he knocks a package out of a poorly zipped front pocket. You know what that package is, and so does everyone else.

  "Are those condoms?" Eridan asks incredulously. Karkat is so embarrassed that he looked ready to cry, so you swoop down and pick them up with a smile.

  "Hehe, yeah. They are mine. I gave them to him this morning so they would be safe. You see, my backpack was in my locker so I had no where to put them without getting caught. Thanks for being a great friend, KitKat," You say, and open your locker. You weren't lying about having a bag in your locker, so you quickly shove the protection in your smallest pocket. Everyone (except John and Karkat, of course) believes what you said. When you shut your locker, Karkat looks incredibly relieved and when everyone goes their separate ways, he hangs back to get his condoms and say a brief thank you. You just tell him good luck and walk John to class.

  "That was really nice of you, Strideer," John giggles, and you chuckle back at him.

  "Hey, I know how it feels to be ridiculed and humiliated. I was just trying to save the poor kid, you know?" John nods and when he reaches his classroom door, he stares at your interlocked fingers and then at your face.

  "Meet me back here before biology?" He asks and you give him a broader smile.

  "Of course, Egbean. Where else would I go?" You ask dramatically.

  "To class," He deadpans, and you laugh lightly.

  "I'll be right here before you get out of the classroom," You promise, and quickly bend down to kiss him. He blushes intensely and looks around with a bashful smile. He whispered something about PDA and before you can retort, he stands on tiptoe to kiss you back. You smirk into his mouth and wrap your arms around his waist. You would have bent down a bit to help him out but before you could, he darted into his classroom with a girlish laugh. You pout, wishing the kiss lasted longer.

 As you had promised, after English, you met him right there and kissed him in front of everyone because you didn't get enough last time. And no one gave a single damn when he kissed back and then pulled away to walk hand in hand with you back to your lockers to grab his text book.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //Okay, first of all, I don't want to make Eridan a totally hated character like he is in most fics. Yeah, I know he deserves a bit of dislike, but not all the time, you know? I actually really like his character, and I think that for once (well, in a fic that doesn't completely revolve around him/otp) He deserves to finally get the girl. So he gets her:)  
> -  
> Second: A lot of you may be a bit confused as to why Dave is sorta (very) OOC...I want this story to be relatable. How? By relating a lot of this to me. No, I am not abused, but I am going through a lot of things Dave does. Feeling like no one accepts me, I take six different medications bc i am unhealthy as fuck. I have heart problems, anxiety, a tumor behind my knee (not big enough to worry about, I assure you), and just a lot of other fucked up shit. I am having trouble transitioning into who I am because of my family, and just the normal every day shit where I fuck up in the class room, at home, and with friends. So I am sorry if this persona Dave is taking on is weird. I am trying to keep him as "cool kid" as possible, but with a story like this...it gets hard, you know? :/ So I am sorry about that crappiness right there.  
> -  
> Third: I just wanted to tell you guys that I am a transegender person. I go by the name of Hunter-Evan (Hunter, Hunter-Evan, Or just Evan works fine. You can refer to me as my screen name or HG, too, if you wish) And I also wanted to say that Dave has it easier than me when it comes to acceptance on that. I have lost many friends when I told them I figured out who I really was, and they were weirded out. My family are straight up Christian, so really? I have no one to...talk to about this sort of thing. I sort of have to figure things out on my own and that really sucks. No one seems to understand, and the one person that does lives in a completly different state. So It sorta sucks for me, but hey; Dave will have some friends to help him along, I guess.  
> -  
> Also, if you are even still reading, The hotline will soon come into play, which kinda makes me sad to think about. I like writing sad stuff, but at the same time I don't:( Oh well. AND!!! ALL FIFTY STATES ARE LEGALIZED FOR SAME SEX MARRIAGE YAY!!!<33333 Congrats to America:) When I move out of the house and can get away from the people who repel me, I can move anywhere I want without having to worry about equality (Yeah, I know that some people will still discriminate. Whatever).  
> -  
> Well, that is all for that, guys! Sorry for typing out so much, you didn't have to read it if you didn't wanna. Sorry if you /did/ and didn't want to, lol. I hope you guys enjoyed, I love you all very much! If you ever need to talk to me about things, have my email( homicideandglitter@gmail.com) I promise I won't bite, and I will try to help in any way I can. If you don't wanna chat over email, There are the comment boxes /below/ and I don't mind to chat there either, I ALWAYS answer back. Remember that a comment a day helps with all that stupid writers block and gives me motivation /and/ satisfaction. As stated before, correct me if I am wrong about the gender stuffs~ As long as you aren't mean about it and keep it constructive, things will work more smoothly and things will get corrected. I love you all, my Perfect Purple Bumblebees. Stay perfect, and I will see you next time. HG out!~ <333


	12. Karkat: Do the sexy thing;) ==>(or maybe not so sexy...)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, Dave gets in trouble in biology, He does arts and crafts in Art 2, Karkat goes on a date, and Karkat becomes unvirgin (that is /totally a word, stfu), and the author doesn't know where boundaries for smut are when it comes to teen and up audiences lie! Next time on: what in the hell am I reading :D  
> (Spoilers: glittery condoms, seemingly pointless arts and crafts[that wont be pointless later], and not really sex but almost sex like what even is that happening?)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //...So, first, Nepeta is made to be kinda obsessive in this fic. n^n I'm sorry Nep.   
>  Second, There is almost smut? Like, I went back and deleted a /lot/ of stuff because I remembered the rating, but I still wanted to include the action bc I am a perv and why not? So, if you are a bit weirded out(not that my works should be good enough to make you uncomfortable), I have put a line at the beginning of the "smut" and after it is finished, that way you can happily skip over that if you feel inclined to do so...But if you /dont/ want to skip it, please be kind with what you read because -A) I have never written smut for *other people to read*, and -B)I have most certainly never written /straight/ "smut". So please don't make fun of me, I never practice writing this stuff.>_

**Be** **Dave Strider== >** 

 

        You sit beside John in Biology, perched on your desk. Kankri has barked at you at least three times to get down, but you keep telling him how you couldn't be bothered to do so. Eventually he had given up and just continued his lecture, and he soon gave out the class assignment; More arts and crafts. This time, you get glitter. Halfway through the class, the freshman girls had sprinkled themselves silly with pink, blue, and gold sparkles. The boys are dumping it in each other's hair and fighting with it, and you and John are the only two to not act like fucking morons...well, that is until you find one of Karkat's flavored condoms in your back pack. 

  "Oh, look at this!" You cheer quietly, showing john. His face scrunches up and he leans back over the project to sprinkle the glitter on a drawing of an atom. 

  "What? I seen them last night, what else do you want me to say?" John hisses, looking around nervously. You ignore him and open it, much to his disdain. 

  "Dave!" John whisper-yells,"What the hell are you doing! You're gonna get caught!" You just smirk and hop off of the black table and lean secretively over the sink. You attach the opening of the condom to the faucet and turn on the water. The yellow banana flavored condom slowly fills with water. 

  "Think of the pranks, Egbean.   _The pranks_!" You trill, and John looks at you like you have lost it. You have never been one for pranks, that was always John's shtick. But you think it would be fun to lob this at someone. You pull the rim of the condom off of the faucet and turn off the water. Before you attempt to tie It, your eye catches the sparkly tubes in front of John. He sees where your eyes are directed to and a grin spreads across his face. 

  "Well, as long as you are going to prank someone other than me...." John trails off and reaches for the purple glitter. The container is about five inches and sealed, so once you pop that bitch open, you dump at least half of that into the water balloon. When the condom is yellow and purple and jiggly, you tie it and then hand it off to John. 

  "Who is our victim?" You ask, and he bites his lip in thought. You think that is incredibly cute so you quickly lean forward and kiss him. He yelps, pulls away and falls out of his seat. You are laughing until you see the water balloon bounce out of his hand and wobble-roll towards Kankri's desk. You both are wide eyed with terror as Kankri stoops to pick it up and inspect it. Everyone is silent and stares with wide eyes until a Freshman girl with a blue kitten hat raises her hand. 

  "Purrfessor? Is that a dildo?" The girl asks incompetently, and you nearly fall out of  _your_ seat from laughter. Kankri stares at her and glares. 

  "No, it is not. I would very well appreciate it if you wouldn't ask questions like that. If you haven't noticed-which I  _am_ sorry if you haven't- this is biology, not sex ed. Ask your sex ed teacher if you are really that curious." 

 "Yeah," You say, interrupting him, "A dildo doesn't look like that anyways. Especially not the kind most men and women are buying these days!" John nods with a smile. You think you found the person you want to prank...or taunt a little. 

  "Yep! Dildos come in many shapes and sizes and colors, but that right there? Is a condom." John says matter-of-factly. Kankri's eyes get even bigger and he stares at the foreign object in his hand. 

 "Yep, and it is a used one," You lie. There are many giggles and gasps, and Kankri's pupils get incredibly small as he looks at it with horror. 

  "Who-who used it?" Kankri asks, and you are on the verge of laughter. Most teachers wouldn't ask that question, they would just freak out and start screaming at everyone. Of course, Kankri isn't your normal teacher. 

  "Karkat?" John says, although he sounds like he is asking a question.  _Now_  Kankri screams. He throws it so hard that it hits the ceiling and actually busts; The glitter-water drenches the girl with the cat hat and the glittery, damp rubber falls on her shoulder, and she shrieks....but she doesn't shriek for the same reason you thought she did; she is actually flipping out because, and you quote, "omg! Karkitty used this? I am the luckiest girl ever, to be sprinkled with his magic dust!" You are in tears when she says that, and you have your head against the desk as you laugh. That's right, that’s the sweet, little cat girl named Nepeta or something. She is actually a real sweetheart, but she has a crazy obsession with Karkat. 

  "Who did this? Tell me who did this!" Kankri is shouting, his face on fire and his voice hoarse. The bell rings and you and John book It, laughing like  couple of middle schoolers. You run down the hall to your lockers, where Karkat and Jade are talking about who knows what. They see you running down the hallway and when you meet them, they ask what is going on. In short, butchered sentences, you and John take turns tell the two what happened.   

  "Who's name did you say?" Karkat asks at the end of the story, and you and John trade looks before giving him an innocent smile.  

  "Karkat?" John says, and just like before, he sounds like he is asking a question rather than answering one. Jade gasps before irrupting into a huge giggle fit while Karkat looks undecided as to whether he wanted to strangle the two of you or laugh. He sighs and shakes his head. 

  "Kankri is gonna kill me when I get home tonight," Karkat grumbles, and you smirk. 

  "So you won't be staying the night?" You ask suggestively. Karkat gives you a confused head tilt before he scowls and turns completely red. 

  "Ugh, God dammit, what does it matter to you?" Karkat barks, blushing the deepest shade of red you have ever seen. You smile at him and shrug before realizing Harley is blushing as well. Oh, so it looks like the two of them are planning this together, and that Karkat isn't planning on kidnapping her. That's nice. 

  "Yeah, aren't you gonna stay?" Jade whines, and you bite your lip to stop from smiling. Karkat's eyes bug out of his head and he takes off his glasses to clean them with his shirt; presumably to look busy and avoid eye-contact. 

  "I am going to kill you, Strider," Karkat snaps, and you and John just laugh. Before things could get more awkward for anybody, the five minute bell rings and you and John are running to Art 2. You aren't much of an artistic person, but John, Rose, and Eridan take this class, so that's a huge plus right there. Upon entering the spacious room, your eyes spot the tall, lanky form of Gamzee Makara. The art teacher, Ms. Paint (what an Ironic name), gives you and John a smile when you walk in. She is your favorite teacher by far for she is incredibly nice and very pretty. She has ivory skin, she's a little round, and the most sparkly blue eyes. You don't have to be straight to have a teacher crush on her, and you know you aren't the only one. Even John swoons over her a little bit! 

  "Good morning everyone!" The teacher cheers, then cautiously looks at the clock (as she does every day) to make sure that it is still before 12. Satisfied, she clasps her plump little hands in front of her chest and nods. "Today, we will be painting the masks we have been creating!" You look over at John with confusion. 

  "We have been making masks for awhile now, you just haven't been here," John whispers, and you nod, almost sadly. John smiles at you though and points to a delicately shaped mask across the room. It has been carved from clay and wood, and over the eye piece is a thinly carved gear and cog. You look over at John with confusion once more. 

  "I worked double time to make you one, too. I thought you would like to be included when you came back to school," John answers your confusion with a soft voice, and you beam at him. 

  "Here," Ms. Paint continues, motioning at the Makara boy, "I have brought in one of the most excellent painters in the county! He has actually won several awards in many art shows around town, and he will be here to give you tips on how to paint the masks-if you need help that is! Now, grab your masks and get to work!" Ms. Paint concludes cheerfully, and you stare at the tall clownish boy with hidden surprise. You didn't know he was into painting anything other than his face, and he catches your stare with one of his own. John had hopped up and ran to grab his mask and the one he made for you, leaving you alone when the clown lumbers up to you. 

  "Hey, my wicked sibling. How are you all up and feeling?" The guy asks, plopping in front of you at in empty seat. You smile sheepishly, glad that he remembered how you felt about the pronouns. 

  "Cool, I guess. Would be better if I'd quit running around the halls and laughing so much," You reply, and run a hand over the place where the bandages on your stomach cover the stitches. Gamzee laughs as if you said something amusing while John drops the masks on the table and runs off again to grab paint, brushes, water and aprons. 

  "That's great, friend," Gamzee says, giving you a kind smile. That smile makes you wonder why you were ever scared of him, and you purse your lips for a moment. 

  "I just wanted to say thanks for, ah," Your voice lowers hesitantly before faltering embarrassingly. Gamzee nods, knowing what you were about to say. 

  "No need to thank me, I was just tryna help a person out, you know? I must say, that fight was some serious wicked bitch tits, you know?" Gamzee whispers back, his disturbingly purple eyes glittering, "so exhilarating! I must admit that I would have gladly killed English off if it wasn't for the fact he was Calli's bro," Gamzee grumbles ruefully, and you are reminded suddenly of how scary he can be.  

  "I didn't know Caliborn's last name was English," You grumble, but a new question popped into your head, "Actually, how do you know him? Was it through Calliope? How did you meet her?" You inquire, and John sits beside of you. He heard the questions you were asking and seemed as curious as you to hear the answers. Gamzee snickers and motions for you to put on your apron while he opens the three bottles of primary paints. He pours decent amounts onto the plate when you are done and Gamzee hums thoughtfully. 

  "I actually met Calli through Caliborn. It was a sort of drug run, you see? He asked for some conspicuous drugs so I laced up some mother fuckin' lollipops and after he payed, I ran into his sister," Gamzee explains, and you raise a brow. 

  "What, he found your name in the phone book and hoped you sold drugs?" You ask, strangely calm about the whole drug thing. John dipped his brush into some royal blue paint, and you figure you should get to work as well. You mix the red and yellow to create a deep orange-gold, and then you mix that with the red to create a sort of rust color. 

  "Haha, no. We went to school with the English's, remember?" You raise a brow and shake your head, and he smiles knowingly. 

  "Ah, that's right, you guys came after me. I was a freshman when they were seniors. I failed a year due to some...stuff," Gamzee amends, and you nod. You three are quiet for awhile while you paint. You paint the cogs, the gears, and the coils that are carved around the clay eye holes a rusted color, adding golden and red hues as well. The lower half of the mask is completely blank and made of wood, and if you left it the plain white color it already is, you suppose you would look like slender man with eyes and a nose. But you paint that part black and attempt to create the illusion that the mask was broken and beneath the wood and clay was clockwork. Gamzee helped give you pointers and tips before roaming around the room to help other kids.   

  Hand cramping and almost done, you pear over at John curiously. His mask is like something from a masquerade ball. It covers his eyes then turns into a half-faced phantom of the opera sort of thing that would cover his right cheek when wearing it, but is a charming blue and white. There are intricate swirls and twists and carvings, and a brilliant mixing of blues and whites and hints of purples and reds at the edges. The mask is very beautiful and his long thin fingers work deftly to color a pretty picture. John has always been extremely artistic, in more ways than one. He was surprisingly good at writing, has exceptional piano playing abilities (He can play guitar, too, if inclined to do so), and he can even make really nice arts and crafts.  

  "That is really pretty," You admit, and John startles a bit, but his practiced hand never wavers. He gives you a sheepish but proud smile. 

  "Thanks, it's nothing though. I am more proud of carving yours," He answers, and then actually looks at what you had painted on the mask. He smiles and points to it. "Yours looks awesome, though. I like how you took my clockwork idea and went even as far as actually making It look mechanical," He encourages, and you roll your eyes. 

  "Do you think Ms. P will have some silver and gold paint?" You ask, and John shrugs, looking a bit mystified. 

  "Not sure, just ask her maybe?" And with that he turns his concentration back to his mask. You smile and ruffle his hair, but he ignores you. You slide out of you stool and walk up to Ms. Paint, who gives you a fond smile. 

  "Hello, my dear!" She says happily, and your mood mirrors hers. 

  "Hey!" You say enthusiastically, and then blush. You need to stay cool, Strider! "Uh, I mean what's up? I was wondering if you have some silver and gold paint I could borrow?" You ask, and the young woman gives you a crinkly eyed smile. 

  "Certainly, just wait right here!" She says, and moments later, she hands you two one liter bottles of silver and gold paint. You thank her and return to your seat. John gives you a curious look, smiles a bit, and dips his brush in the purple paint he created. You pour the new paints onto your paper plate and set out to wield the smallest brush you have. An hour later, just ten minutes before the class ends, you have gone to lunch, came back and finished your mask. You bashfully present it to John. 

  "Holy crap!  That looks amazing!" He cheers, and you blush. Where there was black you had created at least three small clocks with the silver paint, and around the eye with the gears poking out, you had created a busted clock with golden numbers. It really isn't as great as Egbert is making it out to be, but you feel warm in the heart when he praises you. His is much, much prettier than yours ever will be, so you try to give him even better and more deserving compliments than he is giving you. In the end, though, you both have to clean everything, shut up, and put away the masks for grading. 

  The bell rings and it is time for the last class of the day, and then soon, you and John go out to the teacher-student parking lot and hop into Kankri's car since Karkat is getting a jump start on his date. Kankri questioned you and John about class today and then proceeded to chaste the both of you about it, but in the end, he let up on his lecture when he realized you were just trying to be happy again after all of the shit that has happened recently; which wasn't a complete lie, either. 

**Be Karkat and start your date== >** 

 

  You are KARKAT VANTAS, and your heart is slamming in your chest. You have never been more nervous about anything ever, and it isn't just about the plans you had  _later_  tonight, it had to do with the entire date. You have already thought restlessly all day about all of the worst case scenarios, and tried as you might to think about all the good things, you just kept coming right back to the bad things. So right now, you are in the driver's seat trying to get out of the school parking lots, and Jade is sitting beside of you, finding your nervousness to be "cute".  

  "Karkat, this isn't our first date, you shouldn't need to be so nervous!" Jade says in a reasonable tone; she still looks amused, and even more so when you scowl. 

  "I know, and I get nervous about  _every_  date...but this one is more special," You whine, staring frantically at the guy who just fucking cut you off. You think about rear-ending him, but that would solve nothing. 

  "well, I get that...uh, heh heh, later tonight will be special," Jade says with a blush, giving you a small smile. You blush too and glance over at her, momentarily distracted from the sudden on-slaught of school traffic. You reach over and grab her hand, which she firmly holds.  

  "It isn't just about that, though. This whole day needs to be perfect," You grumble, glaring at your intertwined hands. 

 "Why?" Jade presses, and you lift one shoulder in attempt to make it look like you aren't really that worried. 

 "Because this marks the five months we have been together-half a year-and when a full year comes around, that will be an even bigger deal. I want days like this to be really special," You reply, and Jade takes her free hand and lifts your chin. She forces your slate gray eyes to look into her leafy green ones, and all your worries melt away...until an asshole behind you honks the horn. You tear away from her and open your door, ready to go back there and beat the shit out of the mother fucker for ruining the moment.

  "Ugh, Karkat, no! He isn't worth it, get into the car!" Jade complains , grabbing your arm and pulling you back into your seat. You sigh in aggravation, slam your door shut, and speed away from the school. The rest of the ride is relatively normal. You both talk, she sings along with songs on the radio (a few of which you quietly join her), and you occasionally flip assholes the finger when they cut you off or are just obnoxious pieces of trash. You reach the park just when you hoped you would, and the two of you take a stroll in the mid-autumn wonderland. 

  You walk hand in hand with the girl you love on the red cobblestone trail around the orderly park. Orange and russet leaved trees conceal either side of the path, and branches swoop low to touch the trees across from them. The air is cool yet humid and a gentle breeze curls Jade's hair around her face every now and then. She would constantly push her hair back with her glove clad hands, but to no avail. In your opinion, you don't find it cold enough to need gloves, but since she used to live on tropical islands (up until last year, actually) she often would talk about how she missed home and the heat and being able to run around in dresses without worrying about getting cold. You decide to help her out and ask for a hair tie. She gives you a confused look and hands you her small hand bag, saying that there should be one in the front pocket. You dig out the little green hair tie and then hand her little purse back to her. She stuffs it into her hoodie pocket and stares at you with confusion when you tell her to turn around. 

  When she has her back to you, you begin to comb back her long hair until you can successfully pull it into a pony tail. She is thrilled and thanks you with a kiss, and then teases you lightly and saying to you are actually a big softy. You try to glare at her, but she is so cute that you decided to let it go. You can afford to not be tough when you are with her. You continue to stroll along, buying her a latte when you come across a small coffee booth jammed comfortably in between two trees on the right of the path. You sit at one of the three tables and she sips her warm beverage with a smile, occasionally asking if you wanted some and then pouting when you declined; which causes you to take a hasty sip anyways to appease her. After she finishes her drink and tosses it into the trash can, she stands up and smooths down her denim blue skirt. The skirt goes to her thighs but to keep warm, she has a pair of black leggings underneath to protect her flesh. She wears tall tan lace up boots with a soft fur inside and a white and brown fur tipped lining at the opening. She has her signature blue and white long sleeve shirt with the cheesy atom on the print, but that is hidden by her black hoodie with the strange squiggles arranged in a circle. You are glad she isn't as dressed up as you thought she would be, yet she is still more attractive than you any day.  

    You sigh and grab her hand again and lead her back into the direction of where your car is parked. 

 

**Karkat: Finish dinner== >** 

 

  You and Jade finish your dinner and when you are both in the car, you sit in a slightly awkward silence. Then, brave as always, she types into the GPS the address to the little hotel you two will be going to. Last night, you had looked up the hotel's website, and you were quite pleased with the reviews. It is actually a love hotel, but it is embarrassing to say that....Anyways! The hotel was moderately priced, had a four and half a star rating, and the people who worked there was apparently really nice to all couples. There was no gender restriction, race restriction, how many to a party restriction, and no age restriction (Unless it was like, a teenager and a really old person>_> That may cause a phone call to the police because of pedophilia and the like). There were several types of rooms and each one looked really nice, so you actually made a reservation to one you think Jade would like. 

  When you reach the hotel, you and Jade both bring bags inside. With clothes, necessary items for bathing, and of course protection, you walk into the building with a blush, and Jade is hugging your arm with an even deeper blush than yours. You trudge up to the man at the front desk and he gives you and your girlfriend a welcoming smile. 

  "Uh, room for Vantas, please?" You grumble, trying to avoid eye contact. The man chuckles and types the name into his computer. 

  "First time coming to a love hotel?" He asks and you nod once. The man smiles again and reaches a hand out to you. You give him your license and he matches it up to the data on the computer, and then he asks for your credit card number. You were glad last night when you saw there was an option to pay when you are at the hotel rather than online, that way you could have backed out at any time without wasting money; and believe me when I say you had thought about skipping out on this several times today. The man hands your debit card back to you and gives you a key. 

  "Here you are, it's on the top floor. Good luck, you two, and have a nice night," The man says with genuine kindness. You just look away and Jade thanks him before you walk into the direction of the elevators. You make it to the room in no time and you are both soon inside. And, boy, is it beautiful. 

  "Wow," Jade murmurs, dropping her bags in surprise. Her eyes well up with tears and she gives you a wobbly smile. You focused more on Jade's interests than yours, which happened to be her home on the island. There is a huge circular bed in the middle of the room, against a wall made of a gigantic mirror. The bedspread is a forest green, and the bed posters were made of very a very light wood. Vines tangle and wrap around the posts and against the canopy of leaves. Pink flowers on vines dangle over the bed, and a few flower petals are scattered across the blanket. The floor is a mossy green carpet and in orderly piles on the floor are decorative rocks and fake gems, and there is a small bench made of mossy logs at the end of the bed. There is a forest like wallpaper and a small button on the wall that you curiously press. You expect a ridiculous disco ball to fall from the ceiling, but instead a soothing sound track of birds and water falls plays somewhere in the room. The ceiling is painted black and has twinkly little lights that mimic stars, and on either side of the room are bathrooms labeled "His" and "Hers" respectively. The room was definitely worth the money you spent, and Jade seems to really like the theme. 

  "Thanks, Karkat," she whispers, and picks her bags off of the floor and heads to her bathroom with a smile on her face. You grin to and head to the your bathroom as well, hoping to take another shower to rid the day's smells that may linger on your skin. You shower, put on fresh clothes, nearly talk yourself into running, and then work up the courage to come out of the bathroom. Jade walks into the room the same time you do, and you are less guilty knowing that she looks like she was about to run for it as well. You both meet in the middle of the room, and you look her over. Like you, she had put on fresh clothes, a bit more revealing, though. A button up green shirt and a pair of silky, dangerously short shorts to match. You blush and bite your lip, your tongue wetting your dry lips. You walk over to her, kiss her forehead, and lead her to the bed where you both sit down. 

  "If you, uh, don't want to...you know, uh...we could just play a movie on my husk top," You mutter bashfully, giving her the option to back out and escape. 

  "I want to, Karkat...if you still do, that is," Her voice goes up an octave and the corners of your mouth pick up a little bit. 

  "Believe me, I want to," You breathe, and then your face lights on fire and she is giggling at you.  

  "Can I ask you a question?" She asks, sobering up. You nod quickly and notice that she is picking at her fingers rather than looking at you, "Okay, have you ever done anything with anyone before?" She inquires, her words coming out slowly and clipped at the ends. Your heart beats quickly and you place your hand on her cheek, tucking a stray lock of hair that had fallen from her pony tail. She smells pretty, like lilies and roses, and despite her bath, she has that normal earthy smell about her that you love, the one she constantly keeps from a whole day's worth of gardening. 

  "I have never had, err, well, I'm still a virgin," You grumble, and her eyes meet yours, looking relieved. 

  "Thank god, so am I," She sighs, and you feel a little weight come off of your chest. 

  "That’s great, but would it have mattered if I wasn't?" You wonder, and she shakes her head. 

 "No, I just didn't want to seem inexperienced," She answers, and you laugh breathlessly. 

  "And here I was thinking the same thing," You chuckle," About you thinking that about me, of course," You amend gruffly, and she giggles. She sobers up quickly and you feel her cheeks heat up again. 

  "So, uh, how do we start?" She asks, and you give her a crooked smile. 

  "Fuck if I know," You reply, and she gives you a fierce glare. 

  "Real helpful, fuckass," She grumbles, and you chuckle and lean in to kiss her lightly on the lips. 

  "I think we should start by kissing, and then make natural progress," You murmur, and Jade agrees quietly against your lips. 

* * *

 

  Jade presses herself against you and wraps her thin arms around your neck. Your kisses go from light, fevered, and then needy. Your hands hold her hips and hers knot in your hair. She tugs at the black locks at the nap of your neck, and shivers run from the crown of your head and tingles to the bottom of your spine. Jade swings a leg over you and pushes you slightly, and you let her dominate you (for now) so she can be the one in control. You want her to know she still has the option to leave if things become to much for her or if she feels she isn't ready. And to be perfectly honest, it is kind of hot to have her straddle you like this. 

  Her pretty tan hands move from your neck and down to your hands on her waist. She grabs one while she licks your lip ring and she brings it up to her left breast. You take that action as an okay to actually get a soft grip on the plump object under your hand, and you squeeze it gently. She sucks on your bottom lip and pulls away to tug at the hem of your plain white tee-shirt. You help her take it off and silently ask if it is okay to take off hers too. She nods bashfully and you use one hand to pop the buttons swiftly, and she gives you an impressed look when you manage to not break any of them, or the mood for that matter. You use both hands this time to actually take off her shirt. You start at Jade's shoulders and push the green fabric slowly down her arms. With bashful pride, she sits on your stomach and thrusts out her chest a little bit. 

  She then reaches back and attempts to clumsily unclasp her bra, and with a tiny smile you reach behind her and unclasp it for yourself. Jade lets the final barrier between you and her chest fall between you, and she tosses the bra aside. She wasn't sure how to react, and honestly? Neither do you. You just know that she is really fucking beautiful, and you do not wish to admit that the sight of her half naked gets you a little aroused and dirty minded. But, you try to have respect for her, and allow her to make the next move, rather than letting your thoughts take action. She reaches up and pulls out her hair tie, and beautiful ebony locks fall over her shoulders and wrap silkily around her pretty breasts. You wished you had a camera, she is so god damned gorgeous. Jade sees that you  aren't sure if it was okay to touch her, so she takes your hands once more-both this time-and places them on her breasts. You give them a light squeeze and admire the handful of warmth and flesh; not too much, not too little, perky and very pleasant. You notice her close her eyes and bite her lip, and you worry. 

  "Is this okay?" You ask quietly, and she opens her eyes a bit to nod hesitantly. 

  "Y-yeah, it feels kind of pleasant," She answers with a tiny blush, and both of you become more confident with that statement. You carefully flip her under you and she squeaks in surprise, but just looked more thrilled. Your thumbs run circles around her nipples and you press hot, open mouthed kisses on her neck and collar bone. She begins to pant a little bit and she shudders beneath you. When her nipples are formed into an aching point, she is actually shoving her chest into your hands for more. Jade squirms as your kisses fall lower until they reach the swell of her right breast, where you exchange your hand for your mouth. You testingly lick her nipple and she makes a funny little sound that she tries to hide. You gently drag your teeth across her sweet flesh and your free hand-the one that isn't occupied by her other breast-roams her body, trying not to touch places that are still out of boundaries. You take a hold of her soft rump, run your hand smoothly over her thighs.

  When you have roamed enough to satiate one hand, you switch breasts to softly kiss, please, and lick the one that has been left unattended, and Jade is squirming even more under you, sighing very softly. Soon, you believe it is okay the roam further down pass her naval, and when your tentatively run your hand over the crotch of her shorts, her nails dig into your back and shoulders. You gently rub in between her legs through her silky shorts, and she whimpers. At first, you believed she was whimpering because she was uncomfortable, so you stopped; but when you halted your actions, she let out another whine and rubbed against your hand once more. You rub a little bit faster and she wiggles beneath you and pants more quickly. 

  "Too hot in here," She whispers huskily, and you see the hidden meaning behind her words; I need more so take off my clothes. You blush at the thought of having her completely naked and beneath you, so you pull back and tug at the silky shorts.They give against her hips and slip easily down her thighs. You push her legs closer to her so you could pull the shorts off, and then you eye her pink underwear with curiosity. 

  "Take off your pants first. It feels wrong for you to be so dressed when I am almost naked," Jade complains, and you nod and give her a small smile.You take off your pants with help from your girlfriend, who said that you deserved help after you helped her. You don't say that you think she was just anxious to get your clothes off. Before you fling your pants carelessly across the room, you pull  a condom from your back pocket and lay it on the bed. Jade eyes it but turns back to you. The two of you silently agree to just pull off each other's underwear at the same time, even if it is lame and totally virgin of the both of you. So, you both stand up next to the bed and she just giggles like a Japanese school-girl as she quickly throws her arms around your neck and briefly hugs you. Then, the two of you separate a bit and she grabs her panties, and you grab your boxers and just...drop them. And as virgin and lame and embarrassing as it it, you both stare curiously at your most private areas. She is beautiful, of course, and you are just getting harder looking at her.  

  You grab her up into a hug and then push her softly onto the bed once more, and lean over her. You kiss her forcefully, trying to show how much you love her through your actions. You kiss her while your hands roam, trying to keep her distracted and not scare her. Your fingers stroke her damp nether regions, and she moans slightly into your mouth. You push a finger inside of her, marveling at the warmth and velvety slick walls of her vagina. Jade gasps in surprise when you add an extra finger to stretch her out, and when she assures you that she is okay, she bucks her hips against your hands, trying to get more friction. You chuckle lightly and kiss her neck, telling her in between finger thrusts how much you love her, how beautiful she is, how you cant live without her, all things romantic and some things dirty, and then repeat. 

* * *

 

  The night is well spent, and the hotel has served it's purpose. After you both have sex, she brings you to her bathtub and you both clean off and toss bubbles at each other and sip the grape juice from wine glasses (juice instead of wine considering the hotel management knows that you are both under age) and just soak in the bath water and enjoying each other's company. You see that she is noticeably happier after sex, and she just keeps smiling. Now that you both know what to do and how it works, neither of you are all too embarrassed when you both get out of the tub, dry off, and then go for another round that you didn't think you would be up to. 

 

**Be Dave== >** 

  It is probably eleven at night and John had just finished his trigonometry and English homework. He is now curled against you on the bed, mindlessly playing with a blown up condom while the two of you watch shitty movies together. 

  "How do you think Karkat and Jade are doing?" John suddenly inquires, and you slap a hand to your stomach when a sudden sharp pain ripples through your abdomen. You shrug and look around the boring walls of the guest room. 

  "They are probably fine. Hopefully Karkat took our advice and didn't scare the ever loving shit out of the poor girl," You say, and chuckle darkly. You see John roll his eyes and he stares at the TV screen with a small smile. 

  "Yeah, I bet they are fine," John murmurs, and you rub his arm without much thought, "I wonder If Kankri knows that his nephew is doing the deed right now?" 

  "Well, after the condom incident, I think it's wise to just stick with the story that Karkles is playing with the Makara's," You joke, and John rolls his eyes again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //Like, Okay, I know the part with kk and Jade is weird, and I tried to match the mood as well as I can: Two virgins in a love hotel, not exactly sure what to do and what not to do. And it was poorly executed and shit, but just kind of...don't hate me? And if there are to be any super smut like scenes in the future (which I honestly doubt there will be because I can't /write/ them) They will be near the end of the story.   
>  also, I am hoping something less anticlimatic will happen in the next chapter(meaning something dramatic >:] ). And yes, you guys are probably like  
>  "This is a suicide hotline fic! It's a Pepsi-Cola fic! Why is there crappy straight sex and why are you writing about it? where is this and that?"   
> Well, here are some answers. The suicide Hot line can't happen straight away because I need to make Dave more depressed (hehe, I am a horrible person), so I just need more things to happen that will lead to that. Second, the karkat and Jade thing will come into play, and the ideas I have are violent and I hate myself for thinking about them...Jesus, I hate myself. *smh* So, I know that none of you have outwardly said this, but some of you may be wondering all the same. So just please forgive me and let everything fall into place~ See you guys around, and I love you all, my perfect purple bumblebees!<3


	13. Dave: Break and tell ==>

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Today is a /very/ bad day for Dave. It is always November 15th! So, Dave breaks down, has an anxiety attack, a panic attack, and is completely depressed and embarrassed. So far, it looks like he won't be able to keep his secret much longer, but he hopes the people he tells will keep his secret as well, until he is ready for the world to know.  
> \---  
> (SPOILERS/WARNING: This chapter talks about Rape and Attempted Suicides! It is not very /descriptive/, but it is still there! ALSO, there is a LOT of self loathing to come!!! You have been warned!)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //Hey everyone, long time no see*sad sigh* Sorry I have been gone for so long, I have been in another state. While I was away from computer access, I have been using the so fucking TRUSTWORTHY notebooks app on my phone to type up some chapters, and when I had a wifi connection, I sent the drafts to my email so I could fix things up and then upload them on ao3. So vvvv sorry for lack of update, it has been killing me!!! This chapter is kind of weird, I had written most of it at three in the morning, on a phone, while sleep deprived. I am so sorry if this doesn't live up to your expectations or some shit.  
> Anyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter!

**Be Dave Strider== >**

 

You are awoken by a soft knock on the door and then a light shining in your eyes.

  "Good morning, boys. It's time for school so I suggest that if you want a ride with me, you will get up now," Kankri greets from the door way. You keep your eyes squeezed shut but nod in response. Kankri leaves and you take that as your chance to open your eyes, and you look around a bit disoriented. Curled up at the end of the bed is John who rubs his eyes sleepily. The TV is still on from the movie you both watched, and there is popcorn bags scattered on the floor.

  "Morning," John yawns, and you grunt at him. He chuckles and gets up to find his glasses. He finds your shades first and tosses them at you. They hit you in the chest and you raise your hand to catch what isn't in the air. John giggles at you and jams his spectacles on his face.

  "A wee bit slow this morning, huh?" John asks. You make a disgruntled noise again and stick your shades on your nose, yawning again. You had a pretty shitty time sleeping; you had two nightmares, and after you had fallen asleep again at about three, you had a night terror. You dont remember it very well, you just remember lying in the bed paralyzed while shadows flicker and blood dripped down the walls. There were whispers and taunts, and you kept imagining that the shadows were actually Dirk. The night terror didn’t last long, but you didn’t fall asleep until five because of how scared you were….scared that Dirk had come for you. And then you realized it was a night terror, and you feel back to sleep, and was awoken at…You look at the alarm clock, and it flashes 7:45. Great.

            Today is November 15th, and although that doesn’t sound like an important or relevant day, it is. Today is a day you always worry about, because every November 15 (or around this general time frame) you have the worst of luck, and some days, bad things happen. You absolutely resent this day, and already, you feel anxiety seething in the back of your mind, ready to be unleashed. You let out a long shaky sigh in disappointment.

John turns on the light and you flinch. Then, you just sort of sit there while he scampers around the room to find some clothes and his shoes.

  "It's going to be warm today, so I think you should wear a sleeveless shirt," John suggests, and you sigh and roll off of the bed. You trudge over to your duffle bag and look through various clothing items until something soft and comfortable looking meets your fingers. You pull out a pair of tight denim knee knockers and a light pink and custard yellow stripped t-shirt with a cog printed on the front.

John leaves the room while you get dressed so he can finish his morning routine, and when you are dressed and have your shoes on, you join him in the bathroom to brush your teeth as well.  You shoo him so you can take a piss, and when you are a little livelier you walk into the kitchen.

  "Good morning, Dave," Kankri says, and you repeat something along the lines of what he said.

  "A bowl of Apple Jacks alright?" Kankri then voices, and you nod at him and wipe the sleep from your eyes. Kankri prepares three bowls, and sets them on the table. You slide into the seat next to John and start munching on the cereal before it could get soggy. Unlike you, John seems to like his squishy so he rolls and twists the spoon around a bit. Kankri fixes some tea before sitting down to eat with you.

  "Are you okay?" John asks before spooning a mouthful of cereal into his protein chute. You shrug and give him a quick nod, not really in the mood for speech. John furrows his brow in thought and turns his gaze to the green bowl of mush in front of him. Everyone finishes their meal in silence, grabs their things for the day, and then climbs into Kankri's car.

            Oh, God. You didn’t take your fucking medication, _again_. Why do you keep forgetting to take all of that shit, _especially_ the one that helps with your anxiety? What about your anti-depressant? When was the last time you even _looked_ at that bottle? You have become seriously dependent on that medication, and you have a feeling that since you didn’t take any of it, today will be absolutely _dreadful_.

The top is down but it does little to stifle the humid heat of the morning. The air that whips your bangs around is warm and smothering, and you find your legs doing a little jig in anxious anticipation; you are beginning to feel sick to your stomach and the heat does you no justice. When the car comes to a halt at the student entrance, you leap out of the car and scuttle to the doors and run inside. John is telling you to wait for him, but you feel too sick. You make a bee line to the bathroom and when inside a style, you drop to your knees and hurl up everything in your stomach.  You hear John's clumsy feet clomping inside.

  "Dave?" John yelps, and follows the sounds of your demise into the stile you had chosen. He finds you sweaty, near tears, and hugging the toilet. You heave, you throw up, and you heave some more, and it doesn’t stop even when your stomach is empty. You puke up stomach acid that burns the back of your throat and nostrils, and even when you have thrown up everything, your body continues to shake and dry heave. John pats your back and says he will be back.

You are weak and panting when he comes back, and in his hands-bless him-are two bottles of water and a pack of gum from the vending machine. You shudder and flush the toilet, embarrassment creeping up on you as he helps you to the sink. You use the first bottle to rinse your mouth, gargle, then spit, and then drink when your mouth is clear. You stick at least three sticks of peppermint gum on your tongue and you slowly sip the second bottle of water.

  "Are you okay?" John finally asks when the breakfast bell rings. You cough and nod, and that compels John's disbelief and ends with him sitting beside you on the floor.

  "Are you sick or...?" John asks, twiddling his thumbs impatiently.

  "No, I am just," You cut your sentence short and jump up to head to the toilet again. You are bent over the commode again only to realize it was a false alarm. You sigh in irritation and turn away from the porcelain toilet to look at John, your face void of expression.

  "What is wrong?" John prompts again and you frown.

  "Just anxiety and stuff," You reply.

  "Anxiety? You must be pretty nervous about something to get sick like that!" John exclaims sadly, and you shake your head.

  "No, I haven’t really taken my anxiety medication since the hospital visit," you admit, and John's eyes flash.

  "The nurse said it was a dangerous medicine to suddenly stop taking, Dave! And you must be really nervous if you are getting sick either way," John hisses, and you take a moment to sip your water.

  "I just...today is, well, you know...well, actually you dont, but-"

  "Dave, seriously, what is going on?"

  "It's the triple anniversary," you say, and attempt to crack a smile. John stares at you and waits for an explanation, and when he doesn’t get one, he begins to glare.

  "For what?"

  "Well, fourteen years ago today, my parents died and left me with my brother. Seven years ago today Dirk made my life hell. And, finally, a couple years ago today I told Dirk I was gay, and that also happened to be the same day I was raped," You say this in a fake charming voice, and John just stares, unsure of what to say.

Before he could say something, a random kid you dont know walks into the bathroom, and you take that as your chance to escape. You dart into the hallway and run to the gym where most students sit and wait until first period. When you are safely inside the huge gymnasium, you weave through the hundreds of students to find a place to hide for a little bit and think. You find a spot behind the green bleachers and plop onto the dusty floor. You curl your knees to your chest, drink some water, swallow your gum, and then stick a new piece in your mouth.

You instantly regret telling John so much. Sure, it is nice to not have secrets, and to have someone you can trust in...But did you see his face when you oh-so-casually told him about today, November twelfth, the day that is always bad? Yes, you did see it, and his devastated look paled compared to yours.

You sigh and clench your teeth, your anxiety beginning to get to the best of you. Your chest is tight and it is a bit hard to breathe. John doesn't want to hear all of that stupid shit that happened to you! You bet he just wants his normal friend back, that he regrets ever becoming your lover and hearing about your stupid problems. He probably thinks you're hideous, a gross stupid worthless freak.

And he knows about how you were raped! He probably thinks you are a nasty slut, doesn't he? Well, you deserve to be thought of that way, even though you didn't want to have sex with some asshole who was older than you. You do deserve what happened; you had it coming, considering your clothes basically begged for you to be fucked.

You had worn a pair of really short basketball shorts and an unbuttoned black shirt. It was hot; you had just woken up on the mid-morning of Sunday. You had gone downstairs, walked into the kitchen, and muttered a hello to Dirk's new friend, Caliborn.

After some cereal, you told Dirk about your feelings towards John, and he yelled and threw things; they taunted you. Caliborn asked something you didn't hear, and Dirk agreed. Whatever he asked, you know it had something to do with the fact that he wanted to take your virginity.

Caliborn was taller than you at the time, skinny but stronger, his words were jeering and rude and he hurt you mentally and physically. Dirk sat in the kitchen while Caliborn chased you into the living room and pushed you on the couch. He Hit you, broke bones, and ripped your favorite shorts. You remember that at the time, he still had both legs and not a gold prosthetic one. You remember, because he kicked you and called you foul names. 

It hurt, you remember. His hands were rough and his nails long; he was too big and your ass too small. His teeth cut your flesh wherever his mouth went, and his fist often was shoved in your mouth to quiet your shouts of pain and disgust down. He pulled at your hair, sometimes thick wads would tangle in Caliborn's nails. In the end, you were bruised, bloody, sore, and that was just your physical state. Your mental state was much worse, and horrible thing is, when Dirk came into the living room after Caliborn was finished, your brother told you to get up and go to your room; you were grounded. That was worse than the activity itself-to have your brother not  _care_  about what happened.

  "He's over here!" Someone voices, and you feel more than see people crouch around you. You have tears flowing recklessly down your cheeks, and you are gasping for air. Apparently, while going down memory lane, you had started to have an anxiety or panic attack of some sort. You shake and shudder and gasp and choke. At some point you swallowed your gum, and thankfully you didn't inhale it or something. Your water bottle tipped over and the remaining contents coat your shoes. You still don't know who sits around you.

  "Dave, Dave? Calm down! C-Can you hear me?" A higher pitched voice calls, but the girl the voice belongs to sounds far away. You sob louder and you are hyperventilating. You are starting to feel a bit dizzy, and the voices aren't doing you any justice as you try to follow the direction they are coming from.

  "Dave, listen to me, it's going to be okay! Calm down!" That voice belongs to John, but you can't figure out where he is crouched. A hand lands on your Knee, and you  _know_  it is a touch of comfort, but you shout in fear anyways.

You are scared and confused; your mind lingers on the horrible things of your past and resurfaces, mixing with your present. Your head bumps one of the bleachers landings as you scoot backwards, away from the shadows, the stair like seats descending lower and lower. The voices are still saying your name and telling you to not be afraid, that everything is alright and you need to calm down and to come back to them. You still can't see, and you blame it on crying, the darkness from under the bleachers, and your protective shades.

  "God Dammit, Dave!" One of the voices yells. Karkat, maybe?"I'm getting a teacher, this is fucking stupid! He is being a baby"

  "Fuck off, Karkat; they are having a bad day!" John snarls back. You curl up again and try to push the memories away.

  "So? Sitting on the dirty ass floor under the fucking bleachers isn't healthy, no matter how bad his day is!"

  "You just don't understand!"

  "You're right, Egbert, I  _don't_  understand! Care to enlighten me?"

  "It isn't my place to say what is wrong, but that doesn't mean that you have the right to be a fucking dick! And do you think you could use the pronouns Dave asked you to?"

  “What? Why would I do that? I have known him as a boy for a long time!”

  “Karkat, that’s so mean! Dave _asked_ you to use those pronouns!”

  “Oh my fucking god! Who gives a _fuck-_?”

  "Boys, shut up!" The high pitched voice snaps.

  "But Jade,"

  "Don't even think about talking back to me, Karkat! Go get a teacher right now, do you hear me? And find one who can help and not fuck our friend up even more!" Karkat just hisses in reply, and you silently thank Jade. You see shadows crawling towards you, and your heart pounds but you attempt to stay calm. The worst of the anxiety is over, but you continue to cry hard enough to shake and jolt.

  "Dave?" A tentative voice whispers, and it belongs to the shadow crouching over you. You think it is John, and in your head, you apologize over and over.

  "Dave, it's okay, you're okay. Please, come back this way so we can help you," Jade chimes somewhere behind John. You are saying something, but the words don't really connect with your brain or your ears, so to be honest, you aren't sure what you are saying; you just know you are repeating yourself.

  "Dave, why are you apologizing?" John asks, and it clicks. You aren't saying sorry in your head, you are saying it out loud. Oh God, how embarrassing. It’s bad enough that someone saw you during a panic attack, but now everyone is sure to think you are crazy.

John pulls you away from the bleachers and close to the wall, where you find Gamzee and jade standing unsure while they wait for you. John stands up, expecting you to stand as well, but you lean against the wall and lay your head on your knees, and you hold your legs tight to your abdomen. Your chest is hurting, and you constantly wonder if you have even taken your medication or antibiotics the past two, three days. Your stomach also stings, but the stitched stab wounds are pathetic next to all of the emotional hurt in your life.

  "Hey, I have Kankri," Karkat shouts, running back to the bleachers. You flinch at the sudden movement and loud sounds, but you stay curled against the wall.

  "Dave? Karkat says you had a panic attack? And that you seem fearful because of some sort of past you had? I will not question what happened then or now, but I would like your permission to take you to the nurse's office. I am sorry to say that your permission isn't actually needed, as it is mandatory I take you anyways, I just want you to have ease of mind that you can still have a say in things, even though you actually dont-"

  "Fucking God, Kankri! Stop being a contradicting bastard and help Dave!" Karkat shouts, elbowing past Kankri to get to you. You screech when he grabs your arm roughly and tries to pull you away from the floor himself. You shout incoherent things at him, trying to push the kid away. He may be small, but he is strong, and it kind of scares you that he is being so violent.

  "Let him go, Karkat!" John shouts.

  "FUCK! DONT HIT ME AGAIN, YOU DICK CHEESE!" Karkat squeals and Kankri is shouting at everyone to shut the up fuck and to stop hitting each other.

  "Dave, I am taking you to the office," Kankri says in a soothing voice. Surprisingly sturdy arms wrap under your legs and around your waist before lifting you off of the ground. You gasp and clutch Karkat's uncle as he ducks under the bleachers and out into the gym. Many curious students had watched the oddity, and most of their jaws dropped when they saw it was you everyone was making a fuss over. Your friends try to keep up with Kankri who strides out of the gym without so much as a glance at the other students that clump together. Your head lolls over Kankri's arm and you stare at the ceiling with a broken heart. You are too tired for this shit.

Kankri walks into the guidance office as the bell rings, and at the front desk sits the ever beautiful Aranea Serket, the School's nurse and guidance counselor. She stands up and stares with worry when your group walks in, and you stare back. Your stomach is churning and your head hurts, but you aren't freaking out anymore. Your tears have slowed and your gasps for breath have become silent and steady. You still hate yourself and you still think of those nasty memories, but you aren't squirming in pain. If anything, you are now numb and bored and wish you were dead.

  "Hello, Ms. Serket. I have brought by Mr. Strider because he has had a panic attack in the gymnasium. He looked distressed and I personally think he needs to... _Talk_ , if you know what I mean," Kankri says, and you feel a fresh wave of tears flow hotly down your cheeks. Just great, now you are going to talk to therapist Serket, who, although nice, will probably talk more than you would get a chance to.  She nods and motions to her office, and you violently shake your head and try to get out of Kankri's arms.

  "Don't leave me alone, please," You snarl, thrashing until the man accidentally drops you.

  "Are you okay?" More than one voice panics, but you ignore them and hop off the floor. You dash to the door and you try to get past Gamzee to run out of the room. Gamzee wraps and arm around your waist and easily carries you in the direction of Serket's Office.

  "Don't worry, friend, we will come too," Gamzee says, and his voice is chilling and sounds like crunching gravel; not a welcoming sound in your state of mind. Your friends push inside after the small, thin woman, and Kankri says something about having to get to his first period or his students will wreck everything. He walks away and then you are shut in the office and stuffed into a faux Brown leather chair in front of Ms. Serket. Your friends stand quietly behind you and your heart breaks when you see Jade's eyes water.

  "Dave," Aranea starts testily, and you tilt your head to show you are looking at her.

  "Please, take off your shades. I already know your condition, so there is no need to feel insecure," You scowl but since she has a point, you take of your shades. The only other person aside from this woman who knew your secret was John, so your three friends are a bit alarmed.

  "I thought those were contacts," Karkat mutters, but no one says anything to him.

  "Okay, now spill it, what is wrong, Dave?" Serket asks, and you make a funny noise back at her, not sure what you are supposed to say. You feel a soft hand touch your shoulder and you look up at John. He nods at you to say what you need to, and you scoot over at point to the seat. He sits down beside of you and before he can completely get situated in the tight fit, you bury your head in his chest and make noises of discomfort. John's arms are around you and for a moment, you just steal his strength. You finally pull away and although he looks worried, he gives you an encouraging smile.

  "Okay," You whisper, your heart pounding as you look at Serket. She nods and has a pad of paper out, reminding you of a therapist although she is mostly just the school nurse. You take another deep, shuddering breath, and calmly start.

  "I was three years old, and my older brother was sixteen, I think. My parents died somehow, and he was forced to take care of me, which he didn't like. He always neglected me a little bit, but he still shared love and stuff. I used to think I was taken such bad care of because he was young and had No idea what he was doing," You start, and Serket leans forward with confusion. You tell your story with a steady voice, occasionally having to stop so you wouldn't start crying.

  "And then, for the first time ever, he hit me. I shouldn't have told him my sexual preference, it was wrong, and I was wrong and gross and I understand why he hit me. I deserved it, really. Anyways, he hit me across the face and left a bruise. We were both shocked and he went out and bought different kinds of makeup, trying to find something that would cover the first steps of abuse. At that point, it was only verbal abuse that turned into the occasional punch or slap."

No one interrupts you, and you sometimes hear jade crying, but you never look at her, you just stare at the notebook on the desk.

  "I told Dirk that day that I had fallen for my best friend," You glance at John, and his eyes get huge and watery, knowing where you are going with this," I told him and he got angry, angrier than he ever has before. He threw cups and chairs, sometimes the things he threw hit me in the face and chest. His best friend smiled at me, and do you know what he said?" You ask, and now your throat is tight and despite the tears, you make a point to look angry.

  "No, what did he say?" Aranea whispers, already horrified from all of the things you said.

  "He, he said," you look away with tears falling again, and make the mistake of looking at Jade. She is a little precious mess of tears and her watery green eyes make your heart seize up. You look at your lap instead.

  "He said 'Damn, you look good enough to eat, you fucking gay slut!'" You chuckle and John's hand is clenching yours so tight you can't even feel the pain of his nails digging into your knuckles.

  "That's horrible," Jade croaks, and bursaries her head in Karkat's chest.

  "And what happened next?" Aranea asks, and you let out a slow, hissing breath.

  "He took my virginity without my permission," You could probably hear a pin drop it is so quiet. You are panting with the effort to stay calm, "He did things that I said no to, and he laughed at me the entire time. My brother sat in the other room sipping his coffee and listening to me cry and scream," You snap, and you abruptly pull your hand from John's so you can hide your face as you cry.

  "And when that bastard left, and the dick I call my brother told me to get the fuck out of his face, I went to my room,"

  "What happened after...that?" Aranea prods again, sounding quieter than usual. You hold out your bare arms but make no eye contact.

  "My brother found me in a pool of my own blood three hours later. I was nearly dead," You shake your head in disbelief, and John groans beside you. You feel his head on your back when you lean forward, and you don't move in fear that he would; his closeness oddly comforting.

  "Was this the only time you attempted?" Serket asks, and you shake your head again.

  "Nah, I fail a lot. The knots are never tight enough and come unraveled, the blades never slice deep enough, the guns always miss, or someone Skype calls just as I attempt to slice my throat," you explain, and look over at John. He is crying and shaking his head, and again, you don't have the nerve to look at him. You tell the blonde the rest of your story up until this point, and ask her not to tell anyone because you have a plan and you want to stay safe. It took a lot of convincing and manipulation, but you eventually had gotten her to let you wait until you were eighteen and could sue or throw Bro in jail or something. Serket lets you and your friends sit in her office the rest of the day to heal emotionally, and no one really talks. Nurse Serket lets you guys watch _Finding Nemo_ and _Tangled,_ and occasionally she would pull you away to talk about the gaps in your story so she could get an understanding of what happened. She asks if you are staying with someone, and then asks if she should write a note of some sort and have you skip tomorrow-but only if someone was with you.

            Lunch came and passed, Karkat ran to Kankri and told him he was staying with Gamzee, and by the time he came back, apparently Gamzee had just planned a huge sleep over. In ten minutes everyone in the room was smiling again and planning the night. Gamzee told Jade to invite a bunch of girls so she has someone to hang out with, and when she leaves the room during the final bell before last period to find her friends, Karkat and Gamzee speed off to find their friends to come over and hang.

You and John stay curled in the chair, not saying anything. He has his head against your chest and even though you are both in uncomfortable positions in the small chair, you are both comforted by each other's presence. You are still silent when your friends come back and chat easily around you about the get together, and you quietly think about Aranea and how you hope she keeps her promise.

The final bell rings and Gamzee leads you guys out to the parking lot. Leaning against Gamzee's brand new, purple Dodge Ram is Tavros, who-once again-has a thick cast around one leg and an ankle brace around the other.

Tavros is a small Latino kid who grew up in Spain and France most of his life, and he is always breaking a leg or spraining his ankle. His English is okay, but he sometimes says things like "uh, I...I don't know what the English word is for it, but you know, the water horse?" "...a sea horse." "Oh, haha, is that what it's, uh, called? Sorry...."

  "Hey Tavbro!" Gamzee greets enthusiastically, and rather than the crunched gravel sound his voice had earlier, it is now reminiscent of ebony; dark and smooth and pretty when he speaks to Tavros, and you wish you could speak like that for John.

  " _Hola_ , Gam!" Tavros says cheerfully, running a smooth tan hand through his neatly kept Mohawk. He has red bangs, and you would bet that his cousin used him as a cosmetics Guinea pig again. His cousin is apparently a lover of hair styling and hair dyeing, and Tavros is often coming to school with a newly styled Mohawk or colorful hair.

   "Haha, what up, brother? You pumped for a wicked slumber party tonight?" Gamzee asks, and he sounds like an excited kid. Tavros rolls his eyes and gives him a cautious nod.

  "You know it, Gam. So, who else is coming? Vriska won't be there...will she?" Tavros asks, looking nervous as he leans heavily on his crutches to stumble closer to Gamzee. He misses a beat and trips, face planting into his boyfriend's chest. The two of them laugh, and you smile a little. Look at that, the perfect couple of boyfriends. Unfortunately for John, He is stuck with your dumb ass.

  "Careful, man. Nah, I didn't invite her. Anyways, Callie be there; She has a free night tonight and will be over at seven," Gamzee answers, and Tavros' face lights up.

  "Callie? That’s great! Did you call her earlier or something?" Gamzee nods in response, and the two chat a minute or so longer before Karkat and Jade run off to Karkat's car, and then Gamzee is pushing you and John in the back seat of his four door truck. Tavros is asked if he wants a ride but he declines, saying that his cousin will pick him up and bring him by later. John chats away with Gamzee on the way to the fucking  _mansion_ , and you continue to be silent, feeling as if you have talked enough for awhile.

  "Did you know what Karbro and Harley done last night?" Gamzee asks excitedly, and John mutters a yes with a giggle. Gamzee giggles back.

  "Well, now that they aren't virgins anymore, it won't hurt a thing for them to get mother fuckin' high together," Gamzee says, and you look at John with a peaked curiosity.

  "The last time they had gotten high, they had tried to have sex. They only ended up in their under wear and-keep in mind that they are across the room from each other-started moaning and shouting while running their hands through their  _own_ hair. After they messed up their hair, they ran at each other full force and started giggling, chanting 'sex!sex!sex!' like a bunch of idiots before playing ring around the Rosie." You stare at John, dumbfounded, and Gamzee and John both are in fits of laughter.

  "That dumb from doing  _weed_?" You ask, and Gamzee let's out an amused chuckle.

  " _'doing weed'_? You don't 'do' weed," he mutters with a grin, but you ignore him.

  "Haha, no, they also had a bit to drink. But even before the alcohol they were kissing a little too much and getting a bit Grabby."

  "Haha, yeah. Oh, Oh! Do you remember what Karkat done at the end of the night?" Gamzee helps, and begins to laugh so hard his hair was bouncing about and the car swerved a little bit. John looked confused for a moment before cackling.

  "Oh my fucking God, yeah!" John turns to you and you raise a brow over your shades to show curiosity again.

  "Karkat was so upset that we wouldn't let them have sex, then he went to the bathroom to masturbate," you give him a bewildered look, and John could hardly contain his giggles, "He came back out of the bathroom with a red bucket with his jizz in it. He gave it to Jade and said 'this is how we have children'!" You and your two friends are nearly crying with laughter as you try to picture Karkat doing something like that. The thing is that it is so outrageous and hilarious that you can't.

The truck pulls into the long driveway of the Makara Manor, the huge tan, stone home looms over the huge green lawn. Already there are a few vehicles parked in the carport, and when you see Karkat leaning against the hood of his car with Jade snuggled close to him, the three of you break into the uncontrollable laughter again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //Yo', I am probably revising/uploading the next chapter as we speak. Also, yeah, I know the whole "lets everyone cut class for the rest of the day" thing is really weird, but that sort of thing is actually aloud at my school. Well, not exactly, but you see, I had a very bad anxiety attack after being bullied by my ex girlfriend(fucking sucked) and the guidance/nurse person asked the principal to let me cut three class periods, until they were sure i wasn't gonna break down again and then faint or some shit...  
>  So, I figure that since /really/ bad things are happening to Dave, and his friends had to sit and listen...we are going to pretend that that was a traumatic enough experience to watch Disney movies. Don't fight me on this.


	14. Dave: Have a slumber Party to feel better ==> (part one)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After such a terrible day, Dave goes to a friend's house and has a sleep over with a whole bunch of his friends. He is pretty depressed about a lot of things, and in the end, John knows just how to cheer him up, but the reply John had gotten wasn't one he was expecting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //So, one of my many HeadCannons for Dave is that in his spare time(lol God tier pun kind of), He will learn another language. Like, he takes online classes and buys those DVDs and CDs, and downloads stuff onto his iPod to listen to. So, in this case, Dave knows a bit of Swedish. I am learning a bit of Swedish right now, actually, and like Dave-I am not fluent but I know several of the basics(but mostly bad words lololol)  
> -  
> Little reminder that tells you: Eridan and Dave use "They/Them" Pronouns in this fic, so don't be confused if someone refers to the two as "They/Them", okay? Okay<3  
> Enjoy this chapter!!

**Be Dave == >**

 

You crawl out of the truck and John follows behind. As soon as you get out, Karkat is jogging over to you with pleading eyes.

  "Dave," Karkat huffs and you just stare at him, determined to keep the cool you already lost.

  "Yeah?"

  "I'm just-look, I feel bad for what I said and did this morning," Karkat starts, but you just raise a hand and silence him. He looks crestfallen.

  "I don't care, Karkat. It’s not your fault that I'm an idiot who had a panic attack for no reason."

  "But you  _had_  a reason, dumbass-oh, sorry-"

  "It's fine. Don't stop being yourself just because you heard my life story. John hasn't changed since I told him, so why should you?" You say, and Karkat just glares as he always does when he doesn't get his way, and instead of giving you a long winded response about how you are utter Bullshit, he just sighs and nods.

  "Guys! I brought a movie, shall we watch it tonight?" Nepeta squeals and you look over at John.

  "Did you invite her?" You whisper, and he shakes his head.

  "I all up and invited Equius, and he brought Nepeta," Gamzee murmurs, hearing your quiet conversation. You nod and glance back at the small girl who sits on the hood of a huge blue jeep. She waves around a movie case and Karkat is compelled to check it out.

  "Oh, I love this movie!" He cheers, and Nepeta beams. You smile when Karkat waves Jade over and Nepeta looks broken hearted. You know it's mean, but you are glad Karkat doesn't notice Nepeta the way she wants to be noticed. Nepeta is too young for Karkat in your opinion, and Jade is happy with the short, loud mouthed idiot.

  John pulls you over to the jeep and greets Equius, who had just grabbed two heavy looking bags from the back. You don't say anything to the beefy sophomore, just nod and wave when he says a pleasant hello to you.

Your group of friends waits outside a while longer, chatting. A sexy red Chevy Impala pulls up in the long drive way, and when the car is parked behind Gamzee's truck, Tavros hobbled out of the seat, says something to the driver, and then limps over into Gamzee's waiting arms.

A flashy fucking violet  _Lamborghini_  pulls up and behind the windshield sits one of the richest couples in town, Eridan and Feferi. Eridan quickly jumps out so they can help their girlfriend open the door, and they both meet you guys as well. Eridan walks over to you and John and says hi, and you begin to chat with the couple while John speaks to Jade.

  "Hey, Dave," Eridan greets in a posh sort of voice, and you smile a little bit.

  "Yo."

  "So, you weren't in fifth today. Did you ditch?"

  "Ditching is healthy sometimes," you reply, and Eridan shrugs before wrapping an arm around Feferi.

You all walk into the house behind Gamzee, since the last of your party has arrived for now. Rose and Kanaya will run by at six, and Calliope gets off of her shift at seven or so. Everyone walks into the family room where a huge sectional couch takes up most of the far wall.   A flat screen TV sits on a mahogany entertainment center and Gamzee tells everyone to sit their bags around it and take a seat wherever they like.

Karkat and Jade take the first seat, and Nepeta squeezes beside of him, and Jade giggles; she must know of the freshman’s crush, and apparently thinks it's cute. Equius slides beside of Nepeta, taking the end of the couch. Feferi sits next to Jade and Eridan beside her; John squished beside of him and motions for you to take a seat with him, but you take a seat on the black rug instead, your back against Jade's legs. Tavros sits beside Eridan and Gamzee plops onto the. long part of the couch

Jade plays with your hair as Gamzee presses play on the movie he put in and Karkat is shushing everyone even though it is just a bunch of trailers playing. Everyone except for you have their jaws flapping as they talk, and you just stare at the TV screen, barely noticing what is going on. The movie turns out to be Adam Sandler's "Fifty First Dates", and when Lucy finds out for the first time that she has memory loss, the door bell rings.

Since you are on the floor, you offer to see who it is, and it turns out it is Kurloz (who got locked out), Rose, and Kanaya. Kurloz gives you that silent, creepy grin he gives everyone and the girls say a simultaneous hello. You wave them in without saying much and before you can close and lock the door, another car pulls up. It is lime green and it is all around an attractive car, just like the driver.

Like in some cliché movie, a very sexy, toned, high heel clad foot, followed by a super model perfect body steps out of the car. The woman’s hair is short, blonde, and curly, and her eyes match the color of her car. She locks the car doors with a click of a button and she strides up to the door, her pretty round face welcoming.

Damn, you don't remember your nurse being so fucking beautiful; and rather than feel sexually attracted to her, you instead wish you are as attractive as she is.  She is so freaking lucky. You sigh sadly and wave at her to get her attention as well as greet her.

  "Hi, Dave!" Calliope cheers, and you nod to her before pulling the door open all the way; the last of your party has arrived. When you shut the huge oak door you lead Callie inside, showing her to the living room she already seemed to be familiar with.  
    
  "Callie!" Tavros and Gamzee shout, startling their friends. Gamzee is off the couch first, and showers the woman with kisses. Before Tavros can be left out, Callie pulls out of Gamzee's grip and kisses Tavros sweetly on the lips, then has Gamzee create a cuddle puddle of polyamorous snuggles. The trio becomes very affectionate in a way that almost makes you jealous, and that makes you notice that  _everyone_  is being affectionate.

Rose has Kanaya; Eridan has Feferi; Jade has Karkat; and even though you are sure Equius and Nepeta isn’t an item, they are cuddled together in a way that suggests the strong male wishes they were. And you are awkward and too scared to show affection for your boyfriend when so many people are around. Rose senses your predicament and gives you a smug smirk. She seems to know everything, the sneaky bastard.

  "Dave, we are all making out with someone; don't feel uncomfortable to make a move on John," The blonde teases, and your face lights up. John is letting out embarrassed giggles and it seemed like there are too many eyes on you.

  "I uh, well it's not that I don't want, I mean we aren't together-no, wait I mean like he's over there and I'm over here..." You stop rambling when everyone is giving you this look that says "awh, how precious. Dave has never had a boyfriend before!" and it is really embarrassing. You scratch your neck nervously and watch as Eridan slides off the couch and drags Feferi down as well.

  "There, now you and your matesprit can cuddle too," Eridan says. Matesprit? Okay then. Eridan has a cocky smirk and you want to smack it off of that thin, smug face, but instead you the seat next to John.

  "Can we play the movie now? God," Karkat complains, and hijacks the remote controller. He presses play to continue where they left off, and you stare at the screen, suddenly too aware of John and his closeness. Uhg, come on! You guys kiss and hug and stuff all the time! You both watch movies together in bed and fall asleep clutched to each other's chest! Why does this feel like a first time thing, and why does it feel so awkward?

You feel a pinkie finger poke yours and you glance at John to see him grinning a little. You furrow your brow with confusion as he loops his pinkie finger with yours, and keeps it there. Somehow, linked pinkies feel better than locked hands. You smile and lift your hands as you scoot till your thighs touch. Then you set your intertwined little fingers onto his thigh.

You are taller than him, which had its advantages as he lays his head on your shoulder. It’s a perfect fit and you both seem to be comfortable. A few looks are sent your way, many look satisfied, and some are surprised, as if the people who looked couldn't believe you had the balls to be so close to your boyfriend.

Soon, the movie is over, and all the girls and for some reason, Kurloz, had skipped into the kitchens to bake cakes or some shit for dinner. All the boys joke around and throw pillows at each other(a war Gamzee started), and then everyone is wearing globs of face paint(also Gamzee's fault), and by the time the cake is finished and iced, you have all nearly passed out on the carpet, laughing and drinking Faygo. Everyone with face paint begin to scrub viciously before the girls (and Kurloz) come back, except for Gamzee. He doesn’t wash it off of his face because he seemed to enjoy it.

You toss the once-clean-sock you used as a rag aside onto your book bag, and think about digging around the bag to find your pajamas when the other half you your party waltz back into the room. Kurloz apparently stayed behind to cut the cake and find some dishes to eat on.

  "I thought you didn't like Faygo, Karkat," Jade states as she stands above said person. He looks up at her, then at his bottle of Cotton Candy Faygo, and then at her again.

  "It smelled good," Karkat says slowly, and you just snicker at him. Jade rolls her eyes and says something about the cake being finished, and everyone bounds up and dips down the hall towards the dining area where Kurloz is cutting a huge rainbow cake that smells fresh and warm and sweet. You are dragging John over to the table as huge slices are put onto plates, and you pull out a chair for him.

  "Why, thank you, Dave," John says with an attempt of an English accent. You nod at him and take a seat next to his. Cakes are passed around and eaten, but John barely nibbles at his.

  "Do you not like it?" Kanaya asks, speaking for the first time since she had gotten here. You look to John for his answer, while shoving a large fork full of sweet fluff in your mouth.

  "I do like it," John sighs, "I just don't eat cake much anymore. I used to eat it so much when I was younger, that once High school started, I just kind of...stopped?" It is true; John hasn't really eaten much cake in a long time. He says he likes to eat it only on special occasions now, especially since his dad bakes _all the time_.

  "Oh," Kanaya mutters, and turns her attention to Karkat, who is swearing up and down about something random.

  "Hey Dave, I was just telling Jade that you knew Swedish. Care to enlighten us?" Rose suddenly inquires, and you jump, not expecting questions directed towards you and most certainly not one like that.

  "Uh, sure?" You mutter, and everyone looks at you expectantly.

  “Uhm, _Hej , mitt namn är Dave_.” Everyone looks impressed, and you smile a little. You aren’t fluent, no, not at all. But you do know quite a few sentences and simple words and phrases. What you are most fluent in, though, are swear words and insults. Why? Hell, it’s fun to cuss someone out and they think you are just rambling like an idiot. After taking some classes online and using a learning CD you pop in your computer (although you are still working on both), you can safely say you could get around Sweden with simple things and not accidently piss someone off….Even though a good majority of Sweden’s population speaks English anyways.   “ _Tack för tårtan_.” You say this to the Girls and Kurloz, and they all share curios glances.  “What?” Rose asks, and you just smile a little.  “Say something else!” Callie chirps, looking thrilled. You stare at her for a moment, and then at your empty plate, thinking. What should you say? Another random, boring sentence?

  "What should I say?" You finally ask, and Karkat’s hand shoots up into the air and he waves it around, looking like an impatient school boy. You purse your lips to hide a smirk and point to him.

  "I want to insult someone!" He hisses, his eyes gleaming. You think for a second, and nod.

  " _Din jävla fitta_ ," You say casually. Karkat repeats it, but without much of an accent, so it sounds kind of funny. You smirk but nod anyways.

  "What does it mean?" Karkat asks, and repeats it again.

  "It means 'You fucking cunt'."

  "Holy shit that  _is_  insulting!" John squawks, looking mortified. Gamzee laughs as Equius spits water across the table and stares at you with horror. You grin a little bit, and Karkat says it again. Jade elbows him.

  "What else do you have?" He asks eagerly.

  "You only want to hear swear words, don't you?"

  "As long as I can insult someone without getting in trouble."

  
  "You mean Kankri?"

  "Yep."

  "Hmm," You sit back in your seat, trying to think of something reasonable. "Ah, I know."

  "Well?" Shorty asks impatiently. Everyone looks at you with amused curiosity (except Equius, but that's not a surprise).

  " _Så jävla irriterande_ _!_ " You say, trying to sound angry as you say it. Karkat looks at you in awe, which makes you feel kind of good.

  "What does it mean?"

  "So fucking annoying."

  "That does sum up that asshole," Karkat grumbles.

  " _Rövhål_."

  "Huh?"

  "Asshole in Swedish."

  “Fuck _yes_.”

  "God you are cool," John says in amazement, and you smile in response, and then your smile falls when he glares at you.

  "Hey, you said some of those words when we were running around the house!" John whines and in reply, you stick your finger in cake icing that coats your plate, and you smear it on his cheek.

  “Yes, I did.”

  "Hey!" He complains, and you tilt your head to give him your best, most innocent smile.

  "Hello to you too," You state, and John's irritation disappears and he smiles in approval.

  "Okay, it's fine since you are happy now," John says, rubbing his cheek with a napkin. Your smile droops a little, but you nod anyways and look down at your cake. Everyone seemed satisfied that you gave a tiny Swedish lesson (that you plan on restarting later), and return to their conversations. You would bet your last dollar that they only asked you something irrelevant like that so they could get you to smile. You bet they actually don't care that you know another language, hell; maybe they only cheered you up so John would cheer up. He is sad when you are, and thinking on it now, you realize how much of a horrible person you are. When you are sad, you make everyone else fall with you; like when you were telling Serket about all of that horrible stuff, Jade was crying. Your life made her sad, and that means  _you_  made her sad. You make everyone sad.

  "Thanks," you say this loud enough for everyone to hear, and you stand up.

  "You're done?" John asks, grabbing your wrist. You nod and pull from his grasp to walk back to the living area. You sit on the floor and lean against the couch with a depressed sigh. You just keep bringing yourself down and it is horribly annoying.

You close your eyes for just a moment, and you don't hear John walking into the room until he clears his throat and sits beside you. You open your scarlet eyes and glance over at him, a glance he doesn't see because of your shades.

  "Hey, Dave, I remembered something you said earlier when you were talking to Ms. Serket," John starts. Oh, goodie. "You said you thought you were wrong for liking boys, and that you deserved everything that happened to you?" You do deserve everything that happens to you. You deserve to be hit, you deserve the weird relationship you have with your brother; the relationship where he loves you for a little while before hitting you. You deserve all of the health problems, all of the failures, your bad luck. You deserve it all.

  "Dave, don't cry. I shouldn’t have brought it up, I just…." John murmurs, and you turn away, embarrassed because you didn't know you were crying in the first place. “I just want you to know you _don’t_ deserve any of it.” You stay quiet and continue to not look at him, feeling weird that people have been seeing you cry so much here of late.

  "Here, can I see your arm?" John asks, and you lazily lift your left arm and hold it out to him, while your right hand rubs behind your shades to catch falling tears.

You feel something wet, cold, and a bit pointy dig into your skin. You look over at John to see he had started drawing over your scars with a blue sharpie you didn't know he had. Your brows pull together in bemusement and you lean a bit to see what he was doing.

John is drawing  _music notes_ on your scars, as if he was writing on sheet music. There's the Treble Clef and the time signature, and a whole bunch of notes on each "staff", which happens to be a group of four scars. There are a total of eight scars on each arm, and when John has neatly placed a bunch of notes on your left arm, he moves to your other side to draw on your right arm. When he finished the notes on that arm, he draws one of those repeat bars, showing that whatever song is marked here, the tune would be played again before moving on.

  "What is this?" You ask, and your voice raises a pitch in the end. John bites his lip, and looks down at your arm, your hand in his, palm up. He draws a heart on the heel of your hand.

  "Just a piano thing," He mutters, coloring the heart in,” A small accompaniment I wrote for you." You let a soft 'oh' slip from your tongue, a bit confounded. A song, for  _you_?

  "There's a piano in the entertainment room. Can I play it for you?" John asks, not looking at you. His face is beet red, and you let out a soft laugh, feeling a bit better as you sniffle.

  "Is this going to turn into a  _Twilight_  thing? Are you gonna play the piano for me and then we play vampire baseball?" You ask, and John finally looks at you to glower in irritation.

  "No,  _Rövhål_ , We won’t be playing baseball," John barks, and you laugh again before standing. You hold a hand out to him to help him up, and when he is off the floor, he keeps your hands locked together. You are certainly okay with that.

  "Lead the way," You say, knowing that he knows this house better than you do. And he does; He leads you up the ever so grand staircase, past marble statues and thick drapes that cover Windows. When he pushes open the door that seems to be your destination, you are surprised. Entertainment room, your ass. This is a fucking  _ballroom_! You will never get over The Makara's fucking fortune, or their beautiful home and everything inside it.

John sits down at a white piano, and pats the bench so you can sit as well. He tells you that the notes on your arm are just the chorus, not the entire accompaniment, and most certainly not the whole song, either. First he plays what is on your arm, and if you thought that was pretty, you were stunned when John actually played the accompaniment behind it, then whole song.

The chords shook through your bones, reverberating through your chest at lower notes, but behind the ominous sound of the deep notes, there is an uplifting tune in the background. John gets into the song, closing his eyes and swaying softly as his long, nimble fingers find the keys. The song sounds like it is for you (which it is). Even without words, you heard that even though bad things have happened, there are uplifting things to help you along; a positive to balance the negative. And that positive is John.

You are shaking with very soft sobs at the beauty and meaning of the song; as silly as it is, it really moves you and you can't help but remember the good things for the first time in a long time, rather than bad things. After the song has ended, there are claps behind you, but you do not turn. Apparently, everyone heard the song drifting downstairs and came to take a look. You look at John and take off your shades to wipe the tears from your eyes. John smiles, seeing from your actions that you adored the song.

  "John, I..."

  "I'm glad you loved it," John interrupts cheerfully, and not in a way that sounded arrogant, just that he knows you think it's good, and it is.

  "No, I don't love it," You murmur, and John tilts his head, frowning.

  “You don’t love the song? I’m sorry-”

  "No, I love  _you_ ," You admit, and John stares at you with wide eyes, and you realize that is the first time you outwardly said something like that and meant it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //************IMPORTANT**************  
> (kind of)  
> *sigh* I will be going out of state again, but for a much longer amount of time. I can assure you, though, that since I will be very bored I will have typed a shit load of Chapters on my phone, and when I have wifi, they will all be emailed to myself. When I come back, I will have them all revised and the uploaded, I hope. Hopefully, I will actually have the rest of this fic drafted and when I update it all, the fic will be finished! But for those of you who like this fic, don't worry! I will most certainly have a sequel<3  
> Anyways, I love you all, my perfect purple bumblebees! Wish me luck in this new state!(I am trying to convince my parents top move there.....) bye!~


	15. Dave: Have a Slumber Party to Feel better part two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave feels better like he wanted to, he gets a bit of body art, its a win win for everyone:)  
> (Spoilers: Nepeta is creepy as fuck when she is high, tattoos are cool, and insults are weird. BEWARE.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //Oh. Well this was weird ;>_> I dont even mother fucking know what i just shit out and posted on ao3, but here you go. Sorry for taking a million fucking years; and sorry, but this is gonna be the only update tonight. I have had some problems with writing and storage space on my phone, and being in virgina with no friends while being stuck in a hotel room is pretty hard. I am happy we are moving states, but it has become difficult and time consuming for me. I hope more updates will come your way, guys.   
> (Warning: This chapter may be ungrammatically correct[see what i mean?], filled with speeling errors, and a sourle of fuck all. Enjoy you greedy bastards.)  
> (No, you arent greedy bastards, just-just read it, jegus!)

(Recap :   "John, I..."

  "I'm glad you loved it," John interrupts cheerfully, and not in a way that sounded arrogant, just that he knows you think it's good, and it is.

  "No, I don't love it," You murmur, and John tilts his head, frowning.

  “You don’t love the song? I’m sorry-”

  "No, I love  you ," You admit, and John stares at you with wide eyes, and you realize that is the first time you outwardly said something like that and meant it.

End of re cap)

Be Dave== >

Y ou have a very bad feeling after a moment of silence, one that is unhelpfully  awkward. Oh, you fucking idiot. You just  had  to tell him how you felt, even though you guys haven't been together long enough to say that sort of thing. Of course, you have always felt strongly about John, ever since Junior High, so you thought it would be okay to tell him  now  since your feelings have grown stronger. But he probably hasn't felt that way about you until recently, so your declaration of love was probably astonishing and weird. He probably even thinks that you are a clingy freak, which you try not to be. Maybe he thinks you are desperate or pathetic? No, he certainly thinks your are both, because you are. You little whore.

  "Shit, uh," You abruptly stand and put your hands in front of you,"Man, you know what? Ignore me. Sorry, just, I shouldn't have said that yet. Haha silly me," You say awkwardly. John looks at you with confusion,and you start backing away. You are such a fucking idiot, though, that you had tripped over the super-fuckin-long piano bench. You fall backwards, your left leg hooked around the chair. You sigh in aggravation and nearly start tearing up in embarrassment and denial when John begins to giggle. You scowl at him, about to say something like 'Thanks for adding insult to injury,' but he is leaning over the edge of the bench. He reaches out and grabs the collar of your shir t, where he pulls you up to kiss him.

Your eyes get incredibly wide and your face is warm as John's lips slowly move against yours. You finally react to his kiss and cup his cheek, your fingers curling into a fist near his ears and your thumb strokes under his glasses. You close your eyes and smile a little, pleased because this is the first time John has kissed you on his own accord with such confidence. His lips are sweet and soft, where as yours are probably chapped and this kiss most likely sucks for him, but he kisses you with no hesitation or reluctance and it is super nice.

John pulls away just as quickly as he began, and when he lets go of your shirt, you squeak  and fall backwards. You didn't even  think  of trying to sit up without help, so John was your anchor through the kiss. John just raises a brow and gives you a cocky smirk.

  "Are my kissing skills that good? Do I make you fall when I kiss you?" John asks, and you narrow your eyes, ready to give him a piece of your mind. You untangle yourself from the chair and up off the floor before poking John indignantly in the forehead.

  "That was a great kiss,  Egbean , but it was nothing that could make me weak in the knees. I can show you how to kiss that good, if you want." John  rolls  his eyes, unbelieving. You smooth your shirt down and motion for John to stand up. John does, folds his arms, and skeptically stares at you. You forget about your friends as you wrap your arm around your boyfriend's hips and pull  him until your pelvic bone bump his. John blushes at the closeness.

Your free hand gently cups John's throat and your thumb brushes his jaw. You duck down and press your lips to his, twisting your mouth in ways John probably never thought possible. You bite his lip, nip his tongue, and taste his mouth with yours. He is still incredibly sweet from the cake dinner, and your tongue slides behind his perfectly imperfect teeth with satisfaction. Under your hand, you feel John's pulse becoming erratic, and with the hand that is pressed against his hip, you slip under it his shirt and stroke John's lower back while pulling him as close as possible. Girls are whistling and boys are telling you to 'get some', and you ignore them, your tongue battling John's when he tries to push you out of his mouth.

When John is really into the make out session, you pull away. A  thin string of saliva dangles between the two of your for a moment, showing how sloppy the kisses really were, and you drop  your  hands and step away from him. John's eyes fly open and he wobbles where he stands. You hold out an arm to brace him and he just completely leans on you for support.

  "Are my kissing skills that good?" You tease, and John harrumphs in irritation.

  "Fuck you," He retorts with a glare, and you give him your most arrogant smirk.

  "You would," you retort, sticking your tongue out at him.

  "Keep kissing me like that and you're probably right ," John admits with a scowl, and you laugh in embarrassment, feeling better than  you did moments ago, when you weirdly admitted to how much you like him.

  "Dave," John starts, and you raise a brow at him,"Don't think I'm only saying this to make you feel better, or because that was a decent kiss." You snort at the selective word to describe your kissing skills. John narrows his eyes but ignores your amusement .

  "Yes?" You ask, and John throws his arms around your neck, standing on tiptoe to reach you.

  "I love you too, dippy," John whispers in your ear.

  "Oh," yep. that's all you can say, because you are a bit stunned. You didn't think he would feel that way about You too. You aren't sure why, you just don't feel like someone could ever feel that way about you. Then it kind of hit you.

Wow, John loves you too? Holy fucking shit, someone actually cares about you.  Cares  about  you . No one has ever cared about you before, and that just-wow. You can't explain it.You feel warm inside and really happy, but you feels so helpless and small. The feels hit you like a ton of fucking bricks and you clench John to you and weep. No, you don brawl like you always seem to do, you just weep quietly and hold onto him.

  "D-Dave?" John asks with worry, and his fingers curl in your hair.

  "This is good," you mutter, sounding like a wack-a-doo. John sighs and shakes his head,so you pull away. "Sorry, that was weird it's just...no one cares?"

  "That's not true-"

  "No, I mean," You  interupt , holding the back of his shirt tightly, "No one has ever showed care for me before. No one ever tells me they love me, or help me, or make me happy. No one except you, and it just means a lot," You murmur, and wipe under your shades to rid yourself of the silly tears. You would think that with as much crying as you do, you wouldn't have any left.

  "I do love you, Dave. I have for a while now. But I'm not the only one who cares," John says, and  tentively  places a hand on your flushed cheek.

  "It sure feels like you are," You grumble glumly, and John  rolls  his pretty blue eyes.

  "You dummy, everyone in this room cares!" John barks, and you jump as if being electrocuted. You spin on your heel to look at your grinning audience. Jesus fucking Christ you forgot they were standing there.

  "Oh my  god !" you complain, and shake your head.

Hours in the future, but not many==>

It is maybe eleven pm, and literally  everyone  is high. Except you; You still feel scared to do weed, and every time you say that, Gamzee laughs, telling you that you  smoke  it, not  do  it. Either way, it scares you and you are still a bit uncomfortable when everyone is laughing, eating, and lazing around.

The worst of them all is Nepeta. She is loud and then suddenly suspiciously quiet. She sits still one moment, her huge eyes creepily watchful, and then BOOM. You have yourself a lap full of freshman girl.

  "Please get off of me," you complain to her. Her eyes are more reminiscent of an owl's rather than a cat as she turns her gaze slowly to you. Her eye twitches and  s he jus t stares . Stares like the creepy fuck she is.

  "Did I give you permission to talk to me?" She whispers, and you cringe. oh God, this just got super weird. She leans closer to your face and narrows her eyes. "No, I  fucking  didn't!"

  "Nepeta, why don't you go sit on Buffy the Towel Slayer?" you snap, pointing at Equius, who is totally baked off of his ass. Nepeta's eyes flicker towards the large male across the room, who is laughing with Tavros-a guy who he usually doesn't seem to like.

  "Oh Em Gee, Yes! EQUIHISS!" Nepeta shouts, and everyone startles. Nepeta luckily rolls from your lap and tumbles over to Equius. She flops half onto his lap and half on the floor and makes a " squee " noise and Equius just looks at her with disappointment.

  "Are you okay?" A voice chuckles, and you look over to see your boyfriend scoot away from Eridan to sit with you.

  "Uh, yeah. I am." You grumble, staring suspiciously at John. He is more mellow than the last time he smoked.

  "Are you sure?" John asks, and you reassure him once more. You guys talk lightly about nothing in particular for a little while. He talks about movies and you talk about music, but there is still no real topic. And since there is no topic, you both fall into silence after awhile. He leans heavily against you and you stare at your wrists. The bright blue music notes make you smile, and you wish you could look at them every day.

  "Hey Kanaya?" You ask, nudging John off of you.

  "Yes?" The girl replies. Her eyes are  blood shot  and watery, but she still seems to have her wits about her.

  "Your mom owns a tattoo parlor, right?"

  "That would be  correct."

  "Would she give me a tattoo?" Kanaya purses her lips at you trying to make sense of your words.

  "You? Get a tattoo?" Karkat sniggers, and you stick your tongue out at him in response.

  "Yes, me get a tattoo. I certainly have enough money to get one," you respond with defiance, and Kanaya nods.

  "Well, you  are  a friend of mine, and if I convince her she may give you one," Kanaya mutters, running her fingers through her short hair. "But don't be disappointed if she doesn't do it.  It's  a state law now that no one under the age of eighteen can get a tattoo, even with parental permission." You nod, smiling.

  "Is she working now?"

  "Most likely," Kanaya says slowly, narrowing her eyes.

  "Are you saying you want a tattoo?" Rose asks, " Tonight ?"

  "Yep. Problem with that?" You inquire, and Rose shakes her head. Gamzee stands up and claps his hands together.

  "Alright! We will go take this mother fucker right now! 'Ey Kurloz? You wanna all up and watch a kid jab their body with a needle?" Gamzee laughs, and you wince when Kurloz smirks.

  "It wouldn't be the first time," Kurloz responds quietly, and it is probably the first time you have heard him speak.

  "Oh, so you have watched someone get a tattoo?" Jade asks with bright eyes, leaning across Karkat to get a good look at the older Makara.

  "He didn't mean that kind of needle" Gamzee says darkly, and lightly taps his forearm in suggestion. Jade doesn't understand for a moment, and Karkat not-so-quietly informs her about drug dealers and their clients. You cringe and shake your head when the Makara's laugh at Jade's mortified expression.

  "Okay, not that drugs  aren't cool or anything," you mutter, taking the spotlight again, "but that isn't the kind of needle I want ejected into my body. I would like a tattoo and someone to take me to get it."  You stand up, and when you stand, everyone else does.

  "Okay, we will all go together!" Feferi squeals, and turns to Eridan "Maybe I should get body art as well!"

Soon, everyone loads up into vehicles. You hold wads of cash in your pocket, feeling really excited about this

The tattoo parlor is wedged between the supermarket and an old taco stand turned into a little hat store on Wednesdays. The parlor is tan on the outside, and a small sign reads "Porrim's E mporium of Body Art" on the glass door.

Everyone loads out of the cars and onto the cooled pavement. The moon hangs like a menacing grin in the sky above you, and dipped in the inky black are stars littered here and there. It is a beautiful, lonely night, and the laughter of your friends that disrupt the beauty seems way too loud in your ears. Their shouts of joy echo off of the walls in the alley Kanaya leads you through, and you suddenly wonder if she is secretly  a part of some chainsaw massacre club or something, here to lead you to your death. What? Just because she is a classy lady doesn't mean she can't use a chainsaw to hack someone him half! You vote Eridan to be first-she doesn't seem to like the rich douchebag very much. Or maybe Tavros...for some reason, he strikes you as someone who could totally lose his legs. Maybe if he didn't have legs to break, life would be easier for him. Or maybe not; you are a sadistic idiot.

Kanaya leads you through a side door that is labeled "Employees only" in bold red letters. She pushes the huge metal door without a second thought and waves everyone inside.

  "For those of you who haven't m et my mother, she isn't as intimidating as she seems," Kanaya informs, and you tilt your head. If she is anything like Kanaya, the woman won't be all to intimidating, you believe.

  "Mother?" Kanaya shouts, and everyone walks through the storage room and into the room with all the needles and ink and tables and other assorted scary things.

  "Kanaya?" A strong, elegant voice replies and walks in from the front room of the parlor holding a book of what you think are tattoo designs.  Damn , intimidating is right.

Like her daughter, Porrim has flawless cocoa skin and eccentric green eyes. Her hair is a silky black and hangs in waved wisps on her thin shoulders. She wears a green dress with  a neckline that plunges to her naval, but unlike Kanaya's dress at that rave, nothing holds the split together, and you just sort of have to hope you don't get caught staring. Tribal tattoos streak her body, but you also catch glimpses of floral patterns and birds, some words in a language you don't know, and plenty of piercings. She is stunning, and now you know what Kanaya means by intimidating. You have never met Porrim, but you a have heard of her from many admiring adults and teenagers alike, and everything they say about her  is true .

While you were ogling at the strangely powerful woman, Kanaya was trying to convince her to give you a tattoo of your choosing. After a few minutes of discussing, Porrium caves and sets the book on one of the "operation" tables.

  "Alright, Darling. What did you have in mind?" Porrim asks you, and you hold out both of your wrists. She takes a look at them and nods, smiling a little.

  "Are these the chords to your favorite song?"

"Something like that," you murmur, and turn your stare to John. His glazed eyes are mildly surprised and he looks really touched that you want his music notes on your body forever.

  "Alright, well, we are going to need you to wash that off so I can clean your skin and start on  a fresh slate. You can draw the notes on a piece of paper and I can take the design from there," Porrim suggests, and looks for a piece of paper and a pen. She tries to give you the objects to you when she finds a spare piece of stationary paper, but you point to John.

  "He will have to draw it again," you say sheepishly, and Porrim hands the paper to him without a word. Everyone steps into the front room to take up the plastic seats. The girls flip through books to find something for Feferi, and the rest of the crew giggles like children when they find that you can get artwork of naked women. John sits on the glass counter that displays piercings as he draws, and you make your way to the bathroom with a brown rag and some dish soap. It took some time to completely remove the permanent ink from your wrists whilst being careful to not wet the bandages that cover your healing arm. When you walk out of the bathroom, you find Feferi lying on one of those table things on her stomach, biting a rag. Porim draws something on her back with the tattoo gun thing, and you walk over and curiously take a peak. A pretty fuchsia Angel Fish decorates Feferi's lower back. Right now, Porrium works on colorful bubbles around the fish. Porrium is soon done, and Eridan happily takes a picture to show Feferi. Aside from the stray tears that fell here and there, Feferi seemed completely fine(and incredibly relieved)when the job is done and her skin is being cleaned up.

  "Okay, Sweety, it's your turn. John Dear has redrawn the music notes. How do you want them placed again?" Porrim asks, and gently pushes you into a chair beside the table Feferi had sat in.

  "Uh, like this. As if these scars are like staff line things," you stutter, fearfully  showing her your self harm scars. The Mother's eyes are wide and frantic and sympathetic for a moment, but she composes herself well as she wipes down your skin with a sterilization. You pick the color blue and she loads up her gun o' pain. She puts on a new pair of gloves and leans over.

There is a sting, but it is nothing compared to all the times you have cut yourself. You are almost disappointed it doesn't feel the same way, but you are careful to not make your disappointment known.

  "Doesn't it hurt?" Nepeta whispers, looking wide eyed as Porrim lifts her gun to wipe away dripping ink; she continues her work.

  "Nah, I'm used to the pain," you grumble in response, and Porrim makes a quiet noise in the back of her chest.

"I'm aware you do not know me very well, Dave, but if you need me, I'm here anytime," Porrium says quietly, never breaking concentration. What she said touches your heart a little bit, even though it is just a mother's concern that has her worried for you. You nod to her in response.

 Your tattoo is over almost too soon, so you ask Porrim to add random shit in the background. You tell her you don't care what she puts, but she asks you to look anyways. Kurloz tosses you a book and you flip through it and find something worthy of your wrist. You ask Porrim to ink in some gears and coils and clocks and the like on your left wrist, and something you asked John to pick for your right. It takes an even longer time to fill your flesh in with something that you would call heat and clockwork, with all those clocks and warm colors. She makes lava wrap around your wrist, and in the middle of the back of your wrist, the lava connects with a tiny red cog.

On the right wrist, the notes are on a background of blacks and blues and yellows. You think there are fireflies dotting the smog like clouds on your flesh, and like the cog and lava, the smog is connected  by the same squiggles that John had on a few of his hoodies and t-shirts. He said it looks like a land of wind and shade, which is a fucking lame name compared to yours, and you tell him so.

   "There you go, darling, that will be sixty bucks." Porrim says when she has finished and covered your new tattoos with bandages to keep infection from coming in. You smile a bit and nod, taking the money from your wallet.

When you see Karkat gazing into the display case of piercings, you look  back at Porrim with curiosity.

  "Can I get some  peircings ?" You ask, and your friends groan sleepily; it is getting pretty late and they probably wish you would let them go home. Porrim raises a pretty pierced eyebrow and  purses her pretty painted lips.

  "I've poked a lot of holes in you tonight, kid. A re you sure you want more?" Porrim asks you seriously. You nod excitedly and she sighs, nodding as well.

  "Alright, what do you want?"

  "Lip piercing." Porrim chuckles, and puts a hand on her hip.

  "Well, there are many types of that piercing. Anything in particular?"

  "Oh, uh," You think of all the mouth piercings you have ever seen, try to remember all the things Karkat has ever told you about them. You bite your lip in thought.

  "How about...uh the ones that go r ight here?" You ask and touch the corners of your lips. Karkat begins to snicker behind one of his hands.

  "Oh my god, that is so fucking lame," He sniggers, and you scowl.

  "Fuck off, you rotten dildo," You snap, and your friends begin to laugh and Karkat glares daggers at you. Porrim pinches the brim of her thin nose.

"Black  Daliah ?" Porrim asks, ignor ing your colorful insult .

  "Yeah, the  Daliah  thing, and I want a septum ring," you demand, and Porrim just stares at you.

  "You don't seem like the kind of kid who likes piercings," She tells you. After ten minutes of squabbling about this particular topic, Karkat convinces you to drop the septum ring and go with a different lip decoration; your other friends watch in amusement. In the end, you end up with Angel bites and a total of one hundred dollars down the drain. Money well spen t in your opinion.

Porrim tells everyone to go back to Gamzee's and get rest since it is a school night. It is two in the morning when everyone crashes in the sitting room, cuddled up in their respective blankets and sleeping bags.

When morning comes around, you were still sleeping on the couch with one of Kurloz's blankets while every one else runs around getting ready. When they notice you are awake, your friends remind you that you don't have to go to school, and that the Makara's will hang out with you. You hide your distaste in the plans for the day, but watch without outward complaint when everyone gets in their cars and drives off. Karkat honk s the horn irritability at John as he hugs you goodbye.

  "I love you, bye!" John cheers quickly, and bounds off of the porch before you could reply . Karkat pulls out of the driveway and you are left on the porch with sadness.

  "Come inside," Gamzee says, and you do. Kurloz makes breakfast for four, and before you could ask who the fourth plate was for, a tall, bulky mafia boss of a man walks into the dining area.

  "Sup, Goat Dad," Gamzee cheers, looking like a little kid in a candy store. The sour looking man runs a hand through Gamzee's hair, and you quietly decide that the man is nearly seven feet tall.

  "Good morning boys. Did you smoke last night? The living room smells like a good time," the man says, and his voice is just as scary as he looks.

  "Haha, yes sir!" Gamzee answers, and he gives his father a pointed grin.

  "Did everyone smoke?" Mr Makara asks, plopping unto a chair next to yours. Even though he can't see past your shades, you still tried not to make eye contact with anyone and eat your pancakes in silence.

  "Nah, Dave didn't," Kurloz replies and points a cloves finger at you. You freeze and your heart stops. God Damn him, there went your plans of going unnoticed.

  "What? Why not son?" The man asks, and puts a hand on your shoulder.

  "Dave isn't a boy," Gamzee says through a mouthful of breakfast pastry.

  "Oh, uh...why not...girl?" The corner of your mouth lifts in amusement, but before you could answer, Gamzee interrupts again.

  "Not a girl, either. Dave has their  own  gender," The clown says, and you hear admiration. You just shrug the shoulder that doesn't have a colossal fucking hand on it.

  "Well, not exactly...just...for now I don't have a gender. I'm still trying to find out who I am," You grumble, and the man  throws  his head back and laughs.

  "Aren't we all, kiddo!" You decide you aren't  intimidating  anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yep, that happened, okay. Welp, see you guys later<3 i love you all, my perfect purple bumblebees! bye<333  
> (note: I may update again this coming up friday)


	16. Karkat: Feel like you fucked up==>

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We see how Dave spends the day, and then Karkat realizes he fucked up Jade's life ( Well, he thinks he did, anyways.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //Yes, this just happened. I am sorry for the long ass wait, but shit has be crazy ass ape balls in Virginia(the other state I am /trying/ to move to) so I haven't had time to write as many drafts as I had planned. Sorry for any/ all spelling errors; my spell checker isn't working, and that means I have to manually fix any errors I see...I apologize.  
>  Enjoy, if you can;>_>

Be Dave==>

Breakfast was over with pretty soon and Mafia Makara went to work or whatever. The clowns decide that they were bored so they grab your hands and drag you up stairs to Gamzee's room. The room is like a cave-literally. The walls are a very dark stone and it seems unnaturally cool in here. There are posters of bands everywhere, and there are cans of spray paint lying all over the stone floor. A black chandelier hangs an over you, but instead of normal bulbs in the small but fancy light fixture, the purple bulbs of a black light cast everything into strange colors and shadows.

  "Wanna new make over, sibling?" Gamzee asks, a devious look in his eyes. He and Kurloz haven't put on their paint today, and they are both very  handsome and gentlemanly. Of course, they don't seem to care how nice they look because Kuloz plops down at the purple vanity mirror and begins to drag a brush across his skin.

  "Do I have a say in the matter?" You ask Gamzee.

  "Nope," He answers, and pushes you onto the bed and grabs some paint and a brush. You sigh and raise your shades to sit on your head.

  "Cool," you grumble, and flinch when the cold paint touches your skin.

Under the black lights, the two Makara's look ghastly. The white is exceedingly bright and makes the gra y around their eyes look like their skulls are sinking in. Gamzee and Kurloz both take turns painting your face, unable to compromise on anything. Eventually they give up and tell you that face paint just isn't your thing, and you laugh in agreement. 

The next thing the three of you do is play video games. You all lay on your stomach on the bed,you sandwiched between the two as you play Little Big Planet on a flat screen  tv .

You won several rounds and eventually Gamzee got bored of the game.

  "Wanna get high?" Gamzee asks you, and you bite your newly studded lip, which stings like a fuckin bitch.

  "Is it safe?" You ask, and Kurloz chuckles next to you.

  "'course it is! But I won't make you do something you  dont -"

  "Yeah, let's do it. I've waited long enough," you say, and Gamzee looks impressed.

Then, you are all in a circle in  Kurloz's room, which is like a normal bedroom aside form the heavy rap metal band posters tacked onto the lavender walls. He said that since it was your  fist time, you may want to sit somewhere more comforting than Gamzee's room. The two argued for awhile about it, Gamzee becoming his normal horrifying self as he shouts at Kurloz. In the end, the older brother won after dangling a plastic bag in front of Gamzee.

And then, you are high.

You aren't sure what happened, you don't remember ho w it happened. You remember coughing a bit, and then quietly freaking the fuck out. 

You think you are freaking dying. Y our heart is pounding like crazy and all of this smoke is choking you. Even though you feel like dying, your body is strangely relaxed and that scares you the most. While you are quietly dying behind your shades with paint smeared on your face, Kurloz and Gamzee are talking about ordering Chinese food. Your stomach rumbles quietly, and you lick your lips in anticipation; Paint touches your tongue and you swear violently at the acrid taste of paint, and ask the boys what fucking brand they use. They just laugh darkly.

When you are offered the blunt again while you wait for the food to be delivered, you accept it, not wanting to be rude while also thinking you will get better the more you smoke. 

The door bell rings and the three of you trip down the stairs to get to the food. When you are all a puddle of paint and a heap of weed at the bottom of the stairs, you all three burst into fits of laughter, because you each looked like a bunch of idiots. 

Kurloz gets the food and you all sit  against the door with noodles hanging out of your mouths as you viciously jab the take out box with a chops tick. You lost the other one sometime between receiving the food and then plopping on the floor, but that didn't stop you from eating.

Not long after eating, you begin to feel tired and a bit bored. Kurloz is super energetic, though, and tells you that he caught wind that you had a cat. He asks if you would get it from Kankri's house and you sleepily nod. You closed your eyes for  just a second , and when you opened them again, you are slumped over in the back seat of Gamzee's truck, your head in some girl's lap.

  "What the fuck?" You  yelp , sitting up in surprise.

  "Oh, you're awake," Gamzee says chilly, looking over  his shoulder at you.

  "What the hell happened, and who are you?" You bark, pointing at the girl. She tilts her head and just smiles.

  "She's deaf," Kurloz says from the driver's seat, and you feel a tinge of embarrassment.

  "You said we could get your cat from Vantas, so that's where we are going. W e decided to pick up Kurbro's girlfriend, too," Gamzee says, and while he is saying this, he begins making hand gestures. You sigh, wondering why the fuck you agreed to let them pick up your cat.

  The girl makes  g estures back and then turns to you, her hands going wild. You realize she is doing sign language, and you just stare blankly at her without an idea of what could be said.

  "She says 'Its nice to meet you, my name is Meulin.' " Gamzee laughs at your confused expression;  You nod at Meulin . 

  "Sup, I'm Dave," you reply, squinting at her.  Gamzee relays this inf o rmat i on whil e yo u  tr y to  f ig u re out w ho the wild haired beauty is.

  "Is she related to  Lejion ?" you ask, and Gamzee nods.

  "Her older sister." 

  "Is she as...you know..."

   "Weird? Nah, the Lejion's are pretty cool, but Meulin is as normal as it gets, I guess. She doesn't ship everything with everything." Kurloz answers you, and stops the car. You are still busy trying to figure out when you fell asleep and plopped your head on this chick's lap, so you didn't even realize you were at Karkat's house until Gamzee was climbing back into the car with a kitten held to his chest.

  "How did you get inside?" You ask as Kurloz swivels the car out of the  drive way .

  "Karbro is my best friend; he gave me some keys," Gamzee says cheerfully, skritching the kitten between its ears. Even though  Gam is nice  and all, you don't think you would ever give him a spare set of keys so he can get into your house. 

When Gamzee gladly hands your cat to an excited Meulin, your phone buzzes in your pocket. You have hundreds of messages from bro, all of which you ignore, but you have one from Karkat.

CG: HEY IT'S ME, OBVIOUSLY   
CG: JOHN HAS BEEN GRINGING MY FUCKING BONE BULDGE TO TALK TO YOU, SO IF YOU WANT, YOU CAN TEXT HIM.

TG: yeah that would be great

CG: OKAY HERE HE IS   
CG: HEY DAVE!   
CG: sorry, caps lock was on!!

TG: hey egbean  whats up

CG: its lunch time right now   
CG: everyone is talking about you!   
  
TG: oh  thats just great

CG: no, no one is saying anything bad   
CG: they are worried about you! everyone is asking if you are okay and if you need anything   
CG: you have a lot of friends who care about you! :B 

TG: huh  i guess   
TG: so how are you holding up   
TG: you know   
TG: dealing with  kitkat vantass

CG: he is actually being really nice today!

CG: he is also getting bullied really hard, so  i 'm protecting him

TG: karkat    
TG: being nice

CG: yeah kankri is really angry at him for saying bad words all the time, so karkat is grounded until he fixes his attitude    
CG: / eyeroll   
CG: so what did you do today??

TG: I met goatdad for the first time   
TG: painted my face a bit   
TG: got high

CG: gasp   
CG: really! did you like it

TG: it was literally the best thrill I have ever had in my life   
TG: its like going to fucking  disneyland and getting a picture with goofy 

TG: but for free

CG: in other words, you are scared for life?

TG:  dont tell anyone or  i will end you

CG:  i knew it

You roll your eyes and lean back in your seat and chat with John until he has to go back to class.

Naknak(that is the best name for the cat you have!) is happy with all of the attention he is getting. Meulin scratches his now plump belly with long olive green nails, and he occasionally sw ats at her fingers in a playful manne r. When it is your turn to play with Naknak, you speak about your earlier confusions.

"So, how did you get me into the car? A nd why was I sleeping on  DeafNep ?" You inquire, and Meulin jabs you sharply in the ribs with her elbow. " Ow ! what the he ll was that for?" You snap, and she makes a bunch of gestures.

"She doesn't like being called 'DeafNep'," Gamzee says, and you squint at Meulin.

"I thought she couldn't hear me?" You mumble, scowling.

"No, but she can read lips," Kurloz says quietly, looking amused.

"Uhg fine, sorry. Anyways, will someone answer me already?" You snap, looking at Gamzee.

"Well, you fell asleep while eating, Kurloz textured Meulin to see if she wanted to go on a date with him, then we loaded your body into the car to pick her up. You just sort of slumped over on her when we decided to get your cat ," Gamzee says boredly, and you mutter under your breath.

"Isn't it a bit weird for me to sleep in her lap when we are both with someone already?"

"S hould it be?" Gamzee asks, his eyes too wide, too innocent for him to know the fucking answer. You roll your eyes and decide to stay quiet for the rest of the ride to the Makara's. 

When you all arrive, Kurloz leaves again with Meulin, and you, Gamzee, and Naknak head into the house. You tell Gamzee that you are tired and he leads you to the same guest room you and John had borrowed the second night you had stayed over with him. 

Gamzee leaves you to flop onto the bed and sleep, which you do after kicking off your shoes and wiggling out of your pants and t-shirt. You lay on your back with your shades still on, and Naknak curls up on your neck, a tiny white ball of life that makes you smile before you let the darkness take over.

Dave: Be John==>

You cannot be John for he is busy arguing with Terezi. You can, however be Karkat, if you wish. 

No, you don't want to be Karkat?

Well too God Damn bad, I make the rules here.

Be Karkat==>

You get punched in the face by one of your bullies, and two of your friends stop arguing to help you up and defend you.

Okay, you had every right to not be Karkat.

Be Jade instead==>

No, not her. she is too busy with her studying that she would be wa y to o boring to be.

Be...Dirk strider?==>

....

Fuck yes, be Dirk==>

Your name is DIRK STRIDER, and it has been a long time since you were in control of the story.

Right now, you sit in a cafe with Caliborn, the two of you sipping your lattes quietly...until you decide to break the silence.

  "Dave won't answer my texts or calls," You complain to your younger companion, and without looking up, Caliborn answers boredly. 

  "That's because he hates you."

  " Gee , thanks  Calli. You sure know how to  su gar coat things," you say sarcastically, and his red eyes flit up to meet your orange, shade clad ones.

  "I'm just being honest," he snaps smoothly, and you sink in your chair, sighing. "Why do you care if he hates you? Don't you hate him?"

  "Yes...well, no, I don't...I love him like a brother, hate him as a person?" You decide, and Caliborn snorts.

  "You're a fucking idiot. You hate him because he is gay, remember? Brother or not; don't let his young brotherlyness blind you."

  "First of all, 'brotherlyness' is not a word," you start, and now Caliborn sinks in his seat in irritation, "Second? Caliborn,  I'm gay," You hiss, and Caliborn nods.

  "I would hope so. Our relationship wouldn't work if one of us were straight," Caliborn states, and you cringe.

  "Still, I don't think I should hate on him because he is gay. That would make me the biggest fucking hypocrite."

  "So hate him for other reasons. He is annoying, ugly, fat, and he is  such a  whore ."

  "And you're an asshole," you grumble, and stare into the remains of your latte. 

  "Look, I'm sorry-"

 "No you aren't,"

  "That Dave doesn't like you," he goes on as if you haven't interrupted him , but he glares at you," but you have to get over it. He is out of our lives now. Let him stay with his stupid boyfriend for awhile until his eighteenth birthday, and boom!" He does these shit ty jazz hands here, "the little idiot with move outta town and we will never see him again!" Caliborn laughs obnoxiously, and you melt even further into your chair, feeling saddened at the  thought .

  "He is coming over for Christmas," you say matter-of-factly. Caliborn groans audibly, and a few people turn to stare at him.

  " Why ?" he whines, and you  shoosh him.

 "Because he is my brother, and no matter how pathetic he is, I would like to see him one last time before he leaves town forever."

Caliborn nods, "Fine, but I'm not talking to him."

  "Didn't say you had to."

  "Good."

  "Good."

  "Fine!"

  "Fine.

  "Shut up you weasel, Jesus Christ!"

  "I didn't know you believed in Jesus," you smirk, and Caliborn bangs his head on the table.

  "Fuck you."

  "No thanks."

Well, this is boring.

Try to b e Karkat again==>

You sit in Nurse Aranea's office with a bag of ice pressed to your right eye. Terezi and John tell Aranea what happened while your bully-Vriska fucking Serket- gets told off by  Ms. Condesce, the principal. Vriska and John begin to argue, and now  every one in the small room watches with interest.

  "John, I miss you. My  gillfriend is so lame, we could be much better together," Vriska says, batting her eyelashes. The principal tries to get her attention, but is ignored.

  "No Vriska, I'm in a very happy relationship, thank you very much."

  "Okay, then let's play a game of 'kiss behind the school and not tell anyone'! winner gets it oral," Vriska says  suggestively, leaning on John. He scowls at her, already having enough of her shit.

  "I have a better game," he says, and Vriska smiles.

  "Oh? and what is it called?"

  "How about 'hide and go fuck yourself, you self centered bitch'! Leave me alone, and leave my friends alone! No one likes you, okay? A nd if you really don't want to be with Meenah any more, then fucking tell her rather than cheat on  her," John snaps, getting vicious. He pushes past her roughly and walks out of the room, everyone staring at him in surprise. Terezi begins to laugh.

  "You really pissed him off!" She squeals, stating the obvious. Vriska  glares .

  "I can see that," Vriska snaps, but then gives Terezi a sugar sweet smile, "but  you can' t ."

  "You bitch!" You shout, and jump at her, tackling her to t he ground. "It's your fault she can't see!"

  "It's not my fault she was a stupid third grader!" Vriska yells, trying to smack you. Condesce and Aranea have their arms around you, trying to pry you off of Vriska. Terezi laughs as she listens to the sound of flesh hitting flesh, insults flying, and the pleads for you to get the eve r  loving  fuck  off of the idiot beneath you.

Kankri then bursts into the room and is shouting swears at you for fucking up again, blows a whistle, and gives orders. He tells Terezi to find her way to class, then apologizes because he forgot about her disability, which makes her cuss him and says to not talk to a blind girl like she is helpless.

Kankri argues with her over the sounds of you and Vriska shouting clever insults, and the two humans wrapped around your body eventually give up on trying to pry you off of Vriska and call the school's cop to get you instead.

The cop happened to be Mituna Captor, a not-so-intelligent, easily offended, super rude guy who isn't really licensed to be a cop or a security guard.

  "Get off of Serket," Mituna barks in a lisp you find annoying.

  "Fuck off, you rent-a-cop!" you snap, smacking Vriska across the face. She whacks your already broken glasses off of your face, where they skid across the room to be stepped on by Kankri.

Terezi has her cane raised and fake tears in her eyes, and she is advancing quickly on your shit for brains uncle. He slips on the glasses he broke and falls to his ass, and is poked with the cane by Terezi. She then  waps him several times on the head with it, sobbing obnoxiously. But from the glint in her eye and the occasional smile, you know she isn't offended at all.

The principal is arguing with Mituna for not doing his job, and Mituna complains that bratty teenagers are too much for him to handle and that he would rather go  back t o his o ffice and beat his high score on  Zombie Slayer . Aranea begs for Vriska to leave you alone, and Vriska argues that she would if your Fat ass wasn't crushing her chest.

  "Guys, stop!" a new voice shouts, and everyone looks up to see a smug John and an angry Jade occupying the door.

  "Karkat, get off of Vriska!" Jade shouts, and she stomps over to you . You fearfully scuttle back, knowing that Jade is horrifying when angry. She points a finger at you, narrowing her eyes.

  "I'll deal with you later," she barks, and you nod quickly. She turns to Vriska and grabs her by the collar of her shirt.

  "Stay away from my friends if you know what is good for you," Jade snaps, and Vriska rolls her eyes.

  "Whatever, I don't need to be told  twice by a dumb Fury  with a dog eared headband," The surly girl mutters, flicking the said accessory,"Karkat is too lame to bully anyways." Jade lets her go with satisfaction before turning to Kankri.

  "I'm sorry, Kankri, but you need to get a grip on your authority rather than cowering with a whistle in your god Damn mouth! These three students need detention!" Jade informs, and your traitor of a girlfriend points at you, Terezi, and Vriska. Kankri nods  feverently .

  "Yes, that's right. A h , Detention, you three. And Karkat, you are  so  grounded," Kankri mutters firmly, and Jade nods again. You do not mention that you are already grounded.

  "Okay, and M ituna?" Mituna has a soft spot for Jade for some reason, so he turns to her with a big smile.

  "Yes?" he asks, and Jade's pretty smile becomes a dark scowl.

  "You need to do your god Damn job, too," She growls, and Mituna frowns but nods his curl covered head. Jade's face brightens.

  "Okay I'm done here! T hanks John!" Jade then walks to where you still sit on the floor, and bends over to quickly kiss your forehead. 

  "See you guys later," and then, Jade skips out of the room, and you notice she is wearing a fluffy white tail, clipped to the belt loop of her black skirt, reminding you of a pure little dog. Yeah right, dog isn't the word for Jade's inner animal; more like vicious fucking wolf . You shake your head, wondering why you love that tyrant of a girl so much. Sometimes, she scares the fuck out of you.

  "Okay, uh, Vriska, in my office, now," Principal Condesce orders, squinting her glitter coated eyes at her and  pursing her plump pink lips. Vriska groans but stands up anyways, slumping a bit and glaring at you as she follows the principal from the office. Kankri drags Terezi out of the room next, and then Aranea decides your swollen cheek and purple eye socket need another bag of ice, so you are left in the room alone with John. He kindly retrieves your glasses, but they are snapped in half so you just chuck them into the trash can without hesitation.

  "You know, I don't know who the traitor is here. You, or my scary girlfriend," you  mutter to him, and John  smiles .

  "She is just PMSing, I think. My cousin gets pretty scary when she is," John explains, and you sigh uncaringly. 

  "Scary is right. I can't believe everyone just fucking dropped their shit just to listen to a tiny  high schooler ." John giggles and nods.

  "Yeah," he mutters, and then gives you a thoughtful look, "So, how did your anniversary date with Jade  go ?"

You smile and your cheeks get a bit warm, "It was a great night," you say, and John looks at you expectantly.

  "Well? did you do the do? Jade had been talking my ear off in English about how excited she was that day," John says, and you smirk.

  "Really? Well, yeah, I finished the deed," you say, and look away in embarrassment, "I think it went really well. We were awkward about it at first, but you, Dave, and R ose really helped me out. I think after that night, our bond has been strengthened."

  "I'm glad you are looking at this in a romantic way. I think I would literally kill you if you talked about my cousin like some sort of toy," John says, and you nod, agreeing with him. You never thought about Jade like that,  where as most guys probably would. You love her too much to be in for only the sex. You smile, remembering how happy Jade was by the end of the night.

  "I figured it would be awkward," John interrupts your train of thought, and you glance at him with a raised brow.

  "Well, it  was a bit awkward, but we had gotten past that when-"

  "No, I'm talking about putting on the condom," John interrupts, and you stare at him, and he continues without much prompting,"I know it would be awkward for me. I can't even look at a condom now without feeling embarrassed. You must have really loved Jade to deal with that."

  "Yeah, uh, right. My  lo ve for her was stronger than my embarrassment," you say, dread filling your chest as you lie to one of your best friends. "You know what, I'm going to talk to her about that. N-not the condom, my love for her, of course!" you say, and John looks at you weirdly.

  "Okay?" he asks, and you nod at him before running out of the room. You knock into Aranea, who has baggies of ice. You shout an apology before dipping down the hallway to Jade's last period class.    


She has driver's ED, but there is a possibility she is T.A.ing today. T.A. stands for "Teacher's Assistant", and you can only be a T.A. if you have driver's ED, if you didn't figure that out already. N o one is in the classroom, and when you see the schedule on the door, it turns out that her group isn't driving today.

You let out an annoyed groan and spin on your heel to run in the other direction. She is assisting the  Green  House professor, who turns out to be her older cousin, Jake English. The classroom is empty like the other one, so you sneak out of the back door and make your way to the glass building in the back lawn of the school.

You find English and his class sitting at a bunch of stone tables, observing a huge pumpkin. They are planning on making pumpkin snacks this Halloween, and as interesting as a pumpkin cake sounds, you walk right up to English and shake his arm violently.

  "Where is Jade?" You ask frantically, and Jake pulls his arm from your grasp and stares at you like you're crazy.

  "She's in the orange orchard. Say, is that a  shrinner you're sporting there?" Jake asks, grabbing your face to poke your darkening eye. You duck out of his grasp.

  "Not now, Dork. I need to talk to Jade," with that said, you weave through the students and hastily make your way to the small orchard. Jake calls something to you about being in class, and to not call teachers disrespectful names, and blah blah blah, but you ignore him.

You see Jade standing on a bench, reaching for a plump tangerine hanging over her head. She plucks it from the tree and begins to peel it, having to push her headband back to keep her long hair from her eyes.

  "Jade!" You shout running from her. Jade leaps in surprise, nearly dropping the fruit. She hides it behind her back.

  "I wasn't peeling an Orange!" she y elps, but when she sees it is you, she calms down with a sigh. You slow to a stop, and she looks at you curiously.

  "Is everything okay? How is your eye?" She asks in concern, and you wave a hand, as if to brush away her worries; you have other things to worry about.

The orchard is small, but it is the biggest one in the county, and Thick russet leaves are drifting from their branches. There are very few oranges left on the  out stretched limbs, but the ones that are left are the biggest. It is really pretty here, and this happened to be where you and Jade met.

You were on fruit duty, meaning you had to pick several baskets of fruit for extra credit. You were successfully failing the class because you honestly couldn't give two shi ts about a bunch of pumpkins and limes and the like. You had bumped into jade and you remember cussing her viciously for getting in your way. For the next two weeks you met her here because you both had the same extra credit assignment.

            You guys just sort of hit it off and began to meet here regularly, and even after school ended last year(along with your class), you and Jade still meet here often. The point of this is, you love this place very much, and you don't really want to spoil it for her with what you are about to say. 

  "Jade, we need to talk," you finally say, and Jade bites her lip.

  "Is this about earlier? I'm really sorry I got you in trouble with Kankri and got you detention," Jade says, her voice going up an octave, you shake your head and run a hand through your already messy hair.

"No, that doesn't matter. Kankri can't even eat breakfast alone with me, let alone sit in a  class room for three hours," you assure her.

  "You...Are you breaking up with me then ," Jade asks in alarm, her grip on the orange tight. You let out a shaky laugh and shake your head.

  "No, this is about our...date," you whisper, and Jade's lip trembles.

  "Oh, no, was it bad for you? Are you here to break up with me because I was total Crap at it?" Jade whines, and you groan, slamming a Palm to your forehead.

  "No, you dummy, I'm not  break i ng up with you, and I never will," you snap, and Jade hangs her head. You sigh, "And you weren't crap at it, either. Like, at all."

  "Then what is this about?"

  "Okay," you breathe, and as you always do when nervous, you begin to pace in circles," Okay that night, we had gotten excited. I was too hasty and wasn't thinking-"

  "So you  do regret it," Jade moans, and you let out a shriek of frustration.

  "I do  not regret anything!" you snarl, and then exhale slowly, "but  you might."

  "What?"Jade asks, tilting her head. With that stupid  head band and her big eyes, she looks like a sad puppy, and you resist the urge to hug her.

  "Do you take birth control?" You ask, as a final attempt to beat around the Bush. Jade shakes her head, and you cover your face.

  "Karkat, what's wrong?" Jade asks, placing a hand on your shoulder. You peek at her through your fingers before dropping your hands. You take deep breaths.

  "I forgot to use a condom," you utter, and Jade stares past you, her glossy eyes wide and her body still. ohfuckofuckohfuck

  "I'm sorry Jade, I was excited and happy and worried about making you happy so I just sort of..."you trail off, your excuses lame, "Forgot."

  "So...we had unprotected sex?" Jade asks slowly, and you make a sound in the back of your throat, nodding.

  "And you didn't pull out, either?"

  "That would be correct." Jade nods at your words, and sways, "Woah, shit are you okay?" You  yelp , and push her onto the bench. She nods and rips the tail off of the back of her skirt to sit more comfortably. She squeezes the tail and orange in her hands, biting her lip.

  "So there is a possibility I could be pregnant?" Jade  inquires when you sit beside of her, and you cover your face again.

  "I don't know," you moan, squeezing your eyes shut.

  "What if I am?" Jade asks, and you glance over to see tears shining in her eyes. Fuck, this is exactly what you were afraid of.

  "I guess you would have a baby? That's how pregnancy works-"

  "I know that, Karkat!" She shouts, throwing down her orange and the white tail. She pulls her headband out of her hair and throws that to the ground as well, then runs her hands through her hair.

  "I'm sorry Jade-" you cut yourself off when she gives you a teary eyed glare.

  "So if I  am pregnant, you would be sorry? As if it was a mistake!"

  "W- wha -? No! I wouldn't be-"

  "Then why are you sorry?" She growls, baring her teeth at you.

"I don't want to ruin your life-?"

  "Who says that it would ruin my life!" She sobs, and you throw your hands up.

  "Are you crying because you could b e pregnant, or because you think I think I ruined your life?" You yell in confusion.

  "Don't raise your voice to me!" Jade babbles, choking on a sob. You growl in aggravation and wrap her in your arms.

  "Jade, why are you crying?" You rephrase softly, and she sighs, drooping in your embrace.

  "I don't care if I'm pregnant," she mutters, and your furrow your brow,"I just don't want you to think you ruined my life."

 "What are you saying?" You wonder, still befuddled.

  "I'm saying that if I do happen to be pregnant, I wouldn't be upset, so neither should you," She begins to twiddle her thumbs, and you rest your cheek on top of her head. You don't believe her.

  "I would still love you," you admit, and Jade sighs.

  "Would I make a good mom?" You roll your eyes at your girlfriend.

  "I guess. You seem to be pretty good around kids," you tell her, "So...if you were pregnant-even though it is too early to tell now-You wouldn't be upset?"

  "As long as you stick around to help me, no. I...I'm not ready to be a mom, and I'm not ready to be a single one, either." You pull away from her and grab her shoulders.

  "I Will never leave you, especially over a baby we are both too young to have," you bite the inside of  your cheek and wipe away one of Jade's tears with your thumb. You hate yourself so much. What if you ruined her life? You keep your opinion to yourself, though.

  "I'm still not ready to be a mom," Jade says, and you hang your head, feeling bad, "But I think I  Will be alright." You nod.

  "Don't get your hopes up...there is still the possibility you aren't pregnant," you warn, and Jade nods, and to be honest, you are betting on the chance that she isn't going to bare your child at such a young age.  You both sit in silence a bit longer, drinking in each other's company. She breaks the silence first.

  "How would you feel about being a dad at such a young age?" Jade asks, and you shrug.

  "My dad was pretty young when he got my mom pregnant, and Kankri was young too, when I was born; h e was seven. My dad died when I was ten, and Kankri was seventeen when he graduated and moved into an apartment," You start, and Jade tilts her head again in curiosity, "So either way, seventeen year old dad had me, then seventeen year old Kankri. They were both young and dealt with me just fine, so I think I can deal with it," you say.

  "You never talk about your family," Jade comments, and you shrug.

  "Never had rhyme or reason too."

  "until now?"

  "until now," you agree, smiling a bit. Jade returns the smile, and looks at you for a continuation of your story.

  "What do you want to know?" You ask, sighing.

  "So your dad is ten years older than Kankri?" Jade asks, and you nod.

  " Was ten years older. He was twenty seven when he died and I was passed off to Kankri."

  "Where was your mom?"

  "She birthed me, and died two hours afterwards," you answer thoughtlessly, feeling weird from talking about this. Jade just keeps nodding her head.

  "How did Kankri feel?" She asks, and you snort.

  "He had to give up his dreams of becoming a fucking preacher because I was too much to deal with. He got a job at the high school as an assista nt  Teacher, instead. When the biology teacher got a better job offer, Kankri filled in instead."

  "I can imagine Kankri as a preacher, though. He seems to be a very faithful man."

  "Nah, it's all just Bullshit. He is 'secretly' gay as fuck, and he can't  stand dealing with other humans. He works out much better as a teacher than he ever will as a preacher," you snort, and you and Jade chuckle in agreement. Jade sobers up before you do.

  "So they raised you well, even though they were so young?" Jade quietly asks, meaning your dad and uncle.You gulp down your snickers and frown.

  "Yeah, I guess...."

    "Do you think you would handle it as well as they did?"  I'm so sorry...please don't be pregnant, Jade. You decide to joke a bit, trying to lighten the serious mood.

  "Dad was shit at taking care of me. H e would hold me upside down a lot when I was a toddler-"

  "I'm serious, Karkat."

  "Oh," you reply bitterly, and look away, glaring at the things she threw to the ground,"Yeah, I'll be fine. Better than they ever were," you decide, and Jade leans on you again, hugging your waist. If Jade is pregnant- sill too early to tell-You will be a better parent to this kid then your family ever was. Even so, you can't help but regret how you stupidly forgot something so important as a condom. No amount of excitement will excuse what you had done if you ruin your lover's life.

You both sit outside for a long time, until you hear the final bell ring and it is time for you to go home. Jade decides to ride the bus home, and tells you that you should take John to get Dave from Gamzee's. You agree and walk her out of the orchard, carrying her accessories and the orange she stole. You hand her things back to her when you make it to the bus stop. You wait with her until she climbs onto the bus, and when you make your way to the student parking lot, you think of the time you just spent with her. 

John is already in the passenger seat, and before you can buckle up, your phone rings. You sigh and answer it before John could say something about your depressing attitude.

  "What do you want, Dave?" You grumble, and push John away when he tries to make a grab for your phone. You have your hand on his face to hold him back, and his hands are swatting blindly near your ear.

  "John's dad called me," Dave replies, and you sigh.

  "So?"

  "He wants John and me to come straight to his house. He has to talk to me."

  "Let me say it again: So?"

  "He found out I was abused, and he came home early so he could...fuck I don't know. He just came home early because of me."

  "Do you think he will let you stay with him until you turn eighteen?"

  "I don't know, that's what I'm counting on,  Kitkat ."

  "Uh, huh. Well, I'm trying to get out of the parking lot now, are you still at Gamzee's?"

  "Yeah, just woke up from an awesome nap. Pick me up?"

  "Yeah, whatever. I will drop you guys off and just bring your shit over to John's tomorrow."

  "Thanks, Karkat. See you later."

  "Uh huh, bye," You end disinterestingly, and hang up the phone before tossing it carelessly in the back seat.

  "Why didn't you let me talk to him?" John complains as you veer out of the parking lot, going way over the speed limit.

  "Because he didn't ask for you," you say emotionlessly, "He said your dad called him. He knows about Dave's home life and came home early."

  "What? Really? That's awesome!" John cheers, and you roll your eyes.

  "Yeah, just fucking great, whatever. Anyways, I am picking Dave up now and then I am taking you home. I will bring your shit from my house to you tomorrow, okay?"

  "Why not bring it today?"

  "I have a lot of shit on my mind, you little fuck, and I don't feel like wasting a shit load of gas for you," you snap.

  "Yeesh, someone pissed in your Cherrios," John grumbles, looking out of his window. You just press harder on the gas pedal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //The next chapter is really short, since this one is long as dangly old man balls, so forgive me for that when the next chapter hops around the bend...also, I would like to ask you to grab some tissues and a happy movie to watch after the up coming chapter. I may be over dramatic when I say this, but I cried a lot when typing up the draft for the next chapter.....  
> I love you all, my perfect purple bumble bees! Stay awesome<3


	17. Dave: Hate yourself some more==>

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat? More like CarCrash.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //I cried a whole bunch when writing this, even though it's not the best written chapter. I told a few of you that I was gonna do something horrible to Jade and Karkat...well, here you go. I did, and there is still more horror to come. Enjoy...or at least not kill me.  
> plese;0_0

 Be Dave==>

You sit on the porch with Gamzee while you wait for Karkat, your back pack on your shoulder and NakNak inside. Gamzee said he would take care of the cat for you, and you are just fine with that, since you aren't sure how John's dad would feel if you brought home a cat without warning.

  "So you will be staying with Johnbro again?" Gamzee asks, and you shrug.

  "I guess if Dadbert wants to deal with my dumb ass, then yeah." You both stay quiet after that. Neither of you really have reason to speak .

Karkat's car pulls up to the porch, and he Honks his horn obnoxiously.

  "Get in the fucking car," He snaps at you, making you wonder why he wasn't being as nice as John claimed he was being this morning. You wave Gamzee good bye, thanking him for hanging out with you, and then you bounce onto the back seat. Karkat pulls out of the driveway without a goodbye to Gamzee or a hello to you, and then he speeds down the road.

  "You  a'ight man?" You wonder, buckling up as Karkat swerved around a corner. His grip on the wheel tightens.

  "No, I'm not alright, you insufferable prick," Karkat snaps, and you feel like you have been hit by a ton of bricks. Is it your fault he his angry or upset? Was it because you called him and asked if he would take you to John's? He is probably irritated that he keeps seeing your face.

 "Karkat, what is wrong with you?" John snaps, glaring at said person.

  "It's my fault if Her life is ruined," Karkat shouts, and the needle on the speedometer is ticking closer to eighty on a fifty mph road. Okay, so it isn't your fault.

  "What are you talking about?" John asks, looking  worridly out of his window.

  "It will be all my fault!" Karkat shouts, and you spot tears in his eyes in the rearview mirror.

  "What is your fault, dammit!" You bark, but your words are lost when Karkat makes a sharp turn and you are thrown against your seat belt.

  "She told me she wasn't ready to be a mother! She said she wasn't ready, and I come along and fuck everything up!" Karkat shouts, slamming a fist against the steering wheel. The horn blares and John jumps in fright, looking to you with huge scared eyes. You wave to him, and he quickly unbuckles himself and shimmies into the back seat. Karkat didn't seem to care or notice, he just keeps ranting while John rebuckles himself into the middle seat.

  "Are you saying Jade is pregnant?" You ask over the sound of the roaring engine. The car is now going ninety on a small road, and you foresee something bad happening.

  "Yes! I mean no! It's too early to tell, but she could be, and it would be all my fault!" Karkat's face is red and he is nearly foaming at the mouth.

  "Today has been a bad day already! I get punched around, my glasses are broken, still can't find my contact lenses, and I am already just a shitty person in general ! Haha, what a big ' fuck you' to my life!" Karkat shouts, laughing without humor, "And now I have screwed up  Jade's life! She wanted to go to colle ge-what good college will accept a girl with a toddler on her fucking hip?"

  "Karkat, you are going too fast!" John finally shouts, tears in his eyes.

  "My  life is going too fast!" Karkat shouts back, and hits the steering wheel again.

  "Karkat, calm the fuck down!" you yell, kicking the back of his seat, "This isn't as big a deal as it seems! Pull over and we will talk about this!"

  "Go fuck yourself, ass hole! This  is a really  big deal, I've ruined her life!" Karkat shouts again, taking one hand off of the wheel to smack you when you kick his seat for the second time.

  "Karkat, stop!" John shouts, pointing at the middle of the road. There is a little girl and her very pregnant mother, trying to cross the street. Karkat makes an inhuman  yelp and turns the wheel.

Then, everything is going in slow motion.

The car makes a noise in complaint, and you pull John to you. There is the honking noise of another car and you see a white four door sedan coming right at you.

There is the sound of metal screeching against asphalt, and then the front of the car is crumpled  in on itself. Then, the world is spinning unnaturally. You are upside down, then sideways, and right side up, then sideways again. There is the shriek of glass shattering, and you feel something tear at your skin. You hold onto John with fear, hoping that he isn't getting hurt.

The car is now on its side, and it is teetering back and forth, before falling on its top. You let out a shout of fear when everything stops, and you are dangling from your seat belt, your head brushing the roof of the car. There are screams everywhere, and your ears are ringing.

"John?" You ask, coughing. John is limp in your arms, but he is breathing and nearly went unscathed. He just fainted, and you sigh in relief. You turn your head, about to call Karkat's name, but scream instead.

You don't see Karkat-the seat is in the way-but you see a shattered windshield, and blood everywhere.

  "Karkat? Karkat!" You shout, and you reach for your seat belt. You snap the buckle and fall to the floor-well, the roof of the car-and crumple, moaning in pain. You scoot painfully to the front seat and stare with wide eyes at the scene before you.

Karkat dangles from his seat belt as well, but the difference between you and him? Which one of you has several, four inch long glass shards sticking from their face. You let out another horrified scream the same time John groans in pain. You battle back tears as you turn to John, who is slowly coming to. You help him out of the seat belt, shaking and gasping for breath.

  "Dave?" John croaks, looking around. His glasses are busted and he has a tiny cut on his cheek, but you took most of the damage when you covered him.

  "John are you okay?" You gasp, but John doesn't answer you. instead he is looking at the busted, blood soaked Windows.

  "Karkat," John says and you shake your head when he tries to get up front,"Karkat! Karkat please be okay!" John yells, and you scoot in front of him so he can't see. You sit with him for five minutes, trying to calm him down, telling him not to look at the horror  infront of him. You sit between him and Karkat's bloody body, trying to check to see if he has any visible wounds you should worry about. You begin to smell smoke, and John starts crying again, trying to open the crunched metal door to get out.  That's when help comes for you.

The wailing of sirens drown out John's cries. Cops, Fire Engines, and Ambulances pull up to the accident. A voice tells you and John to get back, and the glass of your window is shattered with a crow bar. The pregnant lady that was in the road stands beside of the cop who broke the window, and she lays her jacket on the broken glass so you and John could get out without cutting your hands or knees.

You push John out first,and when you pull yourself out as well, you thank the woman. She didn't seem to hear you, because she is now tending to her crying daughter. The little girl sits in the back of the ambulance, but seems to only be stressed from witnessing the accident.

Medical officers help the cop bust the windshield of the sedan open to pull the driver out. He is alive and way better off than anyone else involved in the accident. His wife is passed out in the front seat with a broken arm, and her leg had been crushed when the vehicle collapsed on its side, but she is breathing. Karkat's car is in horrible shape. It is a heap of twisted metal, fire, and ash, and as of this moment,  f ire  fighters are  hoseing the car down.

John tells a nicely dressed stranger what happened, while you try to tell a fire marshal that your friend is still stuck in the car. You watch as they pry Karkat's door open, and they just stare inside with worry. Your heart falls when they ask for a stretcher and pull his body from the wreckage. They had to cut his seat belt because of how tangled up He was, and Pa ramedics are rushing in to try and stop the blood flow. You catch a glimpse of him as they roll the stretcher to the closest ambulance.

Karkat's face is covered in blood and glass, he his totally  unrecognizable . His neck looks broken and he has ugly bruises on parts of his flesh that isn't covered by fabric. He is completely limp, and you are certain he is dead. John sees Karkat and faints on the spot, and had to be carried by a stretcher as well even though his injuries aren't as bad as they look. A paramedic forces you to wear a neck brace, and tries to patch up the cuts on your arms and back while they carry off your friends and the strangers who were caught up in the accident. A red Porsche zooms down the road to pull up next to where you are being bandaged, and you see  a panicked Kankri. He leaps from his car and tries to run to you, only to be stopped by an officer.

  "Where's Karkat?" Kankri screams at you, his face contorting and red. You shake your head, a feat that is difficult due to the neck brace. And now that adrenaline has  stopped pumping through your body, you hurt literally everywhere. Kankri collapses against the officer, sobbing. The paramedic asks you to get on the stretcher in the back so he can check your vitals and get you to a hospital. You numbly sit on the slightly inclined bed as the doors are shut and the medical officer gives your body a pat down to see what could be broken. So far, you suffer from what feels like a sprained arm that you have no idea  how you had gotten, nor care about.

The events just keep replaying in your head over and over. You are concerned about John, and as horrible as it is, you aren't worried about Karkat. You can't be concerned over a dead guy.

You cringe at the thought and tears over flow now. The paramedic had taken off your glasses so he sees your dripping tears.

   "Does something hurt?" He asks, and you just cry.

h ours in the future, but not many==>

You sit in a hospital bed, several cuts and a sprained wrist, but you are fine otherwise. John sits curled up in the bed beside you, his head between his knees while he cries. He had gotten a way with bruises and shallow cuts, which is very lucky. Rose sits with her face pressed into Kanaya's chest, weeping softly. Gamzee and Tavros sit side by side in the window seat, looking at the ground. Gamzee cries softly, washing away his face paint, but no one calls him out on it.

John's Dad, Kankri, and even your brother are at the hospital, but the three men are downstairs in the cafeteria. Thankfully, bro hasn't came to see you yet, because someone told him you were sleeping, even though you have been wide awake the entire time.

  "Is it true?" a voice squeaks,and a fresh wave of tears fill everyone's eyes when Jade runs into the room. She looks at you, you being the only person who will meet her gaze. She lumbers up to the bed, tears falling from her eyes.

  "Are you two okay?" She asks, and you nod. She seems relieved, but her real concern surfaces, "And Karkat...?"  Jade falls onto your bed, her face relaxing and her eyes unfocused.

  "He is in really bad shape," Kanaya sniffles, and Jade just nods slowly, her hands clenched in her lap. There is a knock on the door, and a sad Calliope enters. She isn't your nurse this time, so why would she be in here?

  "I have news on Karkat," She says, and your stomach plummets and your heart freezes. Jade doesn't meet Calliope's face, but does tilt her head to listen.

  "How is he?" Tavros asks timidly, and Calliope looks at her clipboard, as if all of the answers were there, even though everyone knows they aren't. She isn't Karkat's nurse either, so she must have asked around.

  "He didn't make it," Calliope murmurs. Gamzee stands up and runs out of the room, and Tavros tries to follow, but his broken leg and the obstacles around him forces him to stay put.  T he look on Jade's face breaks your heart. Jade lets out an animalistic sound before screaming. She clenched her fists to her chest and she lets out another inhuman noise.

  "Karkat...no," Jade blubbers, folding  her self in as if to hold herself together. It doesn't work; Tears flow quickly down her cheeks and she slumps over on your bed, her head on your legs. You pull her up to sit on your lap instead and cradle her to your chest. 

John hugs himself in a tighter ball, crying really hard. Rose is sobbing now in Kanaya's chest, and Kanaya is really worse for wear, being one of Karkat's closest friends. Tavros gets a bit teary eyed and has to look away.

You shake your head and bury your nose in Jade's hair, No longer battling tears. Calliope says things like "They tried all they could" and "He's in a better place now", but none of the things she said helped, so she says good bye and walks out of the room. Gamzee comes back with his pai nt  smeared  al l  down his cheeks, saying he rented a huge hotel room for everyone to stay in, so they don't have to go through grief alone; everyone knows that he didn't care if they were alone, he just didn't want to be. With that said, everyone stands up and leaves, aside from Jade and John, who both hog your bed and the comfort you seem to give them.  

John's Dad comes by the room and asks for you to stay with him until you are a legal adult, and you say you will, and he then picks up his son and carries him out of the room. Even though he is too old to be carried by daddy, John is so upset that he wraps his arms around Mr. Egbert anyways. Soon enough, Jade decide s to go to the hotel room, but only because you asked her to, telling her that you want to rest a bit. 

Before you could rest though, there is another knock on your door. You Grant entrance and your brother walks inside. His shades are resting on top of his head, and he has tears swimming in his Orange eyes.

   "Are you okay?" Dirk croaks, and you nod. Dirk comes over and sits in the chair beside your bed, then he lays his head on the blankets and begins to cry. He grabs your bandaged hand and you let him hold it even though you are confused.

  "How many times have you been in a hospital because of me?" Dirk asks through his hidden tears.

  "The car crash wasn't your fault," you mutter, mixed feelings tugging you this way and that.

  "If I wasn't a horrible guardian, you wouldn't of had any reason to stay with the Makara's, and if you didn't stay with the Makara's, Vantas wouldn't have needed to pick you up from their house, therefore you wouldn't have been in the accident," Dirk sobs, babbling incoherently. You groan and pull your hand from his, irritated.

  "Not everything is about you, asshole. My best fucking friend died, and all yo u can talk about is yourself and me. Get the hell out of my room," You snap, then add as an after thought, "Oh, and it's pretty shity that the only time you care for me is when I'm half dead," Dirk looks up at you sadly, adjusting his posture. He nods and stands up, but turns to you as if he had something important to say.

  "Well?" You grumble, and he opens and closes his mouth a few times.

  "I Love-uh," You squint at him, waiting for him to finish. 

  "I haven't got all day," you say in a softer tone. Dirk shakes his head, seemingly changing his mind.

  " I gave Mr.Egbert permission to keep you," Dirk murmurs instead, and your eyebrows shoot up.

  "Oh?" You ask, surprised.

  "Yeah...with the condition you come to see me for Christmas," You scowl but nod, and watch Dirk walk away.

  "Love you too," you grumble to the empty room.

Later that day==>

You are released from the hospital, and you make your way to the hotel across the street. You find the room your friends are staying in, but no one talks when you get inside and plop onto a couch. John sits beside you, and seeking comfort, he wraps himself into your side. You hold him and let him cry.

The  tv is on, and it seems like you guys made the news. You didn't know there were reporters on the scene, but you see where they pulled Karkat from the car. 

Jade lets out a pained moan and curls up on the floor, crying. The film keeps going, and you actually see that you, too, where caught on camera, shaking your head at a sobbing Kankri.

The reporter talked to the Pregnant woman and her daughter, and you stare in surprise when you see John on camera, crying. Oh, so he was telling the story to a reporter, then? When the reporter asked John for more information, the film suddenly cuts off, and John chuckles glumly into your side.

  "I told her to fuck off and leave me alone," John whispers, staring red eyed at the  tv . You feel the corners of your lips pick up, but fall when you are reminded of Karkat. The image of his mutilated face scares the shit out of you, replaying over and over. You curl up against John, now you are the one seeking comfort.

This is your fault, too. Dirk was on to something in your hospital room earlier. If you had never told anyone about your problems, your friends would have never been involved. You never would have been left at Gamzee's only for Karkat to drive to the  mannor and pick you up. 

Or maybe if you didn't keep kicking his seat, Karkat would have still had his eyes on the road and wouldn't have been bothered to turn around and yell at you. You can think of so many ways that his death could have been prevented, but you are no time traveler, and anything you think of that could have stopped these events from happening, you know it is futile because what is done is done. 

In the end, it all comes back to you. You basically killed Karkat Vantas without meaning to, and you hate yourself more than anything. You should be the one who is dead, not poor Karkat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I killed off Karkat...I still can't believe I done that, even though I had written the draft forever ago... Wow, I am a horrible person. I can't even laugh maliciously at my evil deed, because I just love Karkat too much. But, it needed to happen. I need the story to come to a climatic end when the time comes, and I cant have Climatic chapters if they all keep doing the same dance "Happy. Sad. Happy. Sad."...so from here on out, the chapters wont be especially bright, ESPECIALLY the last chapter of this story. It is gonna be a tear jerker-but never fear; I still have plans on writing a sequel to Suicide Hotline :)  
> The next chapter will be a funeral, or maybe everyone will have a memorial for Karkat at the high school, and after that, it will probably be a "Time skip" to December or something, where I will prepare Dave so he can go home on Christmas. I have all of this planned out, I swear.  
> Please don't kill me for killing of one of everyone's favorite characters! Oh, I also wanted to say this, since I forgot to in the last chapter: I'm not trying to make Vriska a headily hated character. I just wanted some people to be super angry with her since she bullied karkat. You know, the story wouldn't be good *AT ALL* if only good things happen! Why do you think everyone likes the web comic? There is love, action, hilarity, and, of course, pain/the feels. So please don't be too upset! I love you all my perfect purple bumblebees! 
> 
> \


	18. Ch. 18-a filler of a chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a few things have happened after Karkat's death

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //this chapter is just a filler. meaning that I am filling in what isn't important, but needs to be said so the story can go on. I am so, so horribly sorry for lack of update, and leaving you all to deal with that shit for chapter last time. I am so sorry, please forgive me. Please enjoy~

Be Dave==>

You are awoken by John poking your face with an unopened  poptart . You sit up groggily and he hands it to you, silently opening his own. You still seem to be in the hotel room Gamzee had  payed for, and everyone is still in bed, trying to wake up.

You, Jade, and John had taken one of the two beds, and Gamzee and Tavros took the other. Rose and Kanaya are curled up together on the couch, Kanaya trying to awaken her lovely girlfriend. 

Over the sounds of your depressing breakfast being unwrapped, Jade still weeps, Tavros complains at Gamzee (annoyed that he is forced into a dismal cuddle session), and Rose is sleepily telling Kanaya to leave her alone.

There is a knock on the door, but no one crosses the room to answer it. Instead, Kanaya tells the visitor that the door is unlocked. The door is pushed open and John's Dad stands  uncertainly in the doorway.

  "Are you two ready to go?" Egbert asks, and John nods, not saying anything. He scratches at the bandage on his cheek and rolls off of the bed. He slips on his shoes and makes a trip around the room, hugging all of his friends. You do the same and the both of you follow Egbert out of the room and into the parking lot.

The ride back to the Egbert's is long and silent. You hold John most of the way there because he becomes frightened. He keeps his eyes closed tight and he grips your shirt and chews his lip. Egbert looks at the two of you through the rear view mirror, looking concerned.

John's Dad parks his car and unlocks the doors so you can get out. The three of you walk sluggishly to the front door, the early morning air heady with a fog and chilly. The house is warm and inviting but before you can appreciate John's home, happy to be back, he grabs your hand and drags you upstairs to his room. He pushes open the door and looks at his bed with longing. 

The bed has all of yours and  Johns bags, and a small note from Kankri saying he is glad you two are alright and that if you needed someone to talk to, he is here for you. 

   "He brought our bags," John murmurs, looking numbly at them. You help him push the objects off of the bed, and he crawls in first, squirming out of his shoes and pants, leaving him in his t shirt and boxers. You just slip out of your shoes and snuggle beside of him in the tiny bed, and as soon as his head is on your chest, you feel tears soak your shirt. You cry too, but not as much as John. He is scared and you need to protect him, not the other way around. You would rather him be comforted than yourself, so you make sure to keep your woes silent while he sobs about his.

You both fall into a restless sleep.

Be Dave: Two weeks after the funeral==>

Karkat's funeral came and went. Even though the sun shone brightly, the day was cold and felt lonely. There was the wake, where Jade sobbed louder than anyone when she tucked an Iris into Karkat's cold hands. You had made a compilation of videos and pictures for the mourners to watch in honor of your friend. Gamzee said the kindest, most inspirational words and John told funny stories that made people weep in joy at the memory of the wonderful boy. Vriska was there, and even she had kind words. She thanked John for the stories, saying that Karkat's memory needed to be cherished and not mourned. That made Terezi angry and a fight broke out, Terezi accusing Vriska of being a horrible bitch and lying about caring for Karkat, and may or may not have threatened to kill her.

That was when it was decided to take Karkat out and bury him, and the two girls were escorted out. Kind words were restored, Kankri read from the bible, and assorted flowers were set on the coffin before it is lowered. Jade made a horrified noise, looking with fear as her love is slowly lowered into a dark hole. She was the first to throw in a  hand full of dirt and a flower, as well as the first to leave with her uncle Jake, too distraught to stay. You, John, and Mr. Egbert had thrown in your share of soil and flowers before leaving, and later that night, everyone went out to eat at the  red lobster , Karkat's favorite restaurant. John made people smile again, and as Vriska  seemed to hope, people no longer cried that Karkat was gone, but decided to be happy they were lucky enough to have been a part of his life.

Everyone slips up, crying sometimes, but life goes on as normal. Jade is smart and spunky, Rose is still the biggest lesbian ever, And Kanaya has been more inspired in the fashion industry than ever before. 

John is still the fucking dork you love so much, Gamzee still smokes marijuana, and Tavros broke his leg again right after his cast came off.

Turns out Aradia didn't get pregnant like people thought, Terezi is still blind, obnoxious, yet a loyal friend, no one knows where Vriska is, and Nepeta asked Equius to be her boyfriend.

  You are still sad sometimes, but you are staying with the Egbert's, so you aren't worse for wear. Everything will keep going as normal, just minus Karkat.

Two More weeks later(making it a full month after the car accident)==>

It's a normal school day, the first of December and the first snowfall of the season. Everyone is huddled in the gym, waiting for the busses to come and take everyone home early since the snow is coating the ground dangerously. Jade walks over to your normal group of friends, her eyes shining with tears and a smile on her face.

   "Guess what!" She cheers, holding something close to her chest. Rose leans forward on her seat on the floor, a smirk on her dark painted lips.

  "You are pregnant?" Rose  inquires . Jade's face falls and she pout s.

  "How did you know?" She asks.

"Woah!" John shouts, hopping off of the floor to glomp her. Jade squeals and they both dance in a tight circle, shouting shit about babies.

  "Let me see proof," you bark, and Jade throws something at you. You catch a little pink stick with a small screen with a plus sign.

  "I peed on five, and they all say positive! So it must be true!" She laughs, and you  yelp , tossing the urinated on pregnancy test at Eridan, who was walking over with Feferi to see what all of the hoopla was about.

  "Ew, gross!" The pregnancy test is tossed at Feferi, who takes a good long look at the screen.

   "Who's pregnant?" She asks with a smile, and Jade raises her hand. Feferi joins John and Jade in a dance, and everyone looks at them fondly. This is the happiest anyone has been since the wreck, so no one interrupts them. Jade invites everyone to go eat a celebratory dinner, saying she will pay. Everyone accepts the offer, but there is a conspiracy for everyone to pay so she doesn't have to.

Everyone calls their parents or guardians and tells them the news, and everyone piles into Jake's jeep or Gamzee's truck when school is declared over. Jake drops everyone off at Apple Bee's when Gamzee pulls up next to the forest green jeep, and then he leaves you teenagers to yourselves.

Through out the entire meal, Jade talks about pregnancy and baby names while she pats her stomach. Her hand never leaves her still flat tummy, really, and you can't blame her. You jokingly turn to John and ask him about your future, and everyone listens with interest.

  "John, we are getting married after high school and we are having babies, too," you declare, and John  smiles .

  "We can't just spit kids out, so we would have to adopt," he plays along, and you nod in agreement.

  "Yes, how many do you want? I'm thinking at least fifteen," John snorts and shakes his head. He scoots closer to you and your face heats up when his lips are almost brushing your studded mouth.

   "Whatever makes you happy," John replies, and he sounds serious, making you believe he is actually willing to have a future with you. He kisses you sweetly but the kiss is interrupted by the whooping of your friends and soon the waitress bringing everyone their meal. You eat your burger with a content smile.

When everyone is finished and the check comes around, Jade says she needs to use the restroom, so Rose slips you her wallet underneath the table and walks with Jade. You get the idea and everyone works quickly to divide money up between each of you. You take Rose's share out of her wallet and when everyone has paid for their food, you pay for Jade's and then get ready to leave. The waitress takes the money and her tip, and when Jade walks out of the bathroom, she almost cries because she basically got a free meal. 

It will be awhile for Jake to come back and pick up who he dropped off, so everyone walks across the ice slicked  side walks and across the snow clumped street to get to the mall. Everyone plans on early Christmas shopping, so people split into pairs and small groups. You lose John at one point, but he is with Jade and she has a cell phone, so you can check in on the two of them any time.

You buy John a few joke books that are thick and full of prank ideas, funny stories, and jokes and riddles. You buy a warm looking  blue hoodie with a the same green slime ghost from Ghostbusters, one of John's favorite movies, and lastly, you buy a few things he could use for his p ranking needs. You honestly feel as if you may regret buying him stink pellets and blood capsules and other assorted things, but if he is happy, you are happy. 

You buy a few other things for your friends with what is left of your five hundred dollars, and in the end, you have ten bucks left and a few pennies. You get all the gifts wrapped in the favorite colors of your friends, with bows and ribbons and name tags and all. you place the items in big bags, complimentary of a few stores and walk to the food court where you find all of your friends waiting for you. Everyone has a desert since no one wanted  over priced cakes or ice cream from the restaurant, and John convinces you to share the milkshake he bought. 

Jake and Gamzee take every one to their respective homes, and when you and John are back at the Egbert's, the smell of hot chocolate brings the two of you into the kitchen. White suit, white fedora, baby blue apron, and several stacks of pancakes and ho t chocolate await you and your boyfriend. John's Dad gives the two of you a smile as he shows  off the pancakes and warm beverages.

  "How does  home made chocolate chip pancakes sound? It is still morning, and it's cold  out side , so I figure the three of us could eat brunch and maybe watch a movie-!" You and John both throw an arm around Mr.Egbert,cutting him off. After a moment of surprise, he hugs the two of you back and laughs.

  "I thought you guys would like that."

After the warm pancakes and the hot chocolate(real stuff, made from melted chocolate and milk!), the three of you pile together on the couch and watch Ghostbusters, Con Air(John couldn't believe he use to love this movie so much), and a romantic comedy that was apparently Karkat's favorite movie. No one cried, thank God, but instead, the movie was regarded fondly at first and then enjoyed as any movie should be, regardless of who used to love it.

When John's Dad threw popcorn at you and whispered that John did it, you threw some at your boyfriend and started a popcorn war. John's Dad snickered in amusement while the two if you tossed food at each other, and when you both realized who the real culprit was, y ou team up against Dadbert and throw popcorn at him, which he often caught in his mouth or childishly yells "you missed me!" while tipping his hat to you. You all clean up the mess and joke around, and your heart feels full and heavy, and so, so warm. Is this what it feels like to have a family? What it feels like to have a fatherly figure who actually seems to care? Yes, Yes it is.

Around dinner time, Kanaya and rose call, saying they wanna do something special for Jade this Christmas. After your birthday party(the one you didn't want since your birthday was a couple days ago), everyone is going to write a letter to Karkat, take their favorite colored helium balloons, and then go to the  grave yard and let go of the letters tied to the balloons. That way, karkat could learn about what has happened since he's been gone. You like the idea very much, and can't wait to surprise jade with this early Christmas  idea.

Be Dave Strider: December 20th==>

A tight nit group of your friends stand around you at Feferi's mansion. You sit at a velvety red, table cloth clad table in a gold and fuchsia ball room. In front of you is a three tiered cake with red icing and chocolate bottom, white middle, and the top  cake is marbled. People sing happy birthday to you, and you begin to cry, even though your birthday was almost a week ago.

Feferi holds Eridan, who stands beside Sollux who cradles Aradia to his chest. Beside of them is the ever tiny Nepeta, who sits on Equius' shoulders. Holding Nepeta's clip on tail is Terezi, who has her other arm slung casually over John's shoulders. Sitting on a stool beside of him is Rose, who is embraced from behind by the classy lady with a chainsaw(but doesn't have it now, you mean), Kanaya. Singing beside of her is Tavros, with a sprained ankle and a hand in Gamzee's. Calliope stands behind her two lovers with her arms around their waists, a happy smile on her shiny lips. B eside of Gamzee is Jade, who asks everyday if she is showing at all. Everyone tells her yes even though it's a total lie, since her baby bump is hardly formed at this point in time.

Other people dot the room, being your friend's parents and siblings and grandparents and aunts and uncles. Kankri watched near by, clapping his hands as he sings; He is smiling.   
Your brother is on the far side of the ballroom, his friend Calliborn glaring at you. You pay no mind and look at your circle of friends instead, tears rolling down your cheeks and grinning really big. You blow out the candles, and even though your actual day of birth came and went, there is a sense of finality when blowing out all eighteen of the dripping blue candles that decorate the top of the cake. You make a wish.   


==>

Jade loved the idea of writing individual notes and sending them to Karkat, so everyone was quick to pull out the helium tanks and balloons. while some filled balloons, others began their notes. Some were short compared to others, and some  w ere emotional where as the other letters just said things about that persons day.

Everyone piles into the cars and drives to the grave yard, your belated birthday gifts in the trunk and the Peixes mansion slowly disappears . It had snowed that morning, but the sun shines brightly, frozen in a Crystal sky. 

The grave yard is nowhere near as dismal and sad as it was since Karkat's death, but a few people still cry anyways. Gamzee grabs the balloons out of his brother's van and hands them out. You have an interesting red balloon with polka dots, and John has a blue one with shit ty red and pink flowers. You both tried to include each other's favorite colors, so he wasn't picky when his had flowers all over the balloon. Jade was the first to send her balloon after ty ing her note to the string and letting it go. A Candy red balloon that belonged to Kankri floated after her green one, and then, the sky is filled with balloons. Only close friends and family Wrote to Karkat, but everyone was handed a balloon anyways in honor of him. 

You watch Dirk let go of an Orange balloon, and then scowl at Calliborn who decidedly pops his instead. The two begin to bicker after that which causes you to smile and look at John.

  "They are so in love," you comment, and John gives you a bewildered look.

  "But they-?"

  "Trust me, I know a  gay when I see one." John begins to chortle.

  "' A gay '?" He snorts, and you grab his hand and nod.

  "Yes, a gay."

  "You didn't seem to know I was gay."

  "John, I'm always right, and when I'm wrong, I'm still right."

  "By that you mean you never thought you had a chance with me."

You harrumph and John begins to laugh again. Then, everyone goes home.   
\---   


- You wished that your brother still loved you.-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //Okay, the next chapter will be dedicated to only the letters/notes to Karkat. No matter what you believe in, I just figured that it would be cute if everyone sent letters up and out to him. I know this is becoming a very out of character story, but it is hard to write and study everyone's personalities. I truly love all of you! Please forgive me for everything, my bumblebees. Stay amazing, I'll see you soon


	19. 19. Christmas Eve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave spends his Christmas Eve with the people he loves. :)  
> (another short chapter. -sigh-)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //Guys, I swear, this was formatted and beautiful and just perfect, but when I moved the chapter from my editing app thing, it fucked up every beautiful thing i made, omg.  
> But hey! I'm back!(sort of;>_>)

December 24 th

** Be Dave Strider==> **

** **

  John's alarm clock goes off, and you shout in surprise  before rolling off the bed. John lets out a groggy "shuddup" while you whine on the floor about it being Christmas break, and that no one should get up at this  ungodly  hour.

  "Kids?" Dadbert shouts from downstairs, and you begin to whine again.

  "What?" John shouts back. You grab your pillow and yank the cover off of him, before turning onto your side and curling into a ball. "Dammit, Dave!" John hisses, reaching around his  mattress  to slap blindly at you. You grump incoherent words at him while his Dad marches upstairs. The bedroom door is pushed open, and sharp orange light fills the room. You squint and mumble in S wedish , mostly  swears.

  "Don't you guys wanna get up and start the day?" Dadbert asks,   me rely  a  sil houette  in the door. Your other half whines in protest.

  "No, why? I want my fucking blanket!" John snaps, and his upper half of his body flops onto the floor to tug the blanket from you.

  " Lang uage !" Dadbert shouts  as  you violently growl at John.

  "David, so help me!" John barks, not continuing the threat.

  "You'll what, stringbean?" You snap back, rolling yourself into the blanket like a soft taco wrap and then speed  under the bed. John lets  ou t  a  frust rated  noise and attempts to search for you  with out  actually getting on the ground. Dadbert sighs.

 "You two are the weirdest couple. You act like you hate each other," He mutters, and J ohn  gives you a squinty eyed glare, one that you return.

  "I do hate him," John mutters, and you stick your tongue out at him. He does the same, to which you reply " I hate him, too!"  

 "No you don't. Now get up. I  expect  to see you in ten minutes. Get dressed, be civil," Dadbert orders, then turns on his heel and walks out of the room, leaving to door open. John mumbles in defeat and gets off the bed. As he stumbles across the room to turn on the light, you inch out from under the bed, emerging like a crowning newborn baby. John turns to see you struggling, and begins to laugh. He puts on his glasses and then helps you.

 "I hope you know I don’t actually hate you," He says, and you smile, kissing his forehead.

  "I know. I don't hate you either." 

   You both begin to get dressed, each of you on your own side of the room. You dress in a gawky red sweater and a pair of black skinny jeans. You finger comb your messy  morning hair, slip in some brown contacts, and put a pair of  rei ndeer  antlers on. While John continues to search for clothes, you have a few minutes to spare so you dig in your make-up bag to find black eyeliner, brown and red body paint, and a few brushes. You paint fawn make-up and then turn yourself into a red  nos ed  reindeer. You think you look great, and John blushed before gushing over how adorable you were; which made you flush beneath the paint.

  John is dressed rather normally, wearing a green hoodie that has a plain Christmas tree designed on the chest. With a pair of blue jeans and yellow kicks, he looks about like he does any normal cold day. The two of you chatter on your way to the bathroom, brush your teeth, apply  deodorant or perfume before rushing downstairs. 

  The sun is already up and setting fire to the sky beyond the kitchen window, and the atmosphere is  fragranted  with sweet syrup and hot apple cider. You excitedly sit at the kitchen as Dadbert serves a breakfast of pancakes and fresh fruit, and tall glasses are filled with warm beverages. All three of you enjoy your meal in silence for a  few minutes ,  before Dadbert clears his throat.

 "How do you two feel about going to Barnes and Nobles? I have some  bussiness  to  attend to in town, so I figure you two could hang out for awhile?" Dadbert asks, and you and John both shrug with smiles.

  "Good, we'll go after you finish eating. Also, Jade is having a small get  to gether  at her home; a Christmas party, I believe. Then, when that's over with, we will come home, eat dinner, open presents, and watch Christmas movies!" Dadbert announces proudly. You and John excitedly finish your meal, you touch up on your paint and then the three of you hop into the car. 

 "I freaking love Barnes and Nobles! They actually sell black sheet music, and I am thinking of looking at some to buy after I get paid again," John squeaks excitedly. You both had gotten jobs together at a really small  ca fe , and the both of you get paid rather well. You smile as John talks about a song he was thinking of writing, and you stroke your tattoo lovingly. In your own opinion, your skin holds ink really well. The colors are vibrant and sweet against your pale complexion.  Arriving at the huge store, John is already pushing the car door open and jumping out before it's even in park. You say goodbye to Dadbert and follow your boyfriend as he quickly  di sappears  past the double doors. 

 "John," You whine, and attempt searching for him in an unfamiliar place. You soon give up when you find a music section, which you run  excitedly to. You listen to music and flip through albums. Finding vinyl records is the best, so you grab a few and buy them for a reasonable price. You see John walk into an aisle next to the music, and you follow with a big smile, hoping to share with him what you've found. He is observing a thick book with a sorrowful expression, sighing.

 "Did you use all of your money?" You ask, and John nods  wit hout  saying anything. His expression picks up and he puts the book down and runs to another aisle, submerging himself in books. You roll your eyes and check out what he was looking at, miffed that he didn't get to see what you bought. The book has a black hardbound cover with  metallic , three- di me ns ion al  swirls beginning at the bottom left corner and expanding to the center. You open the book, and inside are pages upon pages upon pages of blank sheet music, with  perfo rated  pages. You smile at the book, glancing at the perfect music notes drawn on your staff of self harm on your wrist. Licking your lips, you decide to buy the book, knowing you certainly have enough money, considering you are paid well in both paychecks and tips, and you suppose it helps that you save your money, unlike John. He spends his on useless things, but if he is happy, and as long as he has at least a small sense of responsibility, you think all is well.

  You purchase the book along with a few mangas before going to the store's Starbucks  café to get a salted  caramel coffee. John sits and chats with you, outwardly wondering why you wouldn't let him see for himself what you had bought. You show him the music and carefully expose your mangas, deliberately not showing him the beautiful book you had gotten for him.

  Dadbert soon arrives, and then  chauffeurs you to Jade's home. Her house is hidden way back into the woods, near a  crystal river . The house is two story and painted black with white trimmed windows and doors, and suspended above the house is a strange planetarium where Jade grows  the ripest  and prettiest fruits, even if it's not the right season for them. The only way to get to the planetarium is a white, winding  staircase going from the roof to the door, which is made of glass. Even though Jade would say s omething  about science, or amazing  architectur al  structure, you believe that it's magic keeping the dome from crashing to the ground.

  Still amazed by the  extrava ga nt  home, the inside seemed simple and elegant. With  pristi ne  walls, tall windows, and an assortment of plant life. Jade meets you in the  foyer, grinning from ear to ear.

  "Hey, guys!"  Jade squeals, wrapping an arm around both of your necks. Jake helps Dadbert carry gifts into the next room, where you hear a quiet party. 

 "Jade, can't. Breathe. Dying," John groans, attempting to squirm from her grip. She gives him a breathy laugh and pulls away. You  straighten  up, rubbing your neck with a slight frown.

  "Sorry," She smiles,"Anyways, aren't you excited!" She cheers, bouncing on her tiptoes. Barely two months in with her pregnancy, and she is already tiring easily. She huffs in quiet complaint, but the smile stays.

 "I admit I am a little excited," John replies, slipping his cool hand into yours. You give it a gentle  squeeze  and nod, smirking a bit.

  "I guess tonight is gonna be okay,"  You respond, and  Jade lightly slaps your shoulder.

 "Don't pretend to be cool, Dave! You know you are excited, too!" Jade chastes, bringing a big smile to your face, "I like your outfit, by the by. You make a great R udolph , and I'll be taking many pictures!" The girl enthuses, before darting to where the party is going about. Lights are dimmed as  you and John slip inside, and Let it Rock by Kevin Rudolph bursts  through  speakers somewhere above you. A sudden light show of blues, greens, and reds flash around you, and a crown of people begin to dance enthusiastically to the music.

  "I thought this was supposed to be a small get together?" You inquire of John, and he shrugs, looking like he is about to jump out of his skin; he wants to mingle and dance. You tell him to go on, because you are gonna take a look around. He complies and takes off in the direction of a few of your friends. You walk around, slipping between people who drink  Champag ne  in thin, elegant glasses  whil st  dancing. Streamers hang from the ceiling, and there are tiny, decorated Christmas trees every five steps you take. Strings of Tinsel litter the floor and is spread across any available surface. A red buffet table has an assortment of food and  Poinsettias. You help yourself to a glass of eggnog, which is the grossest thing you've ever drank; including the weird beverage at Gamzee's rave.

  John finds you when a slow Christmas song comes on, and the two of you dance in a tight circle, embraced in  each other's arms. You  continu ously  kiss John wherever skin is available, thankful that your paint doesn’t leave a residue on his pretty face. A few songs later, Jade calls attention to everyone, claiming that it was time to open gifts and play games. The party is moved to another room, where the eye-catcher in the room is a humongous tree wrapped with  red and gold  garland . Huge glass ornaments hang from any free space, along with tiny candy canes. Jade climbs a ladder and places a mirrored star on the top of the tree. Everyone cheers when the star is lit up and Jade scrambles down the ladder, gleeful. Everyone is handed gifts and soon, the perfectly white floors are covered in wrapping paper of different colors and patterns. 

  Some people hide their  dejection  while other shout with joy at whatever they had  receive d . John kisses you several times on the cheek when he opens up the prankster survival kit you had made for him.  He  had bought you new CDs, several lip rings, and a bit of really good makeup, that you a re seriously thankful for.

  Games were played, songs (drunkenly) sang, stories told and people kissed and celebrated like no one's  bussiness . Kankri insisted we let him read from the Bible, and so he did, and read the Christmas story. You aren't religious, but you didn't mind the story at all; it was quite interesting, actually. At about Ten at night, people became tired and went back to their humble abodes, in which you did as well. With hugs, cheek  kissings , and farewells, you and the Egbert's left the warm house and went to the place you call home. 

  At the Egbert's, Dadbert is busy lighting the fireplace while you choose a  chees y  holiday movie to watch after the revealing of gifts. John is busy making snacks, and after you put in the Disney Christmas Carol with Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck, you keep the movie on the title screen and pop a CD into the boombox next to the couch. Quiet music softly fills the room when John comes into the living area, sporting a pair or Pajamas and holding trays of edible goods. You rush to his room to put on a pair of sweat pants and a tank top, wash off your makeup in the bathroom sink, and grab the book you had gotten for John today. It isn't wrapped, but you don't think he'll mind if you just...put it in a box that you had gotten a sweater out of. You personally hate these flimsy white  boxes , the ones that stores give you to hold whatever clothes you had bought, but it serves its purpose.

  You skip into the  living room  moments later, to see that Dadbert had pulled stockings off the mantle. You set John's gift under the brightly lit tree before plopping beside John on the couch.

 "I hope you know that I am taking pictures," Dadbert announces, and John grins when he  recieves  his stocking.

  "That’s okay," You say happily, and accept yours from Dadbert. Dadbert has a small, silver camera he uses to take hundreds of photos of you and John excitedly pulling out treats and trinkets. John has received several  snow globes, little figurines of animals and monsters. To both of your embarrassment, He pulls out a pack of condoms.

  "Dad!" John shouts, turning red while you laugh. Yes, you are embarrased as hell, but its better him than you, right? You pull out make-up, earbuds, and unfortunately, condoms as well. Now it's John's turn to laugh while you whine about your little gift. Half full on  Hershey Kisses and bashfulness, John's dad begins to hand out gifts. Vinyl records, books, a lava lamp, and some really  aweso me  outfits that put you in mind of some sort of  steampunk designs sit in boxes and wrapping paper debris around you. John enjoys countless art supplies and he even gets a little yellow lizard-a fucking live one, that he pulls from a brown box. He names it Casey, even though he is seriously unsure of it's gender; he doesn't think it'll mind, as it is his daughter now. You laugh at his decision, and when there is a knock at the door, you think nothing of it until John hops up, throws the Lizard(gently) into your lap and dips across the room to the front door. You can't tell who is there, but John wishes them a great night as he takes something from them. He turns to face you, shutting the door with his foot. In his arms is your fattened kitten, NakNak, who has a little green ribbon wrapped around her neck. You excitedly take the  meowbeast  in trade for the lizard. 

  "I've one more gift over here," Dadbert comments, bending over to grab the white box for John," It doesn't have a name...."

  "It's John's," You say, and John quirks and inquiring brow. He sets Casey gently in it's little box/cage, before taking the gift from his father's hands. He opens the box and pushes aside the colored tissue paper you had slipped inside. Tears prick his eyes when he lifts up the book, covering his mouth.

 "Holy crap...Dave, this was so expensive! You shouldn't have," He whispers, opening it up. He smiles at the message you had written inside, his smile wobbling and tears now pouring down his cheeks. Dadbert had no idea what to do or say, unaware of what you had done.

  "Oh my God, you lame idiot," John hiccups, pulling you to him and hugging you. You wrap your arms around him, grinning. "Yes, a thousand times yes, you lame, uncool dork!" Your heart swells at his words, and he pulls away, taking the special gift you had  bought a little while ago and tapped on the inside cover.  He  hugs it to his chest. "I love you," He mumbles, and Dadbert grins, pressing play on the movie and pushing gifts to the floor so everyone sits comfortably.

 "I love you, too," You whisper back, kissing John's temple.

** ==> **

_  John, _

_    I've never loved anyone as much as I love you, and No one has ever made me feel the way that you do. ..You make my head so full just thinking  about  you, that I just can't focus. Your name is what I speak when someone asks me what I believe the word 'love' means. _

_    I've never been so sure of anyone in my life, never have I felt so safe, so happy.  For  a couple of weeks now, my mind has been near exploding with  emotions that  are trying to spill over and make themselves known, but I've been too scared to do anything about them...though I've decided to write you this letter and finally go through with my plan.  _

_    I love you, John. I love your smile, your laugh, your voice. I love to hear you sing , I love to watch you dance (even though you are pretty bad at it), I love to watch you paint or play music. You have such beautiful and delicate hands, hands that I want to hold forever, and  lips I want to kiss and praise again and again . Your eyes are the relief felt  after  the storm, meaning that an ytime  something bad happens, it is so wonderful and relieving to find your tender bright eyes searching for mine. There are so many things that I want to say, but my mind is too damn cluttered! You just keep  appearing  in my head, and all I want is to get my words out and convince you, but it's hard. I  wat  everything you have, and I want it forever.  _

_   I just really love you , and with that said...I want to end our relationship... _

_   And begin a lifetime. _

_   Marry me? _

_   -Dave Strider _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //I admit it isn't the best chapter, but eh. It will be fine, and hopefully suitable enough for you guys. ah, I have finally felt inspiration again, due to an amazing person I now have to hug and hold and call mine. I am...dare I say it...happy. So, even though the chapter want all that great, its pretty awesome since writer block has held me in it's prison for far too long. I hope the proposal letter thing wasn't too stupid; i'm not good at being romantic, i guess,(while still being in character, too*fumes*)  
> Anywho, as you may be able to see, the story is almost over. The next chapter WILL be the last, and then there will be a prologue/information for the sequel that I swear will happen!<3 Much love, guys, much love! I'll see you around, my perfect purple bumblebees<3  
> (P.S .....I didn't edit this really well. I'm sorry for all the imperfections.)

**Author's Note:**

> //*bangs head against desk* I hate myself. So much. This sucks. OMG. Okay, anyways, I wanted to say sorry for not adding color...I couldn't figure out how. I was going to color the words for the pesterchum chat but oh well. I don't have time for that anyways. *Shrug* I love you, my perfect purple bumblebees!~//


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